When we learn to Love and Hate
by fireflydown
Summary: Charles Xavier, a novice working for Lehnsherr Enterprises, meets the homophobic boss from hell, Erik Lehnsherr. They hated each other but tolerated one another for the job at hand. Little did they know that being together all the time will change their lives forever and bring them closer to one another in a way they never thought possible...
1. Chapter 1

This is an experimental Story, Yaoi-based. Please be forewarned it is a modern fairy tale, so the plot is extremely in that realm. It does not happen in real life but I'm writing it for the sake of the story itself and for the smutty situations. Thank you for your time!

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I hate pretty boys. I just hate them. Every single one of them, no matter how much they deny it...they're GAY. I know some of them just can't help it. They were born that way. So blame your parents' gene pool, blame the company you keep, blame your upbringing and your environment if you turn out to be a fag or if you get born in this world looking like one. I will despise you on sight but hey, don't take it personally. I admit I'm homophobic. Something about that effeminate behavior, that type of flamboyant living and overt 'gayness' repels me. The very worst are the ones that are so subtle you can't even discern them from real men. There are clues to their nature sometimes but those factors tend to fall in a gray area. That's why I'm extra cautious over that type. As long as you keep your distance, I'm fine. And don't blame me for generalizing either. I mean look, your kind are everywhere. Fags on TV, closet homos in church and in the government...even at the place where I work. Damn, you just pop up like fucking mushrooms.

You're probably thinking I must have had a homosexual encounter when I was young that's why I'm like this. The answer is, no I haven't had that shit happening to me. I had gay little boys giggling and swooning over me, been proposed to at a bar by a transvestite but to have actually had that sexual brush with another man, nope. Never. I can't remember ever having had one even when I was young. And no, I didn't have an obscene Uncle fondling me secretly or anything of that sort. I had the typical dysfunctional family upbringing common in this day and age. I also have my rebelliousness and overconfidence in myself that helped shape the brilliant mess you see before you now. My parents have been divorced for some time and I guess the only terrible thing that happened to me was when my younger sister died at a young age. As you can see, I'm a man through and through. Not that I want to brag about it but I know I'm easy on the eyes and girls just about fall over themselves to sleep with me. I had banged most of the high school babes back in my old Alma Mater, the really pretty ones. It got even worse in college. I slept with just about any woman that was willing to get in bed with me, even if they looked like total dogs; I'd have sex with them no matter how hammered drunk I was or if I was high. I was bolstering my alpha male status, flaunting my masculinity just about everywhere I go. I was the popular kid back then; the golden boy in everyone's eyes.

So it really pissed me off when a guy that I knew once to be a manly man in college, turned out to be a queen underneath. When that one friend admitted to me that he was gay, about eighteen years ago, I just lost it. I remember all the times this guy put his arm around me in a supposedly friendly gesture of bosom brotherhood 'affections' and slapped a hand at my ass in rambunctious locker room play; all the times I shared a bottle of whiskey with him and I thought to myself, fuck, you've been hitting on me all the while! After his admission, I rewarded him with a punch in the face and I refused to see him ever again. I knew why he admitted he was gay. It was because he was going to admit he had a thing for me and I just about shriveled up at the thought of another man touching me sexually. It was sick, disgusting! I nearly vomited when I got back home.

Fast forward to my present and here I am...still homophobic. I don't hide the fact too. I've been known notoriously in the office to browbeat and bully fags until they end up in tears and they leave the office permanently. But new ones just can't seem to stop flocking in. I had proposed to my boss that he do a thorough screening of new applicants to root out the gay ones but he refused, on the grounds that he did not share my views and that he was not prejudiced. Besides that, gay discrimination is against the law. You must wonder why my boss never fired me for my behavior. I ask you, how could a father fire his son if he is to own the company in the future? Yeah, I'm riding on the coat-tails of my father's legacy. But I don't care. He was the one that suggested it, anyway. He was confident that I would somehow grow out of my 'selfish-prick phase' as he so gently put it. I didn't give a fuck what he thought then. Things always go my way so if the company was being handed to me on a silver plate, so be it.

Due to my homophobia, I had very few friends in the office, the ones I consider my best mates. I hung out with men and office colleagues that I knew were _definitely_ men and not closet homos. I made sure that they are actually married to women; that they have kids and that they belonged to good, well-bred families. I know because I drilled them on the details of their lives before I allowed them the pleasure of my company. On that note, I dated a lot of women from inside and outside of the office when I need female companionship. Still have the old charm and my good looks, I guess. I work out, keep my tan; keep myself looking nice and clean, wearing my corporate suits and fashionable ties. But even with the ladies at work, I ended up being notorious for one other thing. I was known as 'Erik Slam, Bam, Thank you ma'am Lehnsherr' because once I sleep with one of them, I tend to not go back for seconds and I don't stay in a relationship for too long. It's a bachelor's life for me since I like to play the field, so to speak. I knew I was quietly loathed by most of my office-mates. Not only for the reason I'm a Homophobe but because I'm a jerk and an asshole too. Yeah, I know right? How can I live with myself? I've lived my life like this for so long that I got used to being so despicable and cruel. So when this rookie came into my life, this newbie, I never thought...that someone can change me so completely. His name is Charles Xavier and this is our story.

"Look at that boy! Just look at him! He's just asking to be reamed by one of his homo-faggot species!"I said in a low growl as I glared at the newly hired assistant. He was supposed to be Emma Frost's assistant but for now he's a reserve because Emma was still hung up on her own assistant Raven Darkholme, who had decided that her resignation was just a temporary leave after all when her intention to live in France fell through.

"I don't know Erik, he looks like a nice kid, like a choir boy-"Janos Quested said. We were dawdling in the coffee room, procrastinating as always but of course, we get the work done even if we have to do it half-assed. My mates and I are the top dogs in the office anyway.

"What the hell? Can't you see he has gay stamped all over his face?"I fumed and flung a sour glance back at the boy. I was told his name was Charles something, I can't remember the last name and from the looks of him, he has the seal of approval from the god of straight-looking gays. Let me describe him so you will know why. His wavy, dark brown hair was cut short, parted to the side in a dorky way and he wore metal-rimmed glasses, which somehow enhanced his large deep-set blue eyes. His perfectly formed eyebrows tell me he plucks them and trimmed them to look that way. He was very fair; his skin pale but there is this light blush on his cheeks. His nose was straight but slightly hooked, with faint freckles above the bridge and when he smiled at one co-worker once, I noticed his lips are very red, like he just dabbed lipstick on them and he had this dimple on the left corner of his mouth. The shape of his face was very feminine, even though his body was slightly muscular. He favored wearing cardigans, sweater vests and button down shirts and light slacks. When he moves, there is a gracefulness to him and awkwardness all at the same time. At the moment, he was reading a thick paperback novel and was drinking some fruity-smelling tea during his break time. See how gay he is? I hated him immediately. He must think he looked the part of an adorable novice waiting to be petted and coddled. He had never crossed my path yet but if he ever so much as looked me in the eye, I intend to make it known that I despise his kind.

"Gotta agree with Erik, Janos. He does look kinda soft-"Victor Creed said, eying Janos. The exchange of looks did not escape me. I know they placed bets between each other or some other colleague at the office to see how soon I could send my 'target' packing. But I have noticed that they have grown tired of the game. I guess years of doing this must have lost its appeal to them. They just don't understand why we have to remove these disgusting homosexuals from the workplace. Once I inherit my father's business, that's going to be at the top of my agenda. No gays allowed in this company. I will have the right to reject them even if they are overqualified. Fuck 'em. I don't care if the LGBT community or some poofy schmuck attempts to retaliate against me. I can make the law work for me if I have to. Right now though, I'm weeding them out one at a time. I thought of something really nasty for that rookie, a plan forming instantly. I laughed in an insolent way and pointed to one of the HR personnel walking down the aisle.

"See that girl? She's Kitty Pryde, the new head of the HR department. She has a thing for me even though she's heard about my rep so she's a bit distant. The thing is, I can still twist her around my little finger. I can put in the word and have her arrange it so the newbie becomes my assistant-"

Janos' eyes flew wide open."What? Erik, you'll get in trouble with your dad again! Don't you remember the last time you did this?" After I had sent countless, suspiciously effeminate men resigning while they were under me, my Dad made it a point that they be steered away from my management. I rarely had anyone staying under me, be it a man or a woman because they could not stand me or in the case of the women, they have outstripped their use to me.

"Ha!Ha! Nice one, Lehnsherr! Let's see how fast you send this one packing-"Victor chuckled, slapping my back.

I shrugged carelessly, a cruel smile forming on my lips."I'll make his life a living hell! He'll slap that resignation on my desk faster than I could stick it into a total dog for a quick one. He'll be crying his baby blues out as he flutters his faggoty fingers in the air, barfing rainbows and shitting flowers for all I care-

The guys howled laughter at my wit and newbie eyed us apprehensively. He must've sensed we were talking about him. By this time, you're probably wondering why I never got sued or appeared in any workplace inquiries, right? I use my connections, of course. I can make it appear that they were the ones behaving indecently in the office, making sexual advances towards me; first one to sound the alarm wins. Good thing my Lawyers and mates back me up. So those fags end up so humiliated after, that they just give up. See how easy it was for me? Like I said, things always go my way. Later in the day, there was a tentative knock upon the door of my private office and when I called for the person to come in, I realized it was the newbie. He averted his gaze and kept close to the doorway. He must have heard about my reputation, like the others that came before him.

"Sir, HR informed me that I was to report to you as your assistant-"Charles said softly.

"What? Stand straight and speak clearly, boy! I can't understand what the hell you just mumbled!"I barked out.

Charles immediately stood straight, chin lifted high and he spoke more loudly, repeating what he had said. He was blushing slightly and he made sure to keep his eyes down, avoiding meeting my eyes.

"What's your name, boy?"

"My name is Charles Xavier, Sir-"I laughed inwardly because I heard the slight tremble in his voice, his huge eyes moist and frightened.

"Well Xavier, the next time you come into this office, make sure to wear something more corporate, got it? This is an office, not a college editorial for a gay fan club-"

"I don't...y-yes Sir!"Charles stammered.

"What? Were you going to say something?"I challenged him. Charles visibly swallowed and tried to speak clearly."I don't belong to a gay fan club, Sir-"

"Hah! Could've fooled anyone! If you want to be taken seriously, try to behave and dress like someone who works in a professional setting-"

"I'm sorry Sir. I'll try my best to look more corporate tomorrow-"Charles bowed his head low, ashamed of his appearance. I just rolled my eyes at him mockingly.

"Fine! Come over here so I could give you your instructions and the memorandum!"I said tersely. I never hide the contempt in my voice and I made it quite plain that I disliked him instantly. Charles slowly came over and took the paper work. I had some instructions written out where he will be seated and what work he will be doing, in a cubicle right outside of my office, away from everyone else. My office was designed that way for a reason. Let's just say, the convenience of having _MY_ office allows me to take my current conquests and fuck them out of their minds when I feel the need to satisfy my raunchy urges at work. Recently, my female assistant vacated the coveted position because she was too besotted with me and I don't like inconveniences like that. I had to let the girl go and I gave it to her straight. She sent in her resignation with HR and left the company, too angry and ashamed to face me after. I had thought it was obvious from the beginning that the sex was only for fun. I wasn't into serious relationships, remember? I suddenly remembered that I banged that girl right on the desk that newbie will be using and that brought an amused smile to my lips. Dad of course, sent me up to the main office later to explain why Charles would be working under me and It was quite opportune that my previous assistant resigned and I told him I badly needed one and he was the only one available. He told me to try and be civil to Charles after he saw Charles's picture in his resume, knowing my penchant for bullying effeminate looking men. I let newbie feel a little more at home at first. I gave him some space because he was too cautious with me and then just when his guard is down, I'm going to pounce.

I have always treated sissified boys like him the same. Always, when they report under me there have been no exceptions. I burden them with paperwork; overwhelm them with reports that need to be emailed and documents that must be prepared online, ASAP. I run them down with out-of-office errands, a free slave if you will, until they are so exhausted. And when they fail to meet my expectations or fail in any of the tasks I assigned them, I let them have it. It was a convenient way to reprove them on their actions and make them feel demoralized and inadequate. I was always careful about the 'colorful' terms I say about them, ragging them to the dogs and back without any word indicating their sexual orientation; I make sure I prevent them from recording any conversations with me that are indicative of discrimination or bullying, by having them leave their cell phones on their in-tray when we have 'the conversation' in my office. So it was no different with Charles. If I wanted him to get me coffee in the morning before getting to work, I have him go to the farthest Starbucks I know that sells some obscure coffee type and I give specific instructions on how I want the reports to look on my desk, all prepared and organized before I enter my office. He flailed about over the mountainous paperwork I gave him and he was so clumsy about everything a few times that I kept telling him repeatedly what a disappointment he was and how poor his performance was. He struggled and aimed to do better but I could see how harangued and worried he looked all the time. After office hours, I see him looking so dejected and down-trodden as he picks up his briefcase from the view in my office, preparing for his daily departure from work. He wore suits this time, but they looked wrinkled and tired, like he was by the end of the day. I enjoyed seeing him look like this.

As the months passed though, the harder I put pressure on him, the more Charles made every effort to improve himself. He was actually getting into the groove of things under me and I did not like that. I wanted to see him break down. I wanted him to lose it and act like a total basket case and humiliate himself in front of his colleagues at the office...but he clung on. He was a tenacious Son of a bitch. I have to admit, he was doing a good job. That doe-eyed rookie was long gone. When he came into the office nowadays, his face was set seriously that people did not see him crack a smile at all. He threw himself into his efforts to do his job right. I also noticed the fact that he tried to act more masculine when around me, to show everyone he was not a homosexual. But the sad truth is, he is still just another nerdy, gay-ass faggot before my eyes and I still didn't like him. Not once did I praise him when he performed exceptionally and yet, he did not question me why. He quietly accepted whatever I threw at him. He was somehow different from the other queers that set foot in the office; he was willing to be subjected to a hellish existence under me and being treated as my personal door mat.

I finally caused a small crack in that veneer of seriousness when our group had to do a small get-together at a bar. Reservations were made so that an entire room was set up for our use only and they had an open bar and a Videoke set up for our enjoyment. Charles had to come because it was Company-sponsored and the headcount was compulsory. The ladies from the office all joined in. I was there surrounded by the male staff of our department, along with my best mates Victor and Janos. Charles sat in with us boys, still striving to prove he was manly. There were twenty of us there. We were all getting into it, enjoying a moment of relaxation, free from the stress of work and deadlines. Charles tried to engage some of the guys in a conversation but he did not have much to say to them so he ended up drinking quietly by himself. That was the day I let the first bomb fall on his head. I started by telling the guys at work how gay reading this so-and-so author is; I was actually targeting the books Charles read during his free time. He read a lot of books during his lunch. Anything that I know that Charles was into, I flagrantly deemed as gay and the boys laughed at my detailed narratives. I was pretending to entertain everyone with the amusing opinion I have of homosexuality. Charles's expression showed his discomfort and he was blushing deeply, as I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye. I then started to describe how I thought a gay person behaves and again, I was careful to make it seem I was describing just about any queer guy but I was actually describing Charles, his quirks and his mannerisms. I just about flat-out told everyone how gay Charles is. The guys all laughed and some of the ladies joined in on the hilarity. Charles finally couldn't stand it and excused himself to go to the Men's room. He never returned to his spot on the table that night.

When he came to work come Monday, he was wearing a dark gray suit that raised one of my eyebrows. It was jaunty and somewhat similar to a style I would pick. He combed his hair back, not parted to the side and he was not wearing his glasses, perhaps he had contacts on. He behaved as if he did not remember the mean words I said at the bar about him, even though they were just insinuated. At lunch, he did not read any books but instead I saw him at the Lounge room used by the male workers and he was actually using one of the billiard tables we had set up there and he was playing by himself. At one point when there was no paperwork coming in yet, I saw him playing with a racing game on his mobile phone. He was actually doing the things I would have been doing and I bristled at it. He was trying to show me how much of a man he was. That was it.

"The fucking queer is trying to get at me!"I told Janos and Victor as we ate at one of the top diners in the area. They both quietly listened as I told them the deal with Charles and his actions.

"Did you see him these last few days? He was trying to imitate me! As if that would make him look more like a man in front of everyone else!"

I thought I would get some sympathy from Vic and Janos but they laughed uproariously instead and it pissed the hell out of me. I could feel my face burning with humiliation as they laughed. My plan had backfired on me.

"I did not crack a joke here, you shitheads! I'm suffering a bad case of a fag attack!"

Janos tried to control his laughter."Well that's what you get for trying to tell everyone he's gay, even if you did it in an underhanded way. Everyone knows your style, Erik! Though I have to admit, you do say some funny points when you go on one of your homophobic diatribes-"

"Fuck off, Janos!"I growled at him and that got them laughing again.

I wanted to blow up at them but instead, I was trying to think of a way to get back at Charles, enough to make him retaliate and then the opportunity presented itself when he came knocking at my office, asking if he could take a leave on Halloween. He mentioned that he always had a family reunion on that day each year and that he was asking if he could attend it. At first, I told him sure, he could go. But he just piqued my wickedness by giving me exactly what I need. A few days after, I got him talking about his planned trip, if he had booked a flight and what airline he would be taking. He must have thought I was getting on friendly with him that he excitedly showed me his tickets. I noted the time stamp and I was telling him to enjoy his time with his family. He gave a small smile at that along with an odd look but that was that. On the day that he was to leave, all packed up and ready at the airport, I had my driver stop him from leaving with a message about an emergency at work. Of course, he was fuming silently, trying to be understanding about it (so my driver tells me) and then he became outright furious when he realized that the emergency was that he was going to house-sit for me while I go on a short trip to Switzerland. I had my driver lie for me and inform Charles I had to go on an important 'overseas business trip'. He had no choice but to miss his flight and stay so he can take care of my household affairs for a week. I lived by myself in an apartment complex and I gave Charles laundry and cleaning instructions and that if he does not follow them, he'll have to answer to me.

Imagine how mad he was when I got back from Switzerland and I gave everyone true Swiss chocolates except him, just so I could rub it in. Some of my friends came over into my office asking me about my trip and wanting to know if I enjoyed it and I loudly told them how fun and relaxing it all was. Charles glared at me from his table. I could see his pretty little face right out the Plexiglas wall that separated us and he wore his glasses that day. As the day neared it's end, he finally knocked on my door and asked if he could speak to me privately. I had him sit on a chair in front of my desk and then I stood up and checked his in-tray. His phone was there. Good. Then I calmly and insolently sat back in my own chair before my desk and smirked at him. He didn't mince about or falter. He got right to the point.

"What is this about?"

"Sir, I don't want to sound like I am accusing you of anything but if you had an important business trip to go to, why didn't you tell me beforehand so I could have cancelled my own trip? You knew I booked tickets for my flight back home to my relatives!"Charles tried to keep himself calm and professional, but his eyes looked wounded.

"It was an emergency trip, Xavier! And I left my phone at my apartment! That was why I had my driver inform you-"

"From the way everyone here at the office is talking, it did not sound like it was a business trip. It sounded more like a vacation to me-"He cut me off, the nerve of him!

"I met up with a client about the details of an acquisition. The client had to show me around and see the sights-"This was in fact partly true. I did meet up with a client but it was not exactly about an acquisition. It was more of buttering up one of our known clients there so we can push for more business ventures in the company. Still, I did extend my trip more than was necessary. But Charles did not know that. I hardened my expression and narrowed my eyes at him. I spoke in the angriest tone I could muster.

"Anyway, why the fuck do I have to answer to you? You are just my assistant! And yet you come in here accusing me of just lazing about? I only went on that trip for business! What are you saying here? That you are not up to the job? Hmm? If you can't accommodate the needs of this department and your superior, if you can't be relied on to do your job, you might as well quit! I'm not holding back the door for you! It's always wide open! You are free to go! I don't need you! You've been nothing but an annoyance to me!"

Charles stiffened at my words. He had never looked me in the eyes before. He was always careful to keep his gaze averted because he knew that if he tried to stare me down, I would put some meaning into his look and that I would probably announce to everyone that he tried to make a pass at me. That was how I had done in those other gay assistants who came under me. But now, he did not care about that. He took his glasses off and met my eyes with his own and I could see the hurt in them...the pain. He looked close to tears. When he did that, I finally had a good look at his eyes and his face. I never tried to notice how he really looked like before. When our gazes met, I did not know what the hell happened to me. My heart suddenly started to race. I chalked it up to a feeling of nervousness because I may have gone too far with him. He has very beautiful eyes. I never noticed them before. Clear blue, large and expressive. He had the kind of eyes that if you look into them, you could get lost just staring into them. The way his face also looked at the moment, so poignantly hurt made me feel so guilty that I almost wanted to stammer an apology. I could not understand why I would feel that way. Up close, his face was just exceptional. He was beautiful and austere at the same time; I have no other way to describe it. Like an avenging angel perhaps? An anguished, working-class every man that looked like royalty? Shit, listen to me, right? I could have spouted poetry describing him in detail! I think I suffered some temporary insanity at that time-

When Charles found the strength to speak, his voice was soft and sad, clotted over with suppressed tears."Sir, I don't know what else I could possibly do to make you see I'm trying so hard! I'm doing the best I could at work so that you can see that I want to meet your expectations! I want to prove to you that I'm not like the rest! I'm only here to do my job and to stay if I can! What more do you want from me?"

He wiped at his eyes to prevent the tears from falling but he was too late and there was a small line of wetness flowing down his right eye to his cheek. He still held my gaze, looking more boyish and beautifully tragic as he tried to control himself.

"Even if you don't say it outright, Sir. I know you think I'm a gay. Everyone here at the office tells me how much of a self-professed Homophobic you are but I didn't want to let that get in the way of what I needed to do here. I came here for the work, to add the name of your company to my resume and step up the ranks. That's all! Please just accept me for the work I do, not for what you think of me personally! I'm sorry that I am an annoyance to you but it makes me want to prove to you all the more that no matter what you put me through, I'm going to stay-"

That stunned me silent. No one had spoken to me like that before. He should have been shouting curses; he should have voiced out every caustic remark, every angry thought he had of me. And yet, he was imploring me, asking to be accepted and knowing I would never do such a thing for someone so beneath me and someone homosexual. I think I somewhat get why he did not want to resign from under me or move on as an assistant to someone else. He wanted to be acknowledged under me; to get a promotion under my name and with my recommendation. I suddenly lost my mind, that's it. That was why I don't understand why I said the things I said to him at that moment.

"Are you sure you want to stay under me, Xavier? You know how much of a slave driver I am-"

He didn't say anything but his expression grew resolute. He and I both know he was doing great as my assistant and he showed an exceptional acumen for the business. I've seen the treatise he did for analysis and his own written reports. I could actually get him promoted. We also both know that he could not just remain stagnant in his position, that would be unfair to him and based on his performance, he deserved a better slot in the ranks. He spoke firmly this time, his eyes determined.

"I do, Sir-"

I gave a small shrug at that and smiled."I know I've put you through a lot, Charles and much as I hate to say this, you truly are doing great at this job. If you want to stay, fine. But I think we can make arrangements for an apprenticeship under me-"

Charles's eyes widened."P-pardon?"

"We can't just have you staying as an assistant now, can we? Since you've made your point that you've been trying hard to meet my demands! I'll bring this up with HR tomorrow. Remind me if you must and put it on my schedule-"I drawled out. _What?_

"I'm not sure I understand? You're not pulling my leg are you, Sir?"Charles said timidly, suddenly losing all that flame and fire of emotion he showed me earlier.

"Oh for crying out loud! You want me to spell it out? I'm promoting you! And by the way, I will reimburse you your plane fare. It will come out of my own pocket. I apologize if my business trip had caused you such trouble-"_What the hell am I saying?_

Charles was too shocked and startled by my magnanimous behavior at the moment and the uncharacteristic praise that I had uttered to him for the first time. And I even apologized to him! Honestly, even I was shocking myself. I don't know what happened to me. If it was the look on his face or his eyes that did it or maybe aliens from another planet had grabbed hold of me in Switzerland and they did their alien version of lobotomy on me, who knows? But I suddenly found myself...liking Charles. Perhaps just a tiny bit. I liked seeing the perseverance in him, that fiery honesty. Anyway, there was no taking back what I had said. What's done is done and I could beat myself up about it later. I think I was still possessed by this stupid need to make it up to him that I took a box of Swiss Chocolates, the ones I was reserving for myself and handed it to him. I suppose I was giving it to him to prove that this was not a cruel prank but that I meant my actions professionally.

"Here, your present. I forgot to give it to you-"It was bigger than the ones I gave everyone else. Charles could only look at the box in awed silence. He was that shocked that he was rendered speechless. I actually moved forward on the table, took his hand to turn it around and placed the box on top of his open palm.

"Snap out of it, Xavier! Get your present and just go! Leave my office if you don't have anything else to say!"I cried out sharply at him, pretending to be annoyed with him again.

Charles finally scrambled up from the seat and took the box, hugging it to his chest. He stood there and then he smiled at me so endearingly I felt my heart racing again at the sight of him happy like this. _Jesus, help me! Am I liking him more than I had let on? Did I just go temporarily gay? I didn't know if I should get mad with him or at myself. I may start tearing up at the walls and howling out that I made a terrible mistake over this but I could not take it back anymore. I've started this just because of the look in his eyes and the expression on his face._

"Thank you so much, Sir! Thank you! I'll do my best!" He finally closed the door behind him and for once, he left work smiling and happy. I gave him that smile and now I'm so miserable because I did something extremely stupid. It would be so cruel of me to take back everything that I had said. Hell, I could do it too, can't I? I've treated others worse than how I treated him. I've beaten up a queer on the streets once for whistling at me. I've said the cruelest words to his kind and had done deeds I was previously proud of, humiliating those homos back in college. But now just with a look from an obviously gay man, I've doomed myself by committing to this insanity! I went back home drinking myself to a stupor to try and forget what I had done but when I woke up in the morning, I remembered everything. I can't even stop thinking about his face, his eyes and when he smiled at me. I decided I was going to be dismissive and cool towards him this morning but when I arrived at the office and he had my coffee ready, with all the papers in order as usual, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was the odd way he was looking at me. And he was smiling again! Damn that smile! I wanted to wipe it off his face with one mean word but I greeted him a 'good morning' instead when he greeted me first along with the smile. It wasn't a big grin. It was a small, endearing one that lit up his face and eyes and he looked like this cherubic boy you want to wrap up in your arms and hug tightly. _God, I want to slam my head on my desk for thinking that about him!_

The day went about as usual but there had been no animosity between us. Usually he was quietly brooding or speaking solemnly when addressing me, while I would speak to him contemptuously and rudely, looking down on him in an insolent manner as if he was a worm beneath my feet. Now there was this odd shine in his eyes and lightness in his voice, especially when I remembered his promotion and I had met up with HR about it. Kitty was there and she was shocked to know that for the eight month period of hell I had imposed upon Charles, it was indeed madness that I am now promoting him. The news spread like wildfire at the office. Not that what I had done did not come with a good turn. The people around the office actually stopped me in my tracks to ask about Charles and that they think I did a good thing to promote him. Even my dad called me up in his office to commend me. But I made it clear that I only did what was right, not because my worldview about homosexuality had changed. Anyway, Charles was happy and he was amiable to everyone, especially towards me after what I did for him. It just sickened me that he had to go and do that. I didn't want him thinking I was going soft and then spreading a story around that I was actually nice to him. What would people think? So the day after that, I was more tepid and reserved towards him and he immediately understood that this does not change things between us. It just lessened the hidden loathing we have for each other. Now how the hell am I going to get rid of him if I am promoting him? How? I could have just picked up a boulder and dropped it on top of my head!

Janos and Victor actually ragged me about it but I told them the excuse about Charles threatening labor laws at me that was why I did it.

"Shit! Are you losing your edge, Erik? You could've threatened him back! You're usually good with mind games like that! What the hell happened?" Victor cried out.

I shrugged."He did mention I have a bad history with previous employees under the company and the labor department will look into that plus he put in a good argument when I was about to sack him-"I lied through my teeth.

"You're being strangely resigned to this, Erik. It's not like you-"Janos said suspiciously but I waved him off as well, looking annoyed.

"Well what the fuck, ok? What was I to do? He was smarter than the others!"

"So you admit he got one over you? Are you gonna go around with a sign over your head that you've been beat?"Victor challenged me. That got my blood boiling.

"No! I've got something big planned to avenge myself on him! Just you wait!"I vowed angrily.

As I was talking to them about this and they were making suggestions on how I could get Charles, I realized we are behaving like a bunch of childish trolls out to cause misery on someone who did not deserve it. That guilt I felt at the way I've been treating Charles, it hung over me like a cloud that when I got back in my office and Charles spoke to me about a report I needed to follow up, I lashed out at him because I hated the fact that he made me feel this way.

"If that report was so important why the hell did you not notify me sooner?"I asked him sarcastically. Charles was taken aback by my abrasiveness and spoke quietly. He did not want to make waves about it so he told me he did try to contact me but that I must have been busy since I did not answer his call.

"Fine! Just bring it in! I'm doing it!"I barked out and then I fumed silently in the office after I slammed the door close. I don't know. Maybe the lack of sex is making me short-fused and making me act so crazy. For the past few months, I've been going out and meeting with friends but I did not go on my usual dates and I did not pick up any willing woman at the bars I've frequented. Maybe I should try and go out, relax and enjoy the company of an easy lay to drain the worries off and take this lunacy away from me. So I did. I slept with a woman whose name I could not even remember after I left work that day. I met her at some bar and I took her to a cheap motel, making sure I had my condoms ready. I thought it was going to help get my mind off things but while we were having sex, I wasn't even in the mood. Sure, my body was responding but it felt like I was just going through the motions that it left me unsatisfied. That was the first time that has happened to me. It must be because of all the stress at work, my advancing years (I'm 37 but I'm looking for an excuse, so sue me) or maybe I was still hung up on Charles unknowingly getting one over me.

I suppose that bout of sex just left me with a bad taste in my mouth and made me even more high-strung. I was quietly frustrated that entire day and I was dismissive and cold towards Charles as usual. He in turn, kept his distance, becoming aloof and serious again. Why am I doing this to myself? I could just use the old routine of accusing Charles of sexual advances to get him fired from work or to force him to resign. But I didn't. That was my last ace in the hole. I'm saving it up as the worst possible thing I could do to Charles. Damn, I'm so fucked up! That night after work I went to another bar, looking for some woman to get in bed with to get me through the night. I decided to go drinking first to buoy my spirits up but I got so drunk that when I tried to pick up a girl I ended up saying rude, sexually aggressive words to her, forcing her to go sleep with me, that one of her friends called the bouncer and I got beat up and thrown out of the bar. I haven't been punched like that before. I temporarily blacked out and when I woke up, shivering from the cold I was still on the pavement but my inebriation had gone away. I started to get up, weak and staggering about. No one helped me up or offered assistance. I didn't expect it anyway. The whole fucking world is one big ball of indifference. It made me feel like loathing the entire human race. I hated the world and I hated myself. I started to weave about as I walked and the edge of my vision was hazy. Then I saw the last person on earth that I wanted to see coming out of a movie theater. It was Charles. He was not wearing his glasses that moment he stepped out, he saw me immediately and our eyes met again. He saw the state of me: my sullied brown coat, my bleeding lip and bruised face. Then the look of concern and worry on his face warmed my heart.

"Sir! What happened to you? Were you mugged?"He went towards me but he did not reach out to help support me, knowing that I would be disgusted by his touch.

I shook my head and offered a slurred response."No, I was thrown out of a bar for trying to hit on a girl and the bouncer taught me a lesson in manners-"

"I'm sorry to hear that Sir. Do you need help? Do you need me to call you a cab?"

I waved him off."No! Just go home Xavier! I don't want you talking to me!"

He eyed me warily, assuming I was drunk."I know you don't like me coming close to you but I can't leave you like this, Sir!"

I was touched by his genuine concern for my well-being but I pretended to act annoyed."Fine! Get me a cab!"

Charles tried to hail a cab but none was coming around on this corner of the street so Charles asked if we could walk up to the main street. I agreed and stumbled after him as the buildings and the lights danced before my eyes and my insides swayed coldly in my belly. As we neared a lamp post, we noticed a blatantly homosexual drag queen wearing a hot pink dress and platform heels, smoking and leaning against it. His eyebrows were angrily painted in a black line over his paint by numbers eyes and his exaggerated brown lip liner pouted out as he blew cigarette smoke our way.

"My, aren't you boys mighty fine? I could have me a go at both of you!"The horrid thing cooed at us. I was horror-struck and so repulsed by being addressed by it. I reacted instantly and without any forethought. I struck out and punched the fucking ass bandit whore so hard in the face that the thing bleated out a short cry and fell down unconscious.

"Fuck! Shit! You fucking stupid dumb-ass homos! Fucking cocksuckers! I hate all of you! Why don't you all just die of AIDS?" I shouted down at it and I began kicking at its side. Charles was terrified by what I had done but was equally terrified that we might make a scene and get the attention of the authorities. He stopped me from going on and then he bent down to check the fallen homo-faggot to make sure that he, it, whatever it is will be ok. In his fear, he frantically hailed for a taxi cab and when he got one, he grabbed my arm and shoved me in. He told the driver my address and he was about to leave me but I reached out and clamped my hand on his wrist.

"Get in here, Xavier! We need to talk!"

"Sir, you're drunk, you are in no position to talk-"

"I'm not drunk! I can say what I fucking want and if I want to talk, we'll talk!" I hollered out at him. He was so anxious for me to get going that he finally relented and got in the cab with me. I was telling him the truth, I wasn't drunk anymore. Only dizzy from when I was beat up. I had a clear grasp of what was happening. I put an arm about his shoulder so he would sit close to me and he reacted by sitting stiff as a board.

"You know, Xavier. We never got down to discussing that crucial part of our office relationship. I wanna ask and you better answer me honestly. Are you really gay?"I drawled out slowly. Charles eyed me mistrustfully before answering no.

"Good!'Cause if you act like that fucking homo clown back there, I'll beat the shit out of you, you got that? All that disgusting behavior...all of them should be shot dead! Wiped off the face of the earth!"I rasped out vehemently. Charles was silent for a while and then he spoke quietly.

"Why do you hate them, Sir?"

"Why? You ask me why? They're like fucking amoebas! Like viruses, spreading an infectious disease over the natural order of things! They're all over the fucking planet! Can't you see how abominable they are? Their lewd, unnatural behavior-"

"I don't see them the way you see them, Sir. I admire them! In fact I think they are rather intriguing. They are honest about who they are and they aren't afraid to show it to the world. They have a right to behave in whatever way they want and they have a right to be themselves because that is who they want to be. This is a free country after all-"

"Don't involve politics in their defense! They are a disease, Xavier! They spread their filth, their ideals and their eyesore. But you know what? The thing I hate the most are those closet homosexuals that try to infiltrate the decency of a professional institution. You never can tell if they are really straight or not-"

Charles seemed to shake at my words and he responded shrilly all of the sudden."Why should someone's sexuality affect their work ethics? That does not stop them from being successful individuals, Sir! Do you want me to tell you what I think of you, since you are in a tell-all mood? I think you are a close-minded, homophobic bigot who also happens to be a chauvinistic pig, thinking you are God's gift to women! I don't know if that is because of a feeling of overcompensation to prove your manliness or if you were raised to think you really are the epitome of male perfection! You think you are better than other people but you are not! The world does not revolve around you, Mr Lehnsherr! And if you keep up with this type of behavior, people will just hate you behind your back and they will keep thinking you are the world's biggest asshole!"

We both grew silent because of his outburst and we did not say anything else to each other as we neared my apartment. The cabbie quietly drove on, wisely keeping out of it. Charles did not move away from me nor did I move away from him. In fact, I still had my arm around him as I mulled over his audacious judgment of me. Everything he said about me was true and to have someone really say it to my face like that, it kind of felt like a dousing of cold water over me. Sure, I had people trying to tell me off and calling me harsh names in return, but never with such a vehement feeling as this. Somehow he still looked concerned for me and he was even giving me advice to change my ways. I was amazed by his reaction and the strength of his character. Charles paid for the cab fare and he got out first and then he deposited me on my front step. He was saying his good bye so he could make his way back home but I reached for the hem of his coat to stop him from leaving me.

"Wait-"

He stared down at me, brow furrowed questioningly. I gestured towards my door."We aren't done talking yet. Let's get inside-"

He looked uncertain. He didn't want to enter my house at all but after much cajoling and forcing, he finally agreed to come into my apartment. I like my place. It's the typical bachelor's pad. I rarely ever take a woman here, for obvious reasons. My friends like coming over to watch basketball games and drink brewskies with me here on occasion because my Plasma TV is the best out on the market and comes with a great surround system. Charles was familiar with my place and without being told, he went to the kitchen, got me a bottle of Hildon water, imported from the UK. I took it and gulped it down in large swallows and then I sat in the sofa and gestured he sit next to me. Again, there was this hesitation from him but he sat next to me and we were both silent once more. Charles broke it this time.

"Sir, why do you hate so much? Why are you like this?"He said softly and when he turned those blue eyes at me, I felt my heart skipping in my chest again. There was no hatred in his eyes. There was only concern. The tender way he looked at me at that moment, it just went deep into my being. With super-human effort, I ignored it. I shrugged and leaned back on the cream colored sofa, sighing.

"Someone I knew from a long time ago betrayed my trust and ever since then, I lost any faith in people. People, they are all dirt to me. They show you this false side of themselves but they are all ugly inside. So why should I be any different? Why should I not shove the dirt right back in their throats?"Charles's eyes widened for a moment at my response but then he recovered.

"Oh. Then are you saying Sir that it is ok for you to wallow along with them and become like them? Do you have to live by the adage that if you cannot beat them, you join them? Why not rise above it? Why not be different?"

"Why do you ask so many damned questions?"I said, sounding annoyed again. He gave a short laugh at that.

"You asked me to come in here to talk with you. How can a conversation start if a question is not asked and there is no interesting exchange of banter?"

"So you find conversations with me interesting then?"I challenged him.

"No, Sir. You are too one-dimensional, if you want my honest opinion. You only stick to this hard-bitten belief of hating anyone different from you and from the way you treat women, I would have to say you probably hate women too-"

"That's not true! I love women! I give them all the loving they need in bed!"I said playfully but Charles did not find humor in my jesting. He grew solemn.

"Mind if I note how honest to a fault you are? I have never had anyone thoroughly run me down with a list of all my endearing flaws-"

He blushed at that."I know about your reputation at work from the beginning, Sir-"Charles said in a low voice, his eyes downcast.

"Well I don't deny any of them because they're all true-"I said gravely. I was drowning in those blue eyes again when he lifted them to regard me. Then my eyes fell to his lips. So rosy red. I bet he just put on some rose-tinted lipstick over them or something. His lips were distracting me so much that I was the one that looked away first. I felt the back of my neck growing warm all of the sudden. We had already taken off our coats and the heater wasn't even on.

"Do you hate me, Charles?"I asked quietly, keeping my own eyes averted this time. Charles did not answer at first and when he did, I admired his candor but I grew uncomfortable with it as he continued.

"I hated you at first. I thought you were the worst person I have ever met in my life and there have been so many times I wanted to quit but I did not want to give you the satisfaction that you got to me, because I kept thinking things will get better somehow and when you promoted me and even praised me...I thought to myself there must be something more to you. There must be an actual human being underneath all that narcissistic, inflated ego of yours. I think...I think you can be a better person, if you wanted to-"

I don't know why I suddenly felt so disturbed by his words. It's like he was telling me I might as well have been singing Kumbaya with him and praising Jesus for doing one good deed. I'm disgusted by that touchy-feely stuff, It made my skin crawl and I grew even more distressed when Charles asked me:

"Why did you do it, Sir? For a moment there, I thought you were going to fire me or force me to resign-"

My eyes widened at that. _What the actual fuck! What do I say to him? How do I respond? Should I tell him I had an insane epiphany about him but that I couldn't take it back?_ My thoughts felt like mush because I don't know what response I could give that would not sound ridiculous. I don't even know what lie I'm going to foist on him so instead of answering I got up and mumbled that I need to take a quick bath upstairs and that he should wait for me and my response. But what happened was I ended up staying longer in the shower, hoping he would leave on his own. I even brushed my teeth. I dawdled way too long before my bathroom mirror that I was startled when Charles actually called out to me from my bedroom. He was still here! I hesitated for a moment before the closed bathroom door and then I drew in a bracing breath and pulled the door open.

"Sir? I've been calling for you but you weren't answering. Do you still need me to stay and talk? I'm sorry but it's getting kind of late, so-"

I don't know what hit me then. What crazy thing possessed me to do what I had done. Seeing him standing there in my dimly-lit bedroom, wearing a pale blue button-down shirt, loosely unbuttoned from the throat and exposing his pale and smooth neck, I just lost it. That look on his face, his tender eyes seeming to question and beguile; everything about him. I felt this strange urge to kiss him. I grabbed his shoulders and guided him towards my bed. He was too startled to react at first and then I had him sitting on the edge of the bed. I only had a towel wrapped around my waist. His eyes were wide and surprised as I lifted a hand up and touched his lower lip with one finger, tracing over it softly.

"You looked like you were wearing lipstick all the time. I guess I was wrong-"I whispered and then I bent down and kissed his lips. I kissed him with an aching gentleness that was so uncharacteristic of me. It was always the mindless, torrid kissing when I kiss someone, it was always perfunctory but this...what I did to Charles, it was just not me. I did this for some time; just gentle and slow, my tongue diving into Charles's trembling mouth, softly. My eyes were initially closed but when I opened them too look at him, I saw that his eyes were the size of saucers, trembling in their sockets as he stared at me while I kissed him. But he did not move away, nor did he bite me or lash out. He let me continue. His lips were so tender and like a woman's, yielding. I nibbled gently at his lower lip that it caused him to start up and shiver as if he had a fever. I could feel his face growing hot against mine and it was spreading down to his neck and his body. I think I was burning up in much the same way. I could practically hear his heart beating fast inside of his chest. Charles had kept his hands awkwardly to his sides while I kissed him and not knowing what to do with them, he crossed his arms in front of himself, letting me continue. He tried to twist his head away at some point but I used one of my hands and grasped him by the chin as I kept on kissing him. Charles moaned into my mouth that it sent this thrill through me. I pulled back and we were gasping over each other's faces, breathless. He tasted like candy. He must have been eating something sweet while he watched a movie earlier. Charles's wide eyes had now slowly become heavy-lidded and there was a look of eagerness and barely suppressed lust on his face.

I bent down and I licked seductively at his lower lip, causing him to shiver again and then I took his wrists and guided him to put his arms about my neck. I continued with the teasing kisses, licking at his lips, nibbling and sucking at them that it caused him to start up each time as if electrically shocked. He nuzzled closer, wanting to be kissed, his mouth parting open in his urgency for more. His arms were still wrapped about my neck and now he was gently and tentatively running his hand through my hair and the back of my neck. I felt my skin race with goosebumps and heat when he touched me. He moaned again and now he was the one that kissed me back, eager for my mouth. He did it so gently and in a shy manner that I thought he was adorable, the way he tried to be demure about it. The act shocked him into realization. He was kissing his superior in bed! I could see that written across his face as he shrank back in horror.

"S-sir? I thought...I thought you hated-"

I didn't answer him. I pulled him close and kissed him hungrily, my tongue diving into his sweet, red mouth. He melted against me when I kissed him deeply. He just simply grew resigned to it. I wrapped my arms around him and we just kept on kissing until we were breathless and gasping again that we had to stop. Both of us are burning up. I knew I couldn't let him leave without something happening between us. Whatever just happened, it had to continue. I reached forward and started to unbutton his shirt and then Charles reached up to stop my hand. Our eyes met and I could see how anxious he was yet still aching for more.

"Sir, what are we doing?"He moaned out.

"Erik-"

"Sir?"

"Call me Erik. Say my name. I want to hear you say it-"

"E-Erik. Why are we doing this?"

I didn't answer him. I undid my hands from his hands and I continued to undress him. He didn't exactly tell me to stop, did he? I managed to remove his shirt, his shoes and socks but seeing how frightened he was, I didn't make a move to remove his pants yet. I had to get him so aroused first that his fears and his anxiety would disappear that he would be willing to have sex. I think the reason why he did not make any objections was that he was afraid I would hurt him, after seeing what I had done to that queer by the street lamp earlier. The knuckle of my right hand was still throbbing and slightly bruised from when I had punched that sissified freak. And I had my own fears to contend with. What I'm doing here right now...I can't seem to stop it. The reckless thought of having sex with him, I should have been repulsed by it. Maybe it was because, I felt differently about Charles. He was not like any of them. I gently brushed the back of my fingers to his blushing cheek. I could see his eyes trembling with unshed tears. I guided him to lie back on the bed and I swooped down and kissed him again before he could say anything. I did it in a wrenchingly tender manner that was unlike me. He was burning up once more, his eyes closed this time as he savored my gentle kisses. His left hand was raised up close to his face, the other was in a loose fist on the bed. I touched him and kissed him like this, my hand trailing down to his belly, my fingers nearly brushing the fly of his zipper. He was quietly weeping as we kissed, his brow still furrowed anxiously. I pulled back so he could recover his breath and then he opened his eyes, imploring me.

"Erik, I've never had sex before. Please-"He uttered in a soft plea. He looked like he was unsure. He didn't know what to do but I could see his arousal; his need. He was a virgin! Haven't made it with one of those in a while. Some say the first time is always the best but what the hell do people know? All that bleeding and crying and pain you are causing another...it wasn't really enjoyable. It was messy and awkward, putting a damper on the fucking. I recall that during those times, I had sex with virgins as a means to build up my own male ego; 'popping a cherry' as they call it and adding the girl to my list of conquests. With Charles, it was just uncharted territory for me so I really don't know what will happen.

I traced my fingers softly over his face and pecked a kiss at his lips. He was just beautiful."I won't hit you, Charles. If that is what you are frightened about. I just want to touch you and make love to you. Do you want me to stop?"

His lower lip was trembling and he looked hesitant; he did not know what response he would say to what I had said. He was afraid, but he was also too aroused to stop now. He was possessed by this same need that gripped me, that it threw all caution to the wind; that it was a reckless and intense feeling that we both wanted to explore. Just so I could egg him on, I reached up and touched one of his hardening nipples, tracing around the pinkish Aureola. He was galvanized by the touch, his face going an even deeper red and he let out a small moan. He looked ashamed of his own lust but he did not fight it anyway.

"So sensitive-"I teased him. I then slowly bent down and kissed his nipple and then I licked it, gently sucking and nibbling at it and then I went for his other nipple. He writhed beneath me, moaning in pleasure. He hesitantly reached for the side of my face, with his burning palm pressed to my equally burning skin. His other hand reached up to try and stop his own mouth from uttering anymore lusty cries. But he just couldn't keep it dammed up. His breathing was hitching as he let out another moan. I cautiously reached down and touched him through his pants. I felt how hard he was and he thrashed beneath me even more violently as my hand fondled him. He let out a shuddery cry and nearly pulled away. His eyes were wide and agitated again so I spoke to him gently.

"I'll make you feel good, Charles. I'm just trying to stop myself but I want to lose control and make love to you so badly, it hurts-"

"I'm a man, Erik. I think you are just drunk-"Charles said by way of an excuse for why I'm behaving like this.

"I'm not drunk. I know what I'm doing and I know what I want right now-"

I reached up and touched his cheek tenderly, running my fingers over his pale skin, my palm tracing down to his neck. His skin was still so hot. I bent down and licked his lower lip again and we started kissing. If he really didn't want it he could have stopped me, but he didn't. He was tentatively putting his arms around me once more. I kissed him with more of my passion, my ardor, so he would really feel how much I desired him. I was kneeling over him as he lay beneath me and the towel about my waist had come undone. His eyes slowly opened and then he saw my erect cock, bobbing up between my legs. I saw where his gaze went that I broke the kiss and pulled the towel away, throwing it to the floor and then I unbuttoned his fly and pulled the zipper down. I slowly took his pants off of him, along with his underwear. He still did not make a move to stop me or pull away. He was afraid but he let me continue. I pushed him back onto the bed and now I did not hold back. I kissed him hungrily and I ran my hands over his body. I touched his chest, his belly and his hips. My hand went down even further and I touched his behind. His face was so red with shame and arousal but he let me go on. I liked seeing that expression on his face. He looked even more sexually desirable to me. God, I want to fuck him so bad! I never had a feeling as crazed and uncontrollable as this!

The lust in him...he never made any effort to hide it. His heavy-lidded eyes convey it; his trembling, burning mouth moans it out and his feverish body writhes around restlessly for more of it. Even down below, his cock was straining with arousal, the pre-cum shining on it's head. Out of curiosity, I reached down and touched his sex, caressing the shaft gently.

"Erik! Oh God!"Charles wailed out and then his body was arching up as I gave him a hand job. Touching another man like this, doing this to him like his body was so familiar to me...I've completely gone mad and surrendered to my lunacy! I don't recall suffering any recent head injury but the actions I am doing right now are indicative of one that had gone completely insane due to a blow to the head. I loathed homosexuals and effeminate men but why am I in bed with another man? What does that make me now? I pushed those thoughts away from me, because my own sexual craving for him was all that mattered. I suppose having sex with him is no different than how it is with women. I'd fucked women in the ass before so I know we needed some form of lubrication so that it wouldn't hurt him too badly. I didn't have any condoms stashed around at the moment so I decided to go bareback with him. It didn't matter. I rummaged around in one of my drawers and I found some KY. With trembling hands, I slathered some of it on my cock and his behind. He trembled violently when my fingers went to the cleft between his ass, massaging his hole. His blush deepened again and he let out a weak moan, shutting his eyes tightly for a moment. He was still lying down on his back, facing me. I positioned myself on top of him and parted his legs gently.

"Ready?"I asked him in a soft voice. He responded with another of his trembling moans, opening his eyes and I saw the blazing heat in them, the hunger. He wanted me. He wanted me to go on. His arms were thrown up in abandon onto the pillows and then I entered him slowly. So tight and so hot. He made these grunting noises along with me, his had a higher octave than mine. He sounded hurt. Both of us are basted in sweat, our skins sliding hotly against each.

"Charles?"I whispered against his cheek, wincing as I tried my best to hold back and not shoot my load before I'm done with him. He whimpered and the tears squeezed out of his eyes as he nodded minutely.

"Please Erik, please-"Charles moaned, his arms and his legs wrapping around me, indicating he wanted us to continue. My hips thrusted slowly, deeply into him; my own cock straining and hurting with building sensations. I wanted to quicken but I didn't want to cause Charles so much pain. I moaned tightly at his neck, kissing at the hollow of his throat and licking at the sweat, while his own moans filled my ears. I liked hearing him moan like this, breathless and desperate sounding. Oh that heat in him! That blissful tightness! It was killing me with pleasure. I quickened, breathing deeply of him, my arms propped at his sides as he clung to me. His eyes were closed but he opened them in a half-lidded gaze of lust, staring up at me. I couldn't stand it anymore. I went even faster, my hips pounding up against him that his cries grew louder, quickening in time to my pumping motions as I fucked him hard. He was driving me crazy with so much lust. I was desperate to end these peaking sensations, to find release in him. We went faster, our cries mingling in the air, frantic to reach that inevitable climax and then I did come inside of him. He started in shock when he felt the gush of my come in his backside. And then I collapsed on top of him, gasping. The room resounded with our gasping and our ragged breathing. When the heat had passed from me, I slid to his side and then I drew him close to give him sloppy kisses. I think I fell asleep for some time and when I woke up, it was still dark outside and he was still next to me, sleeping. I pulled him close again and kissed him possessively. He woke up in an instant, returning the kisses and then I was forcing him to lie on his stomach next so I could take him from behind. I still want more.

The blush rose to his cheeks again, his eyes heavy with desire for me. He wanted another go, too. I guided him to lift his ass up a bit, parted his legs then I used some of that KY and fucked him senseless once more. His cries rended the air with that wanton, ragged lust in his voice. I can't stop wanting him and taking him. I wanted to fill him up with all my heat and my own lust. I wanted to drive him insane with the same pleasure I was feeling. The sex. I can't begin to describe how fucking incredible it was. It was like I was melting, merging with him and it was like we were one fluid being. It felt as if I was so sexually starved for him. I wanted him that badly. I felt the hairs on my body stand on end just to hear him moaning for more of me. I don't remember how many times we kissed and touched and fucked each other. I've never had something as desperate and raw as this strange desire for him. He was so willing to do anything, giving his body freely for my pleasure. When we were done, it was almost dawn. I wrapped my arms around him and we slept until noon. It was the weekend anyway and we had no work. He was the one that woke up first. He was already dressed, about ready to leave but I called out to him.

"Where are you going?"I demanded.

His shoulders hitched up stiffly. He turned to face me, his face filled with fear."Sir?"

"Come back here!"

He hesitantly made his way back and began stammering a response about what happened between us.

"Sir, about last night. I don't know what happened. Please don't beat me up because I-"

I snatched one of his wrists and drew him close to myself and kissed him again. That shut him up. I licked slowly at his lower lip, savoring the plushness of it. He moaned and sighed into the kiss and then when we parted I drew him close into my arms. He was breathless and blushing furiously, his body heat rising up.

"How many times do you need me to tell you? Call me Erik-"

I gently caressed the hair away from his forehead and he was surprised by my gentleness, eyes wide and still somehow wary of me.

"Charles, I won't hurt you. Don't be so afraid of me-"I soothed him, tracing my fingers softly over his face.

"But Erik, last night was a mistake. I-"

"Stop thinking about that for now! I don't want to think. I just want to feel! So take your clothes off and come back to bed!"I growled at him affectionately. Charles's eyes grew round at my words; he was too stunned that he just sat there, mouth hanging open and he did not comply. I let out an exasperated breath and started to unbutton his shirt for him and take the rest of his clothes off of him.

"Jesus! You can be slow sometimes, you know?"I complained and then I guided him back to bed and hugged him to myself. He had taken a bath and he had used my soap. I could also smell my shampoo in his hair. I pressed my nose to his hair and breathed in. I liked the smell of it. It was this citrus-sandalwood scent that smelled manly yet there was a sweetly juicy note to it. I kissed his temple and sighed contentedly. He lay there quiet and meek as he regarded me. We didn't say anything to each other for some time. I pulled back from him slightly so I can prop myself up on one elbow and drink in the sight of him.

"I wasn't drunk, Charles. I kept telling you but you just won't listen. I know what happened last night-"

"I'm sorry-"Charles said in a subdued voice.

"What are you sorry for? It's me who should be sorry! You think this is easy for me? I was the one that kissed you and forced myself on you! What does that make me now?"My voice rose in anger. I wasn't angry with him. I was angry with myself. Charles looked uncomfortable, at a loss for words. I shook my head slowly.

"Damn!"I muttered and eyed him. He did his best to keep his own eyes down, frightened by my anger. We didn't say anything for some time. Finally, I let out a tired sigh.

"Look at me, Charles-"

He lifted his eyes to look up at me tenderly and goddamn it! I want to make love to him again, just seeing his face like that! I ran my fingers gently over his brow, caressing downwards so that my fingers traced over his cheekbone.

"Don't involve the outside world, Charles. Let's just...let's just pretend that inside here, its different between you and me-"I told him gently. He looked like he was on the verge of tears again but he nodded, accepting what I had said. I reached gently for one of his hands so he can touch my skin.

"Touch me. It's ok. You can do what you want with me. You can let go and lose control-"

Charles let out a soft moan and hugged me to himself, kissing my cheek. He was so feverish again. He breathed hotly against my throat that it sent those flashes of heat and goosebumps down my skin, like fire and ice. Is it really like this when you do it with another man? Maybe because it was so different, it made it all the more dangerously erotic and sensual. The sex with him, it was just so intense and earth-shattering, it just about destroyed every inch of my sanity. He was the one that had me lying on my back, impaling himself on my cock. He rode me and he was so open and honest that it showed even in the way he made love to me. He was really into what he was doing with me, undulating so wantonly, leaning back so I can have this indecent view of his body, showing me his behind sliding up and down on my sex. The cries coming from his throat, like it was hurting him because it felt so good to have sex with me, it just aroused me and broke down all my defenses. How many times did we have sex that day? I couldn't even keep count anymore. But all I remember was how good it was to fuck him. I remember the natural smell of his skin, how hot he was and how gentle he was with me. I couldn't stop kissing his lips; I couldn't stop touching him. Like every moment was like our last time in bed together. We only stopped to eat what I had ready in the kitchen. There had been no time to even heat the cans of soup we had or toast the bread. We just ate to get that bodily need over and then we go and fuck each other frantically all over again. His hips must be killing him! The skin on my cock was looking a bit red and run through. The solution was to sleep for a bit, kiss for hours and then fuck again after. I couldn't stop myself because I wanted him so much. We had exhausted sex, that slow and almost thoughtless meeting of our hips together; our sex losing volition, just aching to be united and then there was that wild and frenetic one where we just about ram against each other violently, grabbing roughly at each other. We spent two days together and I can't even believe I could have sex that long...and with a man no less!

I almost did not want it to end, but I had to let him go. We had work the next day. When he left, I thought about what had happened between us. Perhaps now that I had fucked him so thoroughly, he would finally stop haunting my thoughts. That I could now drop him and treat him indifferently. That has always been how it was between me and my sexual encounters with women. I had supposed it would be the same with him. But when we met in the office come Monday and I saw his face, I felt my heart skipping madly inside of my chest. My pulse was racing at those remembered moments of lust and hot sex and I think he thought the same because a look of pleasure crossed his expression at the sight of me. He bit his lower lip and then he offered me a small, seductive smile. He had my coffee ready and the reports and the papers all organized as always.

"Good morning, Sir!"Charles greeted me affectionately. I looked up to see if anyone was passing close to my office because the blinds were drawn away and our doors were open. Seeing a few people about, I greeted him coldly with an annoyed stare and my silence. Charles noticed how frosty I was that his expression grew sad, averting his eyes from me. He knew my reputation so he had an idea why I was behaving this way towards him. I treated him the usual way. I was dismissive towards him and abrupt. I showed everyone outside that I glared at him behind his back.

"Xavier! Where is that report from Sales? I asked for it ten minutes ago!"I shouted out at him from my doorway and Charles looked up at me with those wounded eyes from his desk and I thought my heart would break at the sight of him. _Why? Why do I feel so terrible that I am doing this to you? This is who I am! I'm the Boss from hell! The homophobe! I treat women like dirt to assert my masculinity in front of people and I think everyone else is beneath me! I'm the egotistic bastard who thinks highly of himself! But why do you make me feel this way? What is it about you that you make me feel like I'm the worst scum on earth because of the way I am treating you now? _

Charles swallowed and looked back at his screen as he kept typing in front of his computer, his fingers flying on the keyboard."I'm finishing it right now , Sir! I'm sorry for the delay-"

"Get your head out of the clouds, Xavier and do your job! What have I promoted you for if you give me such a poor performance?"I said in a loud and gruff voice for all to hear. Charles winced at those words yet he did not say anything anymore but got right down to his work. He went about the office that entire day looking pale and lifeless; he could not hide the sadness he felt. He wasn't crying or anything but it made me feel guilty seeing him react this way towards me. What was I to do? I have my reputation to keep! And if people saw me treating him differently, what would they think? I didn't try to explain myself to him. When the day ended, Charles was practically rushing to leave the office. I watched his departure from the glass wall of my own office and he did not see the pained expression on my face. I was surprised by the wetness on my cheek and when I touched it, I realized that these were my tears. I was crying and I did not even know it.


	2. Chapter 2

_I was still riddled with this guilt that I had hurt him with my actions, even if we both knew who I was before I slept with him. I couldn't just change the way I treat him in front of others. What if people start becoming suspicious and go thinking I'm gay? I'm not gay! I'M NOT! Whatever happened between us, I did not want to think that it had turned us both into homosexuals. I'd like to think of us as still men. I just happen to like him. I desired him, that's all! It was his damned eyes that started this! What happened to me? What is this crazy thing that had possessed me and made me behave this way? Is this like some Karma shit for all the times that I had bashed gays and beat up fags in the street corners? Is this really how I feel inside and I've repressed it because in truth I really am…OH FUCK! No! Hell no! I'm not like that! But what am I now? What am I? Jeez, I'm so fucked up…_

It was almost Christmas and the days passed us by without us talking about what had happened. We focused on our work instead. Charles was his nerdy, serious self again; brooding and solemn when we talk about the business deals and things pertaining to office affairs. I had thought that if we just got back to the way we were, before we had sex, I will become indifferent towards him; that this unnatural desire for him would go away. But it didn't. The more I see him at the office, the more I remember that I had kissed his lips so passionately and touched him and that it felt so good to make love to him. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I dream about him every night and I wake up with a fucking boner each morning at these unconscious thoughts of him. Fuck! What the hell happened to me? I was a mess inside even though I dared not to show it to anyone. I've been so callous with numerous women before, dumping them and treating them with apathy after sex but how come with him, I feel so different?_ I still longed for him, sexually._ I treated him like dirt as usual and I spoke to him in a curt and rude manner. He didn't retaliate. He didn't tell me what he thought of me like how he did it in the cab before. He accepted my rudeness quietly. But the thing that got me so mad was that he showed me these sad blue eyes of his and he did not hide them from me. I think that caused me to become even more abusive towards him.

I gave him huge piles of paperwork and had him running in and out of the office for errands. I had him working late hours with me so we can review the reports being sent in together. I took him with me to some of my business meetings and I humiliated him in front of other people to show everyone how incompetent he was. Charles just took his lumps and apologized. I hated him for being like this, for enduring even after all I had put him through. I wanted him to get mad at me, to try and voice out how much he hated me now but he just silently suffered, allowing me to keep treating him like this. It made me sick to my stomach because it was destroying me on the inside. I don't think he even knew. When Christmas time came about, I usually spend it with some woman at an expensive hotel after partying with my friends but today, it seems as if all the guys are off to spend their Christmas moments early with their families. That was the downside of having married colleagues. They can't be around all the time when you need them. It was always family time that's the priority. It makes me want to puke! I don't even spend Christmas with my parents! My Mom lives in a different state and Dad has his own family, with a wife and two little girls, although he did try to invite me over a few times. Charles could not book a flight back to his relatives in time because all the flights are fully booked during the season. So both of us ended up working late to finish up with a holiday report that had to be rushed in or else we would be swamped after the holidays if we don't look it over. After work, I would probably go to a bar and spend my Christmas Eve with some woman I will meet there. Charles and I were sitting together in one of the meeting rooms, finishing up running through the reports.

"Are you done with that batch?"I asked him after I had finished my own pile and Charles nodded without looking at me. His face was still stuck in one of the portfolios he was scanning through.

"Yes, Sir-"

"Well then, we are almost finished here!" I yawned and stretched. I can't wait to go out and have a tall glass of beer in my hand; to lie in bed with a warm body next to mine. I looked over at Charles curiously and a thought suddenly came to me. I decided to engage him in some small talk since no one was around anymore. Most of our colleagues in the department had already left to celebrate the holidays.

"So, since you weren't able to catch a flight, where will you be celebrating your Christmas?"I asked offhandedly, trying a hand at some civility.

Charles finally stopped his perusal of the portfolio and gave me an odd look."I'll be visiting my Mom and Dad-"He said quietly.

I found myself feeling awkward around him because I don't know if being civil when it was just the two of us would be ok with him or if I should just keep on being an ass. I mean, come on! Would another person like it if you keep swinging from one behavior towards them and then show a different side after? If I treated him in the usual way I treat him, there would be less confusion, no mixed signals. I cleared my throat and finished up with the rest of my report while we became coldly silent towards each other again. We did not even greet each other a Merry Christmas when we left the office separately. I left first but as I was walking out in the dark parking lot and I looked down at my watch, I realized it was very late. I don't know where Charles lived so I decided to go back to him and offer to give him a ride. I guess I felt that I still owed him for that cab ride. I don't know why I'm getting like this again. Maybe it was because I felt sorry for asking him to spend longer hours at the office on a Christmas night when he could have spent it with his parents. I just don't know. He was already out the door when I caught him.

"Charles, wait!"

He turned those clear blue eyes on me, his face startled and I swear, my heart did somersaults in my chest just seeing the look on his face; our gazes meeting once more. He had on this dark blue coat that enhanced the color of his eyes and he had a dark gray scarf around his neck. He wore his metal framed glasses today too. Perhaps he was alternating between wearing his contacts and glasses. I like his eyes, the tender look in them. I liked looking at his endearing, sweet face. I tried to act cool and walked over to him.

"It's really late. I owe you for that cab ride from before. I'd like to drive you back to your place-"

Charles appeared doubtful and looked away from me, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Seeing him stand out there, the wind blowing his brown hair about, the background of the city lights and night sky surrounding us, he just looked beautiful. The urge to kiss him rose within me again but I controlled myself. I was starting to believe that after how I had been treating him of late, he would definitely say no to my offer but he finally nodded in acceptance and he followed me to the parking lot. We got in the car and I asked him what address I am taking him to.

"Would it be alright Mr Lehnsherr if we make a quick stop over at the corner store? I'm not sure if they are still open but I just need to buy something for my parents first-"

"Sure-"

I drove him to the corner store and it was still open. He hurriedly got down from the car and went in. He bought something that I could not clearly see from the car window and when he got back into the car, I saw that he bought this big bouquet of flowers. White and Red roses, Baby's breath and small Daisies. I thought it was such a gay gift to give his parents on a Christmas day! I was quietly amused at the sight of it and then I asked Charles our next destination and he said he needed to get to the Graymalkin Church next. I chuckled inwardly. Charles going to church before meeting his parents! On top of being so gay, he's also a religious Nutter! He noticed my amusement but he did not say anything. In fact, he smiled back at me sadly.

"I hope you don't mind me going there, Mr Lehnsherr-"Charles addressed me formally. I shrugged and I gave him a small grin.

"No, this I actually got to see! I haven't been to that Church in ages!"

"Oh you want to join me?"Charles queried.

"Hell yeah! I wanna see what the inside of it looks now. I recall I've visited that church when I was very little-"

"Are you sure? I'm sorry if I have already inconvenienced you for driving me to my destination-"

"Why not? It's a Christmas day, anyway!"I was indicating that I am in a giving mood, as this would be my excuse to treat him just a little bit better.

Charles nodded gratefully at that and then we arrived at the church after half an hour. It was located in this very antiquated side of the city where old, crumbling houses still stood and it had lots of these ancestral homes. Because it was late, there were not much people around but there are a few people here and there that came to say their prayers. Charles and I went in and he sat in one of the pews and said a short prayer. I just stood by watching him, waiting for him to finish. I looked about, admiring the church. Damn, time flies by but this place still looked the same. Charles got up and then he gestured we could go outside now. I followed him. I thought he was heading for the car but instead, he was going to the side of the church and he was heading towards the wrought-iron gates that divided the church...from the cemetery. It immediately dawned upon me why Charles bought those flowers and I felt like such an insensitive prick! I cursed myself inwardly as I followed him down the lines of graves and memorials until we got to a gravestone that had both the names of his parents on it with the date of their birth and death. Below that there was a simple epitaph: In loving memory of Brian and Sharon, may you always reside in the heart of your Son. It looked vaguely familiar to me. Charles unwrapped the flowers from the plastic wrapping and he gently placed it on the ground beneath the gravestone slab. He stood there for a moment, his expression gentle as he looked down at the grave. His eyes were slightly moist and then he spoke softly to them, his breath sending up puffs of condensed air in the bitter cold.

"Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad!"

I felt terrible about what I was thinking about him earlier and it made me extremely guilty. I tried to absolve myself of my actions and I thought what the hell! Why should I be guilty? He's just a lowly assistant that I'm recently training for a better position! Why should it affect me so much that I had these mean thoughts about him? But then, Charles took out a smaller bouquet of Daisies and Pink Carnations from the paper bag he was carrying and he was handing it to me. I was confused as to why he would be handing me that bunch of flowers.

"Here, you do the honors. You haven't visited her in a while. You might as well give the flowers this time-"

"What?"

"Your sister! You haven't visited her grave for the longest time. I see your father come here sometimes but I haven't seen your mom or you come around-"

He was talking about Ruth. My younger sister that had died when I was ten. How in the world did Charles know about her? I felt tears start in my eyes at the thought of her, how she died tragically. She was hit by a car right before my very eyes and I remember I grieved for her for the longest time. She was interred in this very cemetery and she was only six and to my shame, I've actually forgotten about her. I wanted to ask him how he knew and then a memory from long ago came rushing back to me...

_That first time I visited her by myself one afternoon, I had just ran away from home because my parents are fighting again. I just needed to be with someone that mattered to me. I know of no one else but my sister. So I went to her grave and I kneeled before her gravestone and I cried quietly. I cried for her as much as I cried for myself. I only had one Daisy with me and I placed it on the stone slab. After I had finished with my crying and grieving, I stood up but I lingered in the graveyard. I wasn't afraid to be by myself. I took a moment to look around and then I saw this little boy, he looked to be about six or seven, being led by a priest to a large gravestone. He was weeping openly, his fists pressed to his eyes as he cried. The priest had told him he will give him a moment by himself and then the old man went back to the wrought-iron gates to wait for him. I wiped at my own eyes and then I don't know why but I walked over to him to watch him as he placed these small bunch of Baby's Breath he probably picked up by himself and he placed it on the ground before the grave. He was trembling and weeping still and he wailed out to his parents in a small and broken voice._

_"Mom! Dad!"_

_I felt sorry for him. He lost both of his parents. I understood his grief but not the gravity of it. I made my way towards him and I kneeled right next to him as he kept on crying. He finally noticed my presence that he looked up at me with his anguished, tear-streaked face. He was a cute kid. His brown hair was cut really short; his blue eyes, vast and swimming in tears. His face was angelic and sweet. I gently reached out for him and without a word, I hugged him to myself._

_"I lost my sister too. Her name is Ruth-"I said in a quiet voice. When I pulled back, I pointed out where her grave was while I kept an arm about him. He was still crying and he tried to gruffly wipe at his eyes. His nose was dripping so I took out my handkerchief and wiped at his face and then his nose. He didn't appear to have a handkerchief with him. He looked up at me in awe as I did this. Then, seeing that he still needed some kind words to soldier him on, I hugged him to myself again and I whispered in his ear._

_"Don't worry. They're watching over you anyway, even if they are not here. They're up in the sky but it doesn't mean that they don't love you. They still do. Love never goes away. It's like the wind; you feel it even if it's not there. It's going to be hard, I know but I promise, it will get better-" (Wise words coming from a ten year old like me, right? I think I was still so naive back then.) That little boy hugged me back. We hugged for some time and then the priest was calling him because it was time for him to go. The boy reluctantly got up, ran towards the direction of the call but he stopped to give me a small wave and a gentle smile and then he was gone. I didn't even know his name then._

"It was you? That little boy? How could you remember that? It was a long time ago!"I cried out, my eyes widening as Charles regarded me quietly, knowing that the memory of our first encounter had finally come back to me. He smiled at me tenderly and then he looked up at the bleak skies that are interspersed with dots of stars, winking down at us faintly.

"I remember what you told me back then. I never forgot that, Mr Lehnsherr. I always repeat those words over and over in my head and I have it by heart. You said to me, 'Don't worry. They're watching over you anyway, even if they are not here. They're up in the sky but it doesn't mean that they don't love you. They still do. Love never goes away. It's like the wind; you feel it even if it's not there. It's going to be hard, I know but I promise, it will get better.' I thought those were the kindest words I have ever heard anyone say to me, even if they are from a total stranger-"

I felt my throat tightening as I struggled with my feelings. Shit! SHIT! I don't want to cry in front of him! He remembered those words even though he was just six! I must have had that much of an impact on him!

"That's why, even if you are like this now, even if you have turned bitter and cruel and full of hatred, I know there is some kindness in you. I always remind myself that it will get better because one day, it will be better for you too-"Charles said kindly.

I staggered away from him, my eyes stinging. Charles lifted the flowers up and held it out to me."It's time, Erik. You have to go and visit Ruth and remember her. You deserve that much for yourself-"

I wanted to say something snide, I wanted to say that I did not care about Ruth anymore, that I even forgot about her and that he could shove those flowers where the sun don't shine. I wanted to leave him there and make him feel like a pathetic idiot for trying to foist his feel-good shit on me but instead I took the flowers from his hand and sedately made my way to Ruth's gravestone. It looked like someone was maintaining it and it was clean and the grass around it was cut. There was a dried bunch of flowers on top of it and I removed it, holding it out to Charles, who placed it in the paper bag he carried so he can throw it away later. I placed the flowers against the gravestone itself and looked down at the name Ruth Lehnsherr. There was a picture included, which was covered by some protective resin to prevent it from fading. She was leaning on a table, smiling happily for the camera. I remembered her fondly; how sweet and kind she was for a girl her age, wishing that she was in a good place. I looked up at Charles, my eyes still hurting because I was trying so hard to stop the tears from coming out.

"I visit her grave sometimes on your behalf, Erik. I think she understands you are too busy-"

"Why would you do that? I was just a strange kid back then-"

"It doesn't matter. You were a kind boy and I wanted to do something to honor the kind words you said to me-"

I let out an exasperated gasp and a bitter laugh."Wow, now you've made me feel like a total ass because of how I have treated you as a man!"

Charles's brow furrowed gently in concern, He came forward to try and touch my shoulder in reassurance as I kneeled down by the grave."Goodness, Mr Lehnsherr! I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just-"

Before he could touch me, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him down towards me, hugging him to myself. "Oh!" Charles cried out, startled.

"Thank you-"I said softly into his ear and we kept on embracing for some time, my heart seeming to soar and break inside of me. It was like I was in a time capsule and we were back in that moment in time when things were simple and children could have their innocent hurts. Charles made this small hum in his throat, accepting my response as he hugged me back. I liked that we were tender to each other like this again. I missed having him next to me; holding him against my body, our mutual loathing for each other long forgotten. It was getting cold so we reluctantly parted and decided to get out of the cemetery. I offered to take him to his house next but he said it was just a few more blocks away and he could walk there by himself. I insisted until he finally relented. He lived in one of those crumbling old ancestral homes that I mentioned. None of our colleagues at work would have been caught dead or living here. He practically lives in a mansion but it was decaying and in need of repair. He has a circular driveway with no cars in sight and the graying house stood forlornly by itself, enclosed by a rusty and rickety iron gate. I got the car around, close to the large crumbling steps before his doorway and I looked at his place curiously.

"You live here by yourself?"

"My relatives used to live here with me several years ago, but they had to move to another state for a better career and for business opportunities. I know I shouldn't stay here anymore but this place had given me such fond memories-"

"Why didn't you have it repaired, then?"

"My parents only left me a small inheritance, enough to get me through college so when the money ran out I couldn't afford to have it repaired anymore. I don't exactly earn six figures at work so I left it as it is-"

"Well the foundation looks sound but the wooden parts of the structure might be decaying. It could become a residential hazard later on-"I said seriously.

"I know, but I'm a sentimental fool-"Charles said sheepishly. He regarded me tenderly for a moment and then he said the magic words I wanted to hear.

"Would you like to come inside and see it for yourself?"

"Yes, of course!"

We both got out of the car and I was in awe of how amazing it looked on the inside. There was a glass dome at the top, that I could actually see the night sky through the glass. Beneath our feet was a decaying dark red carpet that was torn and permanently darkened in places. The place used to have these white, curlicued paneling that had gone a gray-yellow color same as the walls. Heavy, wine-colored curtains still hung over the large windows and what amazed me even more were the numerous books all over the place. In the shelves; on the floor and on the tables. Some of them leather-bound, most of them paperbacks. There was a large, old couch in the receiving hall and a large marble fireplace. The place may look like it was falling apart but it was clean and not too dusty. There was even some chaotic organization to the way the books were spread about that area. To conserve energy, Charles had only lit up the place where we will be sitting down. He had this large flashlight and he gestured for me to follow him as we explored the place. It was huge on the inside.

"Wow, if you really had the money, this place would look fantastic! But a young man like you shouldn't be living here all by yourself! It's not safe-"

Charles suddenly giggled and I thought his small breathy laughter was cute."Sir, I'm 33. I'm hardly a boy-"

I turned to look at him, surprised."Well you look so young. I thought you were just twenty-something or whatever-"I felt foolish because I failed to do the math or even inquire about his birth date.

"Yes, I get that sometimes. People are just surprised when I tell them how old I really am-"

We kept on walking down the dark hallways, looking at old portraits, some old sculptures and the dusty and dingy bedrooms. If he did the housework by himself, it would be a monumental task so it was quite understandable why he did not clean any of the other rooms. After he had shown me around, we went back to the receiving hall and Charles started up a fire in the fireplace so we could get warm. I wanted to know more about him so we talked for sometime as I asked him about himself. Like where his relatives are now and what his interests are. I also asked him for his birthday. He said his birthday was on September 21st. I remembered that on that day, no one even greeted him at the office because he probably never told anyone his birthday. I had him open up to me, telling me intimate details about himself. Then I asked him the question that had been on my mind while we were in the cemetery.

"Did you work at Lehnsherr Enterprises, knowing that I was working there and that my father owns the company? Is that why you were willing to work under me?"I had deduced that he must have researched about me, because he knew about my father and my sister.

Charles smiled ruefully at my words, a soft blush rising to his fair cheeks again."Yes. I wanted to see you again. When I was looking online for some good companies to work in at and build a career, I saw that Lehnsherr Enterprises had an opening so I submitted my resume. I was thrilled that I would be working in your company, even though I would probably never get to see you or speak to you. I ended up in your department after all and I was told I was supposed to be Ms Emma Frost's assistant but it turns out I was going to be under your management. People at the office immediately warned me about you. They said all these awful things about you and I didn't want to believe it at first but when I saw you again for the first time and you frowned at me and passed your eyes over me like you were disgusted with me, I realized you had changed so much from when I last saw you. But I still wanted to see you anyway because I hoped that you would really take a good look at me one day and _really see me_-"

That really got to me. I didn't realize that he made this tremendous effort to work under my father's company, just so he could see me again. It hit me then that he had more than just admiration for me. That was why he wanted to be near me. He had feelings for me. So that was why…That was why...

"Was that why you let me kiss you and make love to you, Charles?"

Charles seemed to start up in his seat when he heard me say those words. His blush deepened again as he looked away. I drew closer to him and then I lifted his chin up so he would look me in the eyes. He looked flustered and nervous at the same time.

"Why didn't you tell me it was you? Why didn't you remind me of that time when we met as little boys?"I asked him gently.

"I...I wanted to tell you but I thought that had been so long ago and I supposed you wouldn't care anymore because you've changed so much. I thought it wouldn't matter or make a difference to you-"

"Would it surprise you if I told you that it does matter?"

Charles's eyes went wide and his mouth opened slightly. God help me, he was making that endearing expression again! That tender look that he reserved only for me. I drew him close and kissed him gently once more. He moaned into my mouth in surprise but he was not able to pull away in time. He stiffened for a moment when I drew him in a warm embrace but he slowly softened and we just kissed like that, softly, oh so softly. I have not kissed a woman in this way, ever. Somehow, this gentle kissing was really nice. It made me light-headed and made me feel warm in a way I had never felt before. It went down deep into my chest and it felt so honest and so peaceful. We kissed for a long time, stopping on occasion to catch our breaths. When our lips part and he was breathlessly gasping, I would start kissing his wide forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks and his rounded chin. He moaned softly against me and we were like melting against each other again. His body was so hot, the heat was pouring out of his pores and this heady scent exuded from him. He smelled so good. His perfume smelled like a combination of Cedar wood and Bergamot, with a hint of ginger. I'm very particular about scents so I have some inkling knowledge of them. His scent was now associated with sex because this was how he had smelled like when we first had sex. I remembered it. I kissed him around his throat, sucking on it hard, knowing I'm leaving my kiss marks on his skin. He was restlessly lolling his head about, getting really aroused and then he suddenly started up violently from his seat, standing up and parting from me quickly.

"It's getting late, Sir! You must have somewhere you need to go to and I've kept you! I'm sorry! Thank you for the ride! I'm going to go get your coat-"

I ran a hand over my face looking up at him with both a mixture of reproach and amusement."I've nowhere to go to, Charles! And you're sending me off when you haven't even offered me anything to drink yet!"

Charles winced at my words, looking so rattled that he made such a poor host, running his hands through his hair absently."I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Sir! I don't have any coffee or beer! I only have tea!"

I sat back in the couch and crossed my arms in front of myself, making it apparent that I am in no hurry to leave at all."Well go make some tea then!"I said loftily.

"Yes, Sir!"

Charles rushed off towards his kitchen to prepare something for me. While he was gone, I checked several messages and season's greetings on my phone and then I turned it off so I would not be disturbed. Several minutes later, he came in carrying a tray laden with a tea pot, two tea cups, some fruit and some cake. He placed these before me and the flowery scent of his tea reached my nostrils. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. I always associate tea with the Brits and the dandy old-fashioned men, but men in our country drinking tea like this, I had always deemed as gay. I liked my coffee, strong and bitter. This drink he was offering me smelled perfumy and sickening. He poured the dark amber drink onto the tea cups, put two sugar cubes in each and he squeezed some lemons over them using tongs. He held out the teacup to me in a saucer with a small spoon. The teacup looked so damned delicate I was afraid to break it. I awkwardly took it from him and stared down at it before I drank it, stirring it with the proffered spoon.

"What the hell is it?"I said as I glared at the brew, afraid of what my taste buds would encounter.

"It's Earl Grey, Sir. It's my favorite tea. I wish I had something more to offer but I only have milk and water in the fridge. I don't think you would like those-"

I brought it to my lips and finally sipped. It tasted citrusy, with some faint bitter notes in it but I suddenly found myself...liking the taste. It had a refreshing mouth-feel to it and the Bergamot really finished it delicately at the end. I drank some more and then I held out my cup for seconds. Charles brightened when he saw that I finished my drink and wanted more. I sampled the cake he had with the tea. He said he had baked it; it was a Lemon butter cake. I polished the slice off and then I ate the Strawberries and Raspberries he had on a small plate. I lifted my cup up when I noticed the time on the mantle-piece clock. It was officially Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Charles!"I greeted him softly.

He gave me that endearingly sweet smile he reserved for me and lifted his cup up in the air too."Merry Christmas, Sir!"

As it turns out, I spent my entire Christmas day with Charles after all. I didn't go out drinking or fucking a woman for some quick sex. We talked some more, deep into the night and I found myself fascinated as he told me some of the funny things that happened to him in this dilapidated mansion. He told me about his quirky but loving relatives and cousins who came to live here with him to help raise him. I laughed when he told me one of his cousins had played a prank on him once and shaved off his entire head. He was crying his eyes out, thinking all his hair had fallen off but then his cousin apologized and admitted to shaving his head while he slept. He said that was his one vanity, his hair. He told me about growing up in this neighborhood and how he frequently visited the graveyard because he had hoped to see me again but he never did see me. He kept going back to the fact that he was looking for me, even as the years had passed us by.

"Charles, what did you hope to accomplish in wanting to see me again?"I asked him and he was not sure how to answer so his gaze went to the fireplace, watching the flames dance in the embers. Even the firelight seemed to love the contours of his face and lent some softness to his eyes.

"To be honest, I don't really know, Sir. Maybe I just hoped that we could be friends-"

"I'm sorry to have shattered your illusion of any budding friendship. As you can see, I am not exactly what you had thought me to be. I'm a horrible person-"

"No you're not Sir!"Charles said automatically and I let out an impatient sigh, sidling my back onto the backing of the couch as I glared at him.

"Look how I treat you in the office now, Charles. I use my position to be rude and abusive towards you, just so I can show everyone else that I hate gay people and despise you personally because you look effeminate and queer to me-"

Charles bowed his head low, mumbling his next response."I understand why you had to do that, Sir. Your reputation would be put into question if you treat me better in the office-"

"Exactly! See, I'm a selfish prick, right? I don't care about your feelings or anyone else's for that matter. If you keep staying under me, you will just experience more abuse. I'll just keep saying all the hurtful words I have always said to you and you will see me doing things that will break your heart-"

Charles grew silent at that for some time, his expression hurt and then he spoke so softly that I did not hear what he had said.

"What did you say?"

"It's ok if you do that to me, Sir. As long as I can still see you-"He said it clearly this time and I felt my heart thump painfully in my chest at those words. Even after all the things that had happened, he wanted me. And the truth of the matter is I wanted him. I wanted him so bad it's like an aching in my belly that won't go away and a pain in my heart and mind that crushes down on me but I still keep on wanting to feel it. I stood up and sat next to him. Then I leaned my head on his shoulder, looking up at the side of his profile while he looked down at me. He was blushing again and he was looking at me with that heart-rending tenderness. My face crumpled up and I tried not to cry but I felt the tears come unbidden. My tears slid down my face and down onto his shoulder.

"Why? Why are you like this?"I moaned out and then I reached for him and embraced him again. I wept openly onto his shoulder. I don't even remember him leading me up the stairs to his bedroom. He wrapped me up in his arms and hugged me as we lay in bed together. We didn't have sex that night. Just lying next to him, feeling the comforting press of his body next to me, was all I needed at the moment, even though I was quietly mortified for showing such weakness. What a way to spend Christmas night. Great! Just fucking fantastic! I have turned into a crying sissy overnight and I will never live it down. When dawn came, I woke up and I was face to face with Charles. He was still sleeping. Even while sleeping, he was exceptionally beautiful. I couldn't believe he was still single. I had been dreaming about him again (It doesn't take much guesswork to know what I was doing to him in my wet dreams) and I woke up with the usual morning wood, pressing uncomfortably within my pants. He did not wake up as I drew closer to gaze at his face. His eyelids are gently fluttering as he slept; his mouth closed and pursed together. He was breathing lightly and slowly. I reached out and I caressed his chest through his T-shirt, feeling for one of his nipples. I sidled closer and I pressed my hard-on against his own sex and that finally woke him up.

His eyes flew open and he looked quite startled."Erik?"

I didn't say anything. I grabbed the back of his neck and drew him close into a frantic and passionate kiss. My tongue played about on his lower lip again, teasing and licking and then I slide my tongue into his mouth and he readily opened his mouth to receive me, even meeting my tongue with his own. His expression grew lusty, darkening with his desire. His eyes grew heavy with want. I kept on kissing him while I grinded up against him, letting him really feel my rock-hard cock. He responded by indecently undulating his hips against me, his own fingers coming up to my chest and tracing down on my own hardening nipples. That intense lust was still there between us. I truly thought I would lose interest in him and yet here I want more of him. I rolled on top of him so that I could delve in for more. The kissing grew rougher, like we were eating up each other's mouths. He bit back on my lower lip hard, his mouth trembling in his excitement and he was moaning as we kissed. I stopped a moment so I could undo my shirt from myself, tearing some of the buttons off carelessly and then I was violently reaching for his shirt to take it off of him. He let out a small complaining cry, desperate to kiss me again, fighting me off so he can hook one arm about my neck, his other hand reaching for my behind to press me up against his own erection. We were violently trying to attack each other as we tried to get our clothes off. There was a moment's hitch when I struggled with my belt and I couldn't remove it properly because my hands shook uncontrollably as Charles suckled on my nipple and throttled down on my painful erection with his hand.

I let out a complaining growl and Charles finally stopped so he could help me with my belt as I satisfied myself for a moment, kissing his face and his temple, licking at his cheek indecently. We got each other naked and then we were just rolling around on the bed, restless to get at each other. I kissed his chest and sucked on his skin so hard I left marks on him. He already had those kiss marks from last night when I kissed his throat but I added some more, marking him possessively. Charles shivered and moaned beneath me, so sexually aroused that he kept licking at his lips and trying to grab at my cock. His face was so red with his arousal too. I fought him off so we can have this aching game of foreplay, trying to see if one of us would finally lose it and attack the other in a sexual frenzy. Charles's expression, like he couldn't stand it anymore that it hurts him was on his face again. That look on his face makes me lose all control just to see it on him. He moaned and writhed beneath me, trembling so badly that his hands shook as he ran his palms down my back and touched my chest. I looked about, my eyes crazed, looking for some lubrication we could use. He had a bottle of lotion close by. I thought that would do. I slathered it on my cock and I smeared some on his back side and then I positioned myself at his hole. I couldn't stand it anymore. I was going to explode with these sensations if I didn't release my heat into him. I slid into his tightness, my hard cock slipping into his depth, really feeling him. He let out this strangled moan at the intrusion, his face contorted as he endured me until I was fully inside of him again, ramming in deep. Both of our bodies had grown hot and sweaty in minutes; my hand slid wetly on the skin of his chest while I quickened my hips. I was propped up on top of him with one arm extended on the bed, with the other I had forced one of his wrists up on the pillows and held him down possessively. His other hand was formed into a fist and he pressed it against his mouth to try and stifle his desperate howls of pleasure. His legs tightened around my waist as I bucked up into him, going wild and losing all control in myself.

I felt like this savage, sexual beast that desired him so badly that I wanted to break him to pieces. His head was turning around on the pillows, lolling about from side to side. His eyes were shut tight as he savored my violent thrusting into him. He wasn't ashamed to yell incomprehensible cries or even moan indecently as I took him. I liked that about him; the honesty of his body and this secret side of him that was mine. How could someone that looked so serious and nerdy and gay be this much of a great fuck in bed? How can he be so willing to be indecent that he would ride my cock all day long and let me hear his desperate cries of pleasure? He may look timid but goddammit! He's a fucking tiger in bed! My hips pummeled faster against him that there was a resounding slap in the room that quickened as our heated flesh met. These dirty sounds, along with his wanton moaning. I was drowning in all of him and wanting to die of this pleasure he was giving me. I grunted and groaned along with him, gasping now, desperate to reach that white-hot place that unites us and then I orgasmed into him. I let out a choked yell when I came. I stopped moving my hips, eyes shut tight as I savored these sensations but he was still moving his own hips, fondling his own cock violently to bring release to himself and then he came after me, his come spreading on his belly and dripping down onto the bed. He let out this breathy moan of pleasure and collapsed back onto the pillows, gasping lightly as I gasped along with him, like we had been racing. I pulled back and I lay down next to him, sighing contentedly. He sidled up against me, lifting his face and I kissed him gently this time.

We slept again for a short time but when I woke up, Charles was sitting on the edge of the bed and he was pressing my shirt to his face and he was crying quietly. I was seized by this sudden affection for him again. I edged over to where he was sitting; both of us naked and then he lifted his face to look up at me. That poignant, indescribable hurt in his expression; his sad eyes. I almost...wanted to tell him that I love him. But that was stupid! I can't tell him that I love him! He's a man! I've said those words offhandedly before to some women but then I realize now that I'm with him, if I had said the words, I would have meant it this time. But I didn't dare say it. I was at war with myself on what I really feel about him. Saying it like that would have been meaningless.

"What's wrong, Charles?"

Charles shook his head slowly and kept crying, the tears flowing down his cheeks."Everything is wrong, Erik! Everything! You've thoroughly destroyed me! You've taken over my body and soul and yet...I can't stop wanting you. Isn't that insane?" He sniffed and tried to wipe furiously at his eyes. I put an arm around him and pressed my head against his, gently running my hand on his shoulder.

"What have I told you before Charles, huh? Inside here, when it's just the two of us, things will be different between you and me. If you want me to be gentle and warm, I'll do that for you. If you want us to both go wild and lose control, I'll give you that too. Can't you see that I want you too? That I want to touch you and kiss you and make love to you so bad its killing me?"

He lifted his face up to mine again and nuzzled his cheek against my throat. His breath was hitching as he tried to get his tears under control.

"I just want to know, do you want this to continue? Because if all of this is just hurting you and making you miserable, we can stop. You can resign if you want to-"

Perhaps the prospect of not seeing me again, or being parted from me frightened him even more that what was happening between us. He pulled back to look me at me straight, shaking his head vehemently.

"Erik, I do want you! I don't want us to stop seeing each other! I...I just want to be near you always-"He said softly, cheeks beautifully flushed by his admission. My heart was aching at the thought that I had to keep on doing what I have been doing to him, hurting and rejecting him in front of other people when I feel this affection for him deep inside.

"Well then, do you agree to an arrangement between us?"

He understood what I meant, of course. He was silent for a moment, turning his face up to the ceiling as if he was trying to search the air for some solution and then he faced me and nodded grimly.

"Good, because I've come to the realization myself that I want to keep seeing you. If you want, we can always meet here at your place-"

"Alright, Erik-"

"I was about to do something...what was it? Ah!"I said brightly and then I reached for his cock and fondled him seductively. He started in shock and he looked down in arousal as I gave him a handjob. He was moaning indecently again, really letting himself get into it. He threw his head back, eyelashes dewy with tears as I worked on his throbbing sex. It reacted to my touch instantly. I nuzzled his shoulder and then I nibbled at his earlobe, moving up to kiss the back of his neck hotly. It sent a thrill through him that had him quaking and so aroused, his knees shaking because it was too much. I kissed his cheek and then I kissed his lips, part of his back pressed to my chest and then I quickened my movements. He broke the kiss, eyes widening.

"Hahhh!Hahhh!Oh God!"He moaned out lustily.

He hurriedly got up, pushed me back on the bed and climbed up on top of me. He was still slick and hot down there with my juices so it was easy for him to slide down my shaft and ride me. He had his burning palms on my chest and his behind thrusted out invitingly when he got me all the way inside of himself. His legs were still quaking in anticipation for the intense fucking that was about to happen. I grunted and let out strangled cries of my own as he rode me. He's still so fucking hot and tight! How could that backside of his feel this hot? Like I just slipped into something molten! He was doing it again, that obscene little display of his hole as he undulated on top of me and made these long, erotic drawn out cries that made the hairs on my skin stand on end; that made my heart race frantically in my chest and made my blood rush hotly all over. So fucking good! I threw my own head back in abandon, canting my hips up violently to meet him. I want to lose myself in him over and over. Needless to say, we fucked like animals in heat all day that morning and into the afternoon. We only stopped to take a shower, and then we made out some more. After that, Charles announced he would like to cook something for me. I followed him down to the kitchen, both of us naked. He hobbled a bit as he walked. It amused me because I've had him bending over and had been slamming myself against his hips repeatedly that he must still be sore from all the fucking. His hands shook slightly as he tried to chop some vegetables.

I wrapped my arms around him gently, hugging him from behind and kissing the back of his ear."Look at you, Charles. You're still trembling all over. Don't force yourself to cook something for me-"

"I want to do this for you, Erik-"Charles said affectionately and then he pecked a kiss on my lips and continued. He made us both some vegetable soup and scrambled eggs with buttered toast and I languidly looked him over, smiling at him as we ate, enjoying the sight of him going about naked. Charles wore his glasses and he was smiling back at me lovingly. Both of us felt the same. We were content to be together like this. This moment, this day...it goes right up at the top of my 'happiest moment' list. We didn't have sex anymore as the night drew near. We just simply enjoyed being together. We read some books and drank some tea, watched a movie on his DVD player and then he asked shyly if it was ok to go for a walk with me and I instantly said yes. He wanted to go back to the cemetery to see his parents again. We held hands as we walked and I found myself unafraid of being judged here. That it was ok to hold his hand and not feel as if this was so gay and disgusting. I was pleasantly surprised that this day had ended so wonderfully. I drove back home after spending that one Christmas day with him but the day after that, I felt heavy at heart because we would have to play the roles we had begun with before we became affectionate towards each other. I'm still the mean boss and he's still the solemn and brooding assistant.

"Damn it, Charles! One report is missing from the files! Where the hell is it?" I snarled at Charles as we worked with Emma and Janos to complete the new Analysis portfolio that would have to be sent up to the Merchant's group. It was a joint effort with Emma and Janos because Charles and I had completed the Holiday report and Emma needed a hand. We were all in a meeting room, high-strung to meet the deadline, all of us looking stressed except for Charles. Janos was frantically talking to someone on the phone to send up the new numbers soon or our necks would be on the line, while Charles and I, along with Emma and Raven sorted through the paper work on the table to make sure the report was organized and ready. Charles said he would get the report and ducked out of the room. He was running down the aisle as he brought a new photocopy of the missing file moments later.

"The fucking graphs! Where did you put it?" I said as I looked over the papers hurriedly for it and Charles calmly bent close to me to pull the graph from underneath the new photocopies he brought in.

"Here it is, Sir-"

"Well why the hell is it under there?"I asked him truculently and Charles softly told me that he brought it up as a reserve, in case the other graph went missing. I sniffed angrily and glared at him while we continued with the sorting. I tried not to smile at him, because deep down I admired the fact that he had the forethought to get that ready. He was such a goddamned adorable geek! When we were thankfully done, Raven went rushing out to take the report to the Merchant's department herself. I congratulated Emma and Janos, telling them we did a good job but I showed them that I am completely ignoring Charles, deliberately not acknowledging him. In my mind, I congratulated him for saving the day repeatedly by thinking ahead. I left the room and briskly walked back to my office. Charles had followed me and went back to his desk. I left him a Post it note there, telling him thank you and that I couldn't have done it without him. I sat down in front of my laptop, typing up a new set of documents, sending my emails and then I heard Charles make this small sigh. He had read the note. My door was open and so he peered in and gave me a loving smile. He was glowing with it but I did not smile back because our doors were open again and there are people milling about. I gave him a curt nod instead and went back to my laptop. He was still smiling anyway and then he went on his own desktop computer to continue working. I smiled inwardly and sent him an instant messaging of a smiley and a heart. _He'll definitely like that! _Charles responded by sending me hearts and kisses. I couldn't stop that small smile from creeping up on my face.

"What are you smiling about?"Victor suddenly drawled when he had barged in unannounced. I frowned and closed Charles's IM to face Victor.

"Nothing. Just glad the Analysis portfolio is done-"

"Yeah, Janos told me-"

"Well are we off to lunch?"I asked Victor and he said he was ready. I got up and then as I passed by Charles's table, I glowered at him and tersely told him to make sure to get my messages and put any new reports on my desk. Charles nodded gravely, his face carefully solemn. Victor chuckled at how I glared at Charles and we both left. I thought about Charles as I ate with my friends and then when I got back to the office, Charles looked up at me quietly. As I passed by his table again to get to my office, I placed a small packet on his keyboard and went into my office hurriedly. It was a heart-shaped cookie I bought along the way. I wanted to give Charles something to eat now because his lunch was a little later than mine. I don't know why I wanted to do these sweet little things for him but like I've said, I've grown so affectionate towards him that I can't help thinking about him. I wanted to make up for my rudeness in the smallest possible ways. Charles entered the room after asking permission to enter, carrying a new set of reports that I needed to look over and on top of the report was a blue Post it note. It simply said thank you, with Xs and Os beneath it. I looked down at the note affectionately. Perhaps we can make this work. Perhaps, we can just drop this entire charade of hating each other and just be together...but my stupid fucking ego; my pride kept getting in the way.


	3. Chapter 3

This is a complicated situation I have put myself into. I've been known to be a homophobic 'player' that's so full of himself, that If I change into someone who was actually likeable, that if I stopped being who I am, what would my friends say? What would the people at work say? I've prided myself in my reputation and my position of power and to lose that, I would look weak before their eyes, I would be eating my own words and I would be a hypocrite that could not practice what he preaches. I would be the laughing stock of the entire company. Why did I have to go and end up having a relationship with another man when I'm supposed to be repulsed by him? Why? When our eyes met, something about Charles really touched me and I realized it had something to do with what had actually happened when we met in the cemetery many years ago. That was why I liked him. Maybe...I'm even in love with him.

I had seriously considered that idea because he made me feel so different. He made me want to be a better person. No one had touched me as profoundly as he had touched me before. No one had turned my entire world upside down and made me want to go crazy and see things in a better light. God! Why did he have to be a man? Why shouldn't it have been a woman? Maybe because it had to be him. I don't know what I'm doing any more. I kept reiterating to myself he's just someone so endearing to me and admitting to him in words that I love him would just be stupidity on my part. I can't possibly be in love with a man! I can't be! Maybe it's because when you become this tenderly intimate with someone, you tend to become fond of that person. That's when you become concerned for them; that's when you worry for their well-being. The thing I worry about every day is how to deal with him at work. It's like in my head I'm walking on eggshells because if I change the way I treat him, if I stopped being mean to him, people would wonder. And he said he understood my position. He accepted this. I wished he would just resign from work so I could just see him in secret and no one would have to know about us and I wouldn't have to pretend to be abusive towards him. But of course I have told you about Charles's tenacity and his desire in wanting to build a career here, have I not? I suppose that was one of the reasons why I liked him.

I completely understand why he wanted to continue working at Lehnsherr Enterprises. My father's company is the number one business in our state; corporate-minded individuals and power-hungry upstarts would do anything to get a position here. To build up his career in such a prestigious company would be a big boost to Charles career-wise, especially if he was under my department and under my management. In a few years time, I would be taking over the company. That was why my father had me working in the Information Analysis Department and Project Reviewers Group so that I would have a deeper understanding of how the company works. And of course I didn't want to look incompetent so I worked my ass off like the rest of the people and delivered the goods come crunch time. Sure, I could be lazy sometimes or hand a lackluster report in but if I am to take over the company, I wouldn't want to lose revenue for an entire department. That would be embarrassing. So when the big reports come in, I get my game on. Seeing Charles trying to grasp the business dealings and juggle around with the complication of being my assistant/protégé/lover all at the same time, I was impressed that he could even manage the high-pressure world we live in. He was that focused; that determined to rise up the ranks.

Because Charles was still under me and it's been almost a year and he's _still_ under me, my own friends are starting to doubt my capability in dealing with Charles. I had to give the excuse that I have to be careful, because I'm on my Dad's radar so I can't just humiliate him into resigning like how I did it to my previous assistants or the gay colleagues that I despised. I kept telling them that Charles threatened me with direct inquiries from the Department of Labor so I can't touch him. I told them I could probably drop Charles to the bottom of the bucket and place him in the most hellish and most hated division in our company once I take the helm from my father. I could kick him over to Sales & Customer Service. The Attrition rate in that group can be pretty high and we have been unable to retain anyone for more than a year. That would force Charles to eventually resign. I thought this was a good plan since that would allow Charles to remain under my wing for a few more years but it seems they are not satisfied with that. They wanted me to do something more extreme. I said I was planning something, a delaying tactic really even though I had nothing. When New Year's Eve came, I didn't know they would actually take matters into their own hands.

The company had arranged for a New Year's Eve celebration to be held at the Lehnsherr Enterprises Building itself by using one of the large Function Rooms, which was designed for such company events. A fireworks display had also been planned for our viewing at the roof top. This time, Janos and Victor would be staying to celebrate at the company. We had our best suits put aside in our locker rooms for some of us who did not bother to go home. We just showered and got ready at work while the ladies had to leave early to prepare and primp up, wearing their expensive ball gowns and evening dresses. Even Charles was there and he had told me beforehand that he had bought a suit and it was the one luxury he availed for himself. The buzz of excitement hung in the air on that fateful day; it almost felt like some sort of juvenile promenade as we prepared for the party and when I got to the Function room some time later, I saw some of my other colleagues in the department are already there. There were a lot of people from other divisions present as well. Everyone that attended was in their best threads and looking all jazzed up for the event. Of course, the company heads were already at the largest table at the back of the room where my father presides over them. At the middle of the function room, round tables with white tablecloths have been set up and we were attended on by a famous catering company. I heard the food was lavish and the service was commendable. A mobile bar was also assembled and I saw Janos and Victor pretty much hogging a space to themselves. They gestured for me to join them. I made my way towards them and I could feel the eyes of the well-dressed ladies from the other divisions on me. I'm used to the attention. I stride confidently across the room and I know by the time this bash had ended, I would have had a go at two or three ladies willing to spend a night of debauchery with me and I would have new numbers to add to my cell phone.

But then I saw Charles, standing awkwardly by himself close to the caterer's table and he was drinking punch. He was bopping his head slowly to the music being played by the hired band, one hand in his pants pocket. He saw me and he gave me a sweet smile; then he averted his gaze and pretended to look about so no one would notice that we briefly locked gazes. I thought he looked so handsome, wearing that black and white stylish number and he had his hair cut and parted to the side. He wore his glasses too. He looked extremely ravishing to me that I wanted to take him to some empty room in the building and do indecent things to him while the fireworks exploded in the air. Even the thought of getting ladies and their numbers was struck completely out of my mind. Charles had no idea that no matter how nerdy and awkward he was, he could take complete control over me. I can't believe that I desired him more than all these women that openly flirted and eyed me sexually on the floor. He made my heart skip and made me giddy just with a look. Obviously I couldn't go to him and hang out with him. That would be absurd. I went straight to Janos and Victor instead and we drank a few rounds, laughing and enjoying each other's company, toasting and shooting up some shots. Then we leaned back and looked out at the crowd, criticizing the appearance of some of the people on the floor. Some of them looked outright pathetic in their attempts to appear stylish or presentable.

"Look at that sad sack of shit, Bobby Drake from Sales! Can you believe he's actually dating that hot girl from HR? Whatshername? Ah, Kitty!"Janos said insolently as we all snickered at how exhausted-looking Bobby was, that even his suit looked tired. He's a Supervisor from Sales and like I said, that's one division in the company people hate to be in.

"Check out that idiot, Armando! What the hell do you call that outfit? Do I smell Studio 54 anyone? Shit! Talk about retro!"I said sarcastically and the boys guffawed laughter at what I said. Armando was wearing a very shiny and very purple suit with silvery glitter on the black lapels. His suit was just hideous.

Then Victor pointed out to Charles, swaying in place in a restrained manner, as if he didn't want people to notice him enjoying the music. He appeared to be looking longingly at the dancers that danced in front of the band."Ooohh Xavier wants to dance! Who the hell let that fucking queer loose in here anyway? Look at him! He looks so stupid no one even wants to hang around with him!"

I felt a dull fury in the pit of my stomach at what Victor had said and had to pretend to laugh even though I did not find his attack on Charles remotely funny. Janos was cackling laughter at Victor's jab at Charles too that I felt like punching him in the face. Still, I had to _pretend_ that I found it all amusing.

"Let's face it. He's a good looking kid but he has this vibe that prevents people from even taking interest in him. I think it's called a wallflower effect. I've seen it in my old high school. If a person is too quiet or too reserved, they tend to fade from everyone else's thoughts or even to draw anyone's attention-"

"Yeah unless they're fags!"Victor sneered and we all laughed wildly at that. Then Victor shoved at Janos' shoulder and gave him a smug smile.

"Wait! Did I hear you right? You think Xavier is pretty? What? You wanna go over there and smooch him? Be his boyfriend?"Victor goaded him insultingly.

Janos' face fell and he shoved at Victor roughly."Fuck you, Vic! I was making an observation, ok? I'm not into that shit!"

"Ow! Ok man! Fine! I was only jibing you!"Victor cowered and tittered at the same time that we all dissolved into rough, trollish laughter.

Janos then changed the topic so it would shift away from him and he looked over at the two gorgeous ladies that had been dancing suggestively close to the bar, who kept eyeing me and smiling seductively. Janos gestured with his head towards them and then he looked over to me.

"Yessir, looks like you got the pick of the crop! Those girls look like they're game, Erik! I take it you have your condoms ready?"

I chuckled softly and looked over at the women, giving them a sultry smile and then I looked back at Janos."Well if you think they're game, why don't you go play?"I teased him.

Janos shook his head sadly at that, grinning right back at me."Erik, m'man! You know I live my indiscretions vicariously through you! My ring finger will give me away even if I take it off-"

"Sucks being tied, doesn't it?"I said throatily, holding a smug, self-satisfied smile this time. Both Victor and Janos chuckled weakly at that. They both knew they couldn't go around sleeping with just about anyone at work. They may pretend to be the bad boys at the office but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, they wouldn't dare to be caught in any infidelities. The upstanding, well-bred families they belonged to wouldn't have wanted a scandal and their suburban community church that they are members of would have none of that. If they ever did have any sexual peccadilloes on the side, it would not have been at the office where they would be seen. Victor reached out and slapped at my arm in encouragement.

"Well go on! Go get them snatches!"

I laughed at that and gave them both a meaningful look and carried my drink, going over to the ladies and introducing myself. Later, I was dancing with the two sex kittens and had gotten their numbers. They both wanted to meet up later in the night for some naughty fun at a hotel. One of them, the dark haired, Eurasian beauty said she could book it for the three of us. I had agreed to the meeting and I felt a a pang of guilt go through me, thinking about Charles. I looked over at the spot where he was standing earlier but he wasn't there anymore. I tried to look around for him but I couldn't find him. Anyway, he knew about my player status. It's not like I'm tied to him, right? It's not like I've committed to some form of monogamy with him. We had talked about this and he understood that I still had to keep doing whatever I had been doing before we became lovers. I've resigned myself to the truth that yes, he is my lover but I refuse to accept it as a homosexual relationship. He's...a special case. With him, it's different. I looked back at the bar and I noticed that Janos and Victor were not there. They must've gone to the caterer's table to eat or perhaps they went over to our other colleagues in the department. I mingled some more with my other friends instead because the two beauties I will be banging later met up with their own friends for a while when I refused to leave early. I also got called over to my Dad's table and was introduced once more to the other Company executives who would actually be working under me in a few years. I did my best to entertain them with pleasantries and discuss the state of the company at the same time. I had to show them that I have the potential to take over for my father. When I was done with the mingling, I went back to the bar and I saw Janos and Victor had also returned. Both of them were laughing uproariously over something and when I got to them, they both looked complacently wicked, smiling at me secretively. I quirked an eyebrow at them.

"Don't keep me in suspense! What's so funny?"

Janos elbowed Victor, indicating he spit out a response and Victor started snorting laughter, passing a hand over his mouth at the amusing secret they were keeping from me. When Victor got himself under control he lifted a glass of tequila up and chugged it down, belched and responded with smug cheeriness.

"We got queerboy for you, Erik! We locked him up in the printer room on our floor, naked! We put a bag over his head and shoved him in there! We had one of the department gals going over to him, telling him you sent orders to print up the last report he did for rewrites and the sucker took the bait! Ha! Ha! Ha!"Victor Bellowed laughter at their supposedly funny prank. Inwardly, I went numb.

"Yeah, we told him its compliments from you and if he tells anyone we will beat him up for you! He's gonna be stuck in there till Monday because the cleaners won't be around during the weekends! He'll be shitting and pissing in that little room and come out of there humiliated!"Janos said and giggled, tears streaming down his face at how amusing it was.

I felt the blood rushing to my ears and I felt my heart sink down to my stomach at what they had done. I tried to get myself under control first because I did not want to let on that what they did to Charles actually sickened me. I started to chuckle and shake my head, giving them both my most pleased and evil smirk.

"That was pure genius, guys! Well done! Man, I should have thought of that sooner! Did you throw his clothes somewhere where he can't find them?"

"Uh-huh! We threw it down the garbage chute on our floor-"Victor added and both he and Janos started laughing again, almost busting their sides at their own brilliant prank. We all high-fived and I congratulated them on a job well done. What I really wanted to do was break their faces in for what they had done but they are my idiotic best mates in the office and if I did that they would immediately come to the conclusion that I care about Charles and a lot of uncomfortable questions would be asked. It made me wonder, how could I have such a couple of pathetic creeps for friends? Inwardly, I was disgusted by their stupid caper but I pretended that I was enthused and extremely pleased. I lingered with them at the bar, having them describe to me in thorough detail how they went about it and then one of the girls I had arranged to have a threesome tryst with came over. She rubbed my shoulder in a sensual manner and whispered in my ear that she and her friend are ready. I put my arm around her waist and smiled.

"Well go get your coats then. I'll drive us there-"I said huskily. The girl giggled and left to fetch her friend.

"Seems this wraps up my night, boys! 'Cause your man is out for some threesome fun!"I crooned, winking at them and both Victor and Janos howled laughter at that and made mock baying noises, slapping at my shoulders encouragingly. From previous New Year's events by the company, I usually never even stay for the countdown. I usually spend it with my own bedroom fireworks fucking some girl, whose name I eventually forget and erase from my phone.

"Yeah, boy!"Victor hooted after me.

I met the girls at the elevator once I got my own coat and as we got to the lower floor, I suddenly told them that I need to buy a special set of condoms I prefer using and that I was going to buy us a bottle of expensive champagne. I asked them if they could go to the hotel by cab for now and that they could send me a message on the details of the room they will book for us. The girls readily agreed and they pecked kisses at my cheeks and sauntered off. When I was sure they were gone, I headed to our department's floor using another elevator and I hurried to get to the printing and photocopy room. The entire place was dark and deserted. I felt the reverberation of the sound system from above the function room even from here. I could hear Charles crying in that small room and my heart seized up at the thought that if I left with those girls earlier and if Janos and Victor had not informed me of the prank at the right time, Charles would have been stuck in this room for days. What they did was so cruel. I swiped my ID at the door, since the door could only be opened by a proximity card and I pushed it open slowly. Charles was sitting on the floor, his legs folded close to his chest and his arms wrapped about his shins, completely naked and not even wearing any underwear. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he looked wary and frightened as I approached, chest heaving and choked over with his sobs. My chest was hurting and my throat felt so tight all of the sudden at the sight of him.

"Charles-"I said quietly.

Charles wept again and shrank away from me, huddling into the corner where he was hiding, his face wet and he was blushing in his shame. He looked up at me with those wounded eyes.

"Why did you have them do this to me, Erik? Do you hate me this much?"Charles asked in a shaking and hurt voice.

I went to him slowly and I reached for his hand. He flinched slightly."Please believe me, Charles. I didn't know Janos and Victor would do this. If they hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known. I'm so sorry they did this to you-"

"I...I don't know if I could believe that, Erik!"Charles stuttered out, his voice still shaking because he couldn't stop crying. I brought my coat up and wrapped it around him.

"Come on, come up from there. I'll take you away from here-"

Charles tried to pull away from me, still unable to accept the truth that I was not privy to this cruel prank. I drew him to me by force and hugged him tightly, my face crumpling up. Couldn't he feel my heart breaking for him? Couldn't he see that it hurt me that this was done to him? I could not understand where this affection for Charles, this immense concern was coming from that he could even make me break free from my own mold and drop the pretense of being myself. If it was my old self, I would have enjoyed the prank but to see it being done to him, it just filled me with these wretched feelings that I would have deemed gay before. Oh, fuck it! I don't care anymore!

"Charles, I care about you. Believe me, I would never have thought to do this to you. Please come with me-"I soothed him.

Charles finally relented and allowed himself to be helped up. I assisted him in putting on the coat, it was too big for his stature but at least it covered him up. I even rolled the sleeves up for him and then I brought him out of the printer room. I knew I couldn't go to the locker room with him to get his other clothes. Someone might see us and accidentally inform Janos or Victor I was still in the office or worse, we might actually bump into those moronic goons. If I left him somewhere while I retrieved his clothing, there is still the possibility I would be seen so I decided to take Charles straight to my car. I saw no one from the office around the parking lot because they were all still probably partying upstairs, awaiting the fireworks display and then I remembered they threw Charles's tuxedo in the garbage chute. The chutes were numbered so I knew which dumpster his clothes had fallen into. I had to climb in that large metal garbage receptacle just so I could retrieve his clothing and his shoes. Then I ran back to my car and got in, handing Charles's clothes back to him.

"Here, I got your clothes back-"

"Thank you, Erik-"Charles said gratefully, still sniffling and wiping at his eyes. I didn't want to go touching him in the car just yet. I can comfort him later. I asked Charles if it would be ok for him to duck down first so no one would see him with me. Charles understood and hunkered down onto the floor of the car on his side of the seat. I drove out of there as fast as I can and once we were on the road, Charles sat up straight, looking pale and husked out but he remained silent and so did I. I wanted us to discuss what had happened so I took him to my apartment instead. Those two women I had arranged to meet with are probably wondering where I am but I don't care about what they would think of me even if I stood them up. When we got to my driveway, I sent one of the girls a message that something important came up and I shut my phone off. I had to take care of Charles first. I led Charles into my apartment. He looked odd wearing my tan coat and his nice new shoes. My coat seemed to engulf him that he looked like a little lost boy. I would have thought he looked cute like this if it wasn't for the seriousness of what had happened.

"Give me your clothes; we have to wash them up first. They're filthy-"

Charles handed them over and then I left him on my couch so I could put his clothes in the washing machine and then the dryer. Afterwards, I put his clothes on some coat hangers to dry and then I went to Charles and sat with him on the couch. We didn't talk for a while. This awkward silence fell between us, which followed us from the car. I finally decided to start and bring up the topic at hand.

"Charles, I can't apologize enough for what had happened-"

Charles nodded slowly. He had taken his shoes off and he was slouched forward in the couch, his hands clasped in front of him and his arms are resting on his knees.

"I understand, Erik-"

I tentatively reached out and smoothed the hair away from his forehead and he was startled by my tenderness."You must have been so scared-"

He spoke in a reserved way, still shaken by the cruelty."I was! I thought I was going to be stuck in there for days and people will come in from work seeing me like that-"

"God, those fucking jerks! I wanted to punch their faces in for what they did to you!"

"But you couldn't, right Erik? Because they are your friends-"Charles said sadly.

I grew quiet at that and then I sighed."I'm sorry. Do you want me to keep apologizing? I'll keep saying it if that's what it takes to make it better-"

Charles finally lifted his head an reached for my hand, holding it gently in his own."No! I'm sorry! I think I'm not coming across clearly. I understand why you can't and I'm not accusing you. It's just the sad fact that they did this to me and you're stuck in this position-"

I snorted."Don't think about me, Charles. Think about yourself! I'm going to have to do something so they don't do this to you again! I won't stand for it! I have to get back at them somehow!"

Charles's eyes widened and he grasped my hand in both of his hands tightly this time."No, Erik! No! Forget about it! Let's just not talk about it anymore! I'm just glad you came for me and rescued me-"

I smiled at him affectionately then. I let out a breath and reached for the back of his neck, drew him close to me and hugged him. How can he not think about revenge on those two morons? In this day and age, that type of naivety about kindness and righteous behavior does not work for an individual. You have to be hard, you have to fight back and retaliate otherwise, you're just fresh meat for the other dogs. Charles is just too tender-hearted sometimes. Maybe that's one other thing I like about him too; this innocence and belief in the goodness of other people. We just sat there in my couch, embracing as the clock drew closer to twelve. He suddenly pulled away from me when he realized something.

"Oh Erik! You're missing your New Year's party! Weren't you meeting a woman to, um, to celebrate with?"He said hesitantly. This was always the uncomfortable topic between us. Mostly he was uncomfortable with it but inside, I was uneasy and somewhat guilty about what I was doing. Only _he_ can make me feel like this. We never directly discussed the fact that I play around, that I'm not the monogamous type. I never felt guilty before if I was seeing eight or so women at the same time...until I met him. And to actually tie myself to a man...he would be asking the impossible of me! That would be ridiculous! But that was the thing, wasn't it? He never asked. He never told me I should stop seeing other people. He'd allowed himself to be trampled on, to be treated as my lover on the side, knowing that I sleep with other women, that I see other people for the sex and my player status. He didn't look like the type that would sleep around either. He looked like the kind of guy who would only be in one relationship and if possible, be that someone's mate for life; he was the kind of man who believed in fidelity and true love. I was the first sexual encounter he had ever had and I know, he never would go sleeping around any time soon. His heart and his body belonged only to me. Doing these things I have been doing to him and his quiet acceptance of it, it really hurt something deep inside of me. That was the center of my guilt. He made me feel this regret that I never felt over anyone before. I regretted that I forced myself on him and that he accepted my advances so easily because he had feelings for me. I can't take it back anymore. And besides, I wanted him to be mine. I desired him and longed for him deep down because I could not even stop thinking about him.

What was it about him exactly? What was so special about him that made me behave so differently when it comes to him? It wasn't just because of the kind and tender look in his eyes, or his endearing face and sweet smile. It wasn't because he was this beauty that people can't seem to appreciate because he was such an awkward nerd and a persistent worker...it was his honesty and openness. Everyone else around me could be fake and everyone could pretend to be someone they are not but he showed me who he was inside. He showed me his lust; he showed me his kindness and understanding even when I don't deserve it. He showed me that even across the span of years a kind act could endure and reach out to someone. I wanted to tell him these things, to comfort him and let him know that even if I do all these cruel things to him, I go back to him anyway. That I want to see him before me, all the time; that I could drop all these other people for him. But I didn't say these words. I took his hand in mine instead and kissed it.

"Don't you worry about any of that, Charles. There are plenty of them out there, waiting for me but what matters now is I have to make it up to you-"

His blue eyes grew wide and he tipped his head to the side, looking at me tenderly. Damn it! His expression again! He's like this...this cute little pet that you find so adorable but at the same time you find so sexy you just wanna rape it! I don't know what the hell I'm saying! I just can't stop when it comes to him that I'm beginning to have these weird analogies! I reached out and touched his cheek.

"Well what do you want me to do to make it up to you? I know! I know! I shouldn't but I want to anyway! So tell me! Anything you want, I'm yours tonight, Charles-"

Charles blushed hotly and looked down; his downcast lashes could not hide the truth of what he really wanted. The desire for me was there, that wanton lust that he reserved only for me. If anyone knew how he's really like in bed, they would understand why he's so desirable to me! Charles bit his lower lip and tried to lift his eyes to mine. His eyes seemed to shine darkly with his intent, even though he was so flustered about it."Um, I want...that is...I...I want to-"

I ran a warm finger over his exposed thigh that was showing through the gap of the coat and he started in shock at the touch. I leaned in close and I caressed his neck in slow circles, gently massaging him with my heated fingers and he trembled and gasped softly at my touch.

"You want?"I asked throatily and then I kissed his lips seductively, my tongue diving in first and touching his burning tongue. He moaned into my mouth and kissed me back indecently, his red mouth latching on and sucking and biting at my lips like he couldn't stand not doing it. He suddenly pulled back, feeling embarrassed and putting a hand to his mouth then he looked up at me blushing; this yearning desire in him so evident, so exposed.

"I want to make love, Erik-"Charles said in a whisper and looked away, his shoulders slightly trembling. He doesn't realize how cute he looked to me right now, just saying those words like that in an innocently lewd manner. I leaned in and I kissed his forehead, then I grazed a kiss at his cheek. I lick his earlobe and he shivered in arousal at it.

"How do you want it?"I whispered huskily into his ear. Charles couldn't stand it anymore and flung his arms about me. Moaning against me, kissing and licking at my cheeks and throat, his hands grasping tight at my back.

"Just love me, Erik! Just love me! I need you!"He cried out in a shaking voice full of feeling. I let out a charged breath and hugged him back, turning my head to the side so I can kiss him back hungrily. This passion in him, this frantic craving desire...I want it all for myself. We fought against each other in some rough foreplay as I struggled to undo the coat from him and he was carelessly trying to unbuckle my pants while we kissed passionately. His fingers were shaking so bad as he broke our torrid kissing to unbutton my suit, undo my waistcoat and work on the buttons of my shirt next. He was gasping desperately as I kissed him around his face and let him undress me. When he couldn't stand it anymore he let out a complaining moan, grabbed my shoulders and lay back on the couch, pushing the hem of the coat he wore aside so he could position himself beneath me. We were so desperate to get at each other we didn't even bother to take our clothes off. I had my lubricated condoms in my pocket so I used one. I tore the packet, slipped on the condom and I entered him roughly this time, going in hard and he let out this strangled, trembling yell; shakily groaning when I got myself all the way in him. Then I was thrusting into him, my hips doing some wild frenetic, bucking so instantaneously, it was almost like rape. We moaned over each other's faces, eyes locked in this sexual frenzy for each other.

He folded his wide-open legs, feet in the air as we fucked frantically. I bent down and licked at his lower lip and kissed and sucked at his mouth. His moans took on a juddering quality as I thrusted into him faster, holding his knees tightly so I can really ram it in deep. That indecent moaning from him again; the crazed look of lust in his eyes. His tight and hot little hole that gave me so much pleasure; he could almost rival a porn star with his obscene sexuality and I want it! I want it all! I felt this raging need to release into him as we raced for an orgasm. So hot! He was so hot it was like both of us are going to burn up with it! My hips quickened, the rhythm pulsing in time to my rapidly beating heart and the blood rushing in my veins. I was coming and I was losing all control and when I reached the white-light edge of my climax, I felt him come beneath me too. He had his hand underneath the coat, tugging at his own cock frantically and the wetness of his come spread upon the front of the coat. His other hand was pressed up to my exposed chest and he was gasping breathlessly. His wet hair clinging to his forehead, both of us sweaty and hot and amazingly sated. Charles's head fell back onto the couch and he sighed out contentedly. I pulled back from his delicious tightness, took the condom off my cock, tied the end and just let it fall to the carpet carelessly. I was sitting slouched up against the couch while he kept lying down, both of us still trying to recover.

After several moments passed and we silently sat there, probably shell-shocked by the orgasms that reverberated through us, Charles started to unbuckle the belt of the coat, demurely unbuttoning it, but there was nothing demure in his next actions when he parted his coat to reveal his nakedness to me, propping himself up on one elbow, his eyes full of his dark lust and darkening still. His belly was shining wetly with his come and he showed me his hard-on. He touched himself, licking at his lower lip seductively, smiling at me in a come-hither way and then he sat up, crawled towards me and he reached for my fly to release my own hardening cock from my pants and then he took me in his mouth and sucked strongly and passionately.

"Oh fuck!"I cried out in a quaking voice. We shied away from doing that before because he knew of my hesitation when it comes to doing something so overtly homosexual. I associated cock-sucking strongly to dirty, gay bar fags going down on men but he wasn't afraid to please me this time. He wasn't really an expert at giving head but his enthusiasm, his appetite for it was no less appreciated by my pulsing cock. My hips bucked up in earnest as he sucked, licked and kissed my cock into ecstasy and I leaned back my head, getting so lost in it. I held his head down on my lap as I thrusted up to meet his lips and I quickened for more. His mouth, goddammit! It felt so good! He made gagging sounds as he moaned around my cock but he took me all in. And when I came into his mouth, he sucked and swallowed my come, licking my quivering, sensitive penis all around as if he did not want to waste one drop. He made these indecent slurping sounds and then he sat back up to look at me, his eyes heavy-lidded and pleased at the sight of my pleasure, his precious mouth puffed up and very red, glistening wetly.

"I'm sorry. You said you didn't want me doing that to you but I just couldn't help it-"Charles said softly, a naughty smile still on his lips."Did you like it?"

In response, I grabbed him roughly and kissed his lips hungrily. I could taste my own come in his mouth but I didn't give a damn. We were way past feeling any disgust when it comes to sex. I've had fantasies about him, coming on to me wearing nothing but a gabardine coat and then he would be taking it off to show me his body, offering it up for my sexual pleasure and I can't get the image of him earlier out of my head now, when he took off my coat in an erotic display just moments ago. I fucked him again on the couch, bareback since he seems to prefer that but I was careful this time, not wanting to hurt him since there was no lubrication. I undulated into him with aching slowness. He whimpered into my shoulder, his eyes shut tight and probably in pain but he endured me and let me take him this way. He was trembling in my arms, still half-wearing my coat and looking so damn enticing as he moaned and writhed against me, his sweetly-furrowed brow sweaty; his expression intense as he allowed me to go on. We could hear the fireworks exploding somewhere distant now and I was so lost in my lust for him that I could care less if the entire planet exploded. We made love some more in my bed and I hugged him possessively in my arms after, not wanting him out of my sight for a single moment. He nuzzled his face gently against my throat, giving me these sweet little kisses. I kissed his brow in return as I held him. This wanting in me for him, this desire just won't seem to end! I want these moments with him to last longer, I want to keep it to myself and hold it in my hand like something so dear to me. I made a decision then. I had to stop these mean things I do to him at the office. I want my cruelty to end. When we get back to work, I'm going to do something for him that will make up for what happened earlier.

"What the hell is all that crashing about?" Emma complained as she stepped out of her office to look out at Janos and Victor, who are now vacating their offices to move on to their new department...in Sales in and Customer Service. I stood at my doorway as well as I watched my two mates cursing quietly and glaring about at everyone else. They looked over at me furiously when they saw me but I could only lift my hands up in a helpless gesture, giving them a regretful shake of my head. Meanwhile, Bobby and Armando awaited their departure so they could take the offices that my mates are emptying out. It took a few weeks but I arranged it with my Dad. I had looked closely at Janos' and Victor's work background and their files. I pointed out to my father that with Bobby Drake's Sales Analysis training, he could help expedite the processing of the Sales portion of the reports in our department and with Armando's background in Portfolio presentation, we would be more organized. I also informed him that Victor and Janos have strong potential in Sales because both of them had a Sales background before joining the company and that it would help bolster our Sales department. I advised him he should give them a Managerial Project in analyzing the Attrition rate and investigate a means to improve it, since with their knowledge in Information Analysis; they could research on the matter and find a resolution to the dilemma. My Dad had wondered why I would suggest such a thing, since he knew Victor and Janos are my friends but I told him the future of the company was more important to me and if I could help find a means for us to develop and plan each division better, we would remain at the top of our game. My Dad was actually pleased that I had thought about this since it was a reasonable idea for organization in task management and it would also give Bobby and Armando the opportunity to be promoted, along with Janos and Victor to prevent stagnation. He commended me on the brilliance of my plan and he had told me that this definitely proves my potential to handle the company once he hands it over to me. Little did he know that I did it...for revenge.

I asked my Dad to do me one tiny favor and lie for me; that he should inform Janos and Victor that it was his decision with the Company Executives, not my suggestion so that they would not harbor any bad feelings towards me for coming up with the idea. When they both got their emails from our Executive Chief and they were informed that they were 'Promoted' as the new Managers of Sales and Customer Service Attrition Analysis, they had both begged me to bring this up to my Dad and prevent the transfer, knowing that I had the power to do so. I pretended to be concerned and I made a show of taking this up to my Dad but then when I went back to them, I informed them the decision was final and that it was to help prevent stagnation. They still got mad at me, of course but they had no idea that I had planned everything.

"Fuck this! I got out of Sales and now I'm being shunted back to it like shit down a pipe!"Victor cursed loudly for all to hear while Janos was raging quietly, his jaw set angrily.

I stood my ground and frowned at them."You both know I can't do anything about it! Besides, it was a promotion! You should be happy you are being given a Managerial position!"

Victor wanted to drop the box he was carrying as he shouted out at me."Well if you think its so great why don't you take the same position then, huh? So all three of us will be together at least!"

I shrugged."Sorry, I don't have a background in Sales. My forte is in Project Development and Research-"

"Ah, screw this shit!"Victor loudly complained. A Building Maintenance personnel was sent to collect all of their other belongings to move it to their new offices. When they were gone and the entire hubbub had died, everyone got back to work as usual and I headed back into my office and I closed the door. Charles had remained in his seat, still typing on the keyboard and his eyes are on his screen but he heard everything that had happened. Since the door was closed, Charles lifted his head up to look at me directly when I stopped at his table and I smiled at him openly.

"You planned it, didn't you?"Charles said in a soft voice. He stared up at me, strangely awed because he knew I did it for him. In response I went to the side of the table, pretending to look at what he was doing while I put a hand to his shoulder, smoothing my palm around his back and then my hand went to the back of his neck. I ran my fingers gently through the hairs at the back of his head. He was probably in shock that I am openly being affectionate towards him in the office this time, with no fear or concern that Victor or Janos would burst in. I didn't have to leave my door open anymore to make people see that I abhorred working in close quarters with someone gay.

"They deserved it-"I said huskily, then I kissed his temple. He sighed at the kiss and looked up at me gently. I could see that there was something more to his gaze this time, something so eloquent and full of feeling. It was the gaze of someone so deeply in love, even though I would never admit that I love him back too. I left him so I could go back to my office and work on my own reports while Charles finished the documents and templates we needed for the next Portfolio. I was smiling as I worked and I felt this lightness in me, now that there was no fear of being seen by my mates. And my suggestion did bear fruit. The Information Analysis and Project Review Department worked more efficiently this time. There was less bustle and rush for the deadline because Bobby made sure all the Sales Reports are in before the Portfolio is set up and Armando inspected the Portfolios in every minute detail before it was sent for presentation. There were less mistakes and more time to take on the next project. My Dad was quite proud of me, even though I asked not to be commended on the idea. The mood in the office was lighter and there were no more hostilities. The other plus for me...is that I could do anything I want to Charles in my office and get naughty if I want to, since Victor and Janos aren't barging in every minute to ask if I want to go on a cigarette break or go to lunch or even just to dawdle and goof around. Charles did his best to ignore my advances because he wanted to do his job but I would steal kisses from him in my office, caress and touch him in secret that it would leave him so hot and bothered, quaking in his seat for more.

I'm changing even more each day when I'm with him. I'd actually put a halt to seeing women for now. I just want to be with Charles even after work. I'd head out to his crumbling little mansion and we would either have wild sex there or make out. Sometimes we don't even have to have sex. He'd encourage me to read books with him or cook some food together; sometimes we just talked and shared stories about ourselves or take a walk around his neighborhood. We watched a lot of movies together too, mostly they were tragic or sad and I'd see him actually crying or sniffling afterwards and then I would comfort him. Just being with him made me feel so at ease and at peace with my secret self. This domestic and peaceful setting between us...I really liked it. It's ridiculous, right? Coming from someone who's been living like the world is my oyster and everything else revolves around me, It's just impossibly preposterous! I've lived a life of parties and heavy drinking. I'd played countless women, done cruel pranks with my mates if we feel like bullying someone, especially if that someone was a gay-assed homo faggot. I don't know if I'd grown tired of that scene or something but I have not completely dropped it. This is who I am, to the outside world. Charles accepted that about me. Inside our little island of two, things are just warm, passionate and real that it made the world a little kinder and better. But where exactly are we heading with this? That was the question that had been preying on my mind every time I am left to my thoughts alone. Does this mean that I actually want to be in a deeper relationship with him? Do I dare think that I could drop all this pretense of hating him when I'm actually falling in love with him? _I admit it now, ok? I'm in love with him...but I can't bring myself to say it out loud to him because I thought it was so gay._ I wonder about my own behavior towards other gay men and my homophobia nowadays. I realize that It was still there but now, I have my reservations.

People at the office noticed it too. They told me I appeared to have mellowed out, now that Victor and Janos were not around. I still hold to my homophobic disdain but it was not as open or as extreme as before. Armando was actually one of the people I consider gay but I treated him with reserved professionalism and I showed everyone I did the same for Charles too by not shouting at him every ten seconds. People began to assume a lot of things about this change in me. Some say it had something to do with my Dad, because everyone knew he's going to bequeath the company to me and that I should show everyone that I was capable and deserving of the position, so I was grooming myself and improving my image. Some thought it had something to do with my being parted from my best mates. My player status still floated around though and the women in my department knew better than to get involved with me. I had slept with some of them before but it was just a few one night stands and some naughty play. I'd actually slept with Emma once. She was really good in bed and she knew a lot of sexual kinks and tricks that became quite memorable to me but she knew who I was so she treated it as a release of sexual tension from the office, nothing more. I felt the same and we never discussed it again. Her assistant Raven though, although forewarned, had been showing interest in me. I've flirted with her on occasion but Emma warned me not to get her in bed.

"That one will pour a bag of cats over your head, I tell you-"Emma told me when I mentioned that her assistant looked mightily voluptuous and looked like a potentially good lay. So I kept my distance. But lately she had been trying to catch my eye, even going into the office to bring me food and flirt with me. I didn't really think much of it or if it would affect Charles in some way since he did not say anything. She was the one that came on to me when our department had another Company Sponsored get-together. This time it was a private Videoke lounge which was becoming the rage these days for corporate individuals to get the stress out of their systems and to relax. The men weren't into it much so a lot of them bowed out. There were only twelve of us that attended and Charles was also there. I did have a good time at first because we were all getting into it and the girls were all excited to sing Britney Spears songs or Spice Girls songs it had me doubled over with laughter. We had a mini-contest to sing 80's songs and 90's songs that were so obscure we couldn't even get the tone right but everyone was joining in just for fun. Raven was sitting next to me and she kept rubbing her leg against mine and pressing her body close to my side. Charles quietly drank in one of the corner tables and politely averted his eyes. I tell you, it really made me uneasy having him see me being chased by a woman like this. I don't like making him suffer. But I acted cool and I didn't let on that I didn't want this. I smiled and I even wrapped an arm around Raven while I drank beer.

"Charles why don't you sing something? Everyone else had already had a turn-"Bobby said as he offered the microphone over to Charles. I thought Charles would bow out and not even join in but Charles solemnly took the mike, flipped through the booklet of songs to look for a specific song he wanted to sing. When he found the song he wanted, he got up from his seat and like everyone else that sang before him then he stood on the mini-stage that was set up so that he could be the center of attention after Bobby entered his song into the player. The others clapped and hooted in encouragement because Charles never really participated before. He was always in the corner just quietly drinking and watching everyone else whenever we went to these get-togethers. Charles was not even looking at the screen when his number began. He was looking straight at me, or more like at the group who sat around me as he began to sing. He was singing this 90's song called 'Only You' by a group called Yazoo and he knew it by heart. Still, his eyes were really on me when he sang it and it made my heart ache listening to him. The tune was simple but the lyrics...and his voice conveyed the emotion he wanted to deliver and I was struck so hard by it. My heart was beating fast as I listened on. He didn't have a great singing voice but the soulfulness of it, the sweet imploring coming from him really got to me.

Looking from a window above  
It's like a story of love, can you hear me?  
Came back only yesterday  
I'm moving farther away, want you near me

All I needed was the love you gave  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew, only you

Sometimes when I think of your name  
When it's only a game and I need you  
Listen to the words that you say  
It's getting harder to stay when I see you

All I needed was the love you gave  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew, only you

All I needed was the love you gave  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew, only you

This is going to take a long time  
And I wonder what's mine, can't take no more  
Wonder if you'll understand  
It's just the touch of your hand behind a closed door

All I needed was the love you gave  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew, only you*

When he was done, everyone was stunned silent for a moment that no one even clapped or responded. When the shock had passed from all of us, the lot of us clapped and hooted for him but I didn't. _I couldn't._ I suddenly found that my throat was dry and tight but I calmly stood up and told everyone I needed to go to the Men's room. I wanted...what I really wanted was to go over to Charles and hold him in my arms and tell him it was _Only him_ for me too. But I went straight out the door and I did not even glance his way. I left them still congratulating Charles for singing like that and then I went to the lavatories and washed my face. My hands shook slightly. When I had composed myself, I began to make my way back down the narrow passageway to our room but Raven was waiting for me out the door.

"Erik, it's getting late. Do you wanna ditch this place?"Raven purred at me and sidled herself up to me. I smiled at her wanly.

"Ditch it for what?"

Raven playfully ran her fingers through the lapels of my suit, looking up at me seductively."Oh you know, to do stuff...with me! I've heard a lot about you-"

"Really now? What have you heard?"

Raven giggled and now she was pressing herself up against me salaciously, rubbing her lower body upon my clothed cock. I hoped she did not notice that I wasn't even hardened by her coming on to me like this. Having Charles close by really put a damper on any sexual mood I would have had. It made me feel as if I was cheating on him, which was bullshit really since we had an _arrangement_. She swooped in, kissing me sloppily. It was awful timing that Charles suddenly opened the door and saw us kissing that we had to stop. Charles became pale and his eyes looked quietly anguished but he didn't say anything for a moment. Then he looked away and apologized for intruding on us and headed down the passageway to go to the Men's room himself. Raven ignored him and did not think much on his reaction and tried to kiss me again. I felt so sick and hollow inside but I pretended that I'm still cool, I'm still myself. Being overly concerned for his feelings was just TOO GAY. I winced at my messed-up thoughts then I held Raven's arms and pushed her away from me.

"Raven, are you sure you know what you're getting into? I think I told you Emma had put a restraining order on my willy not to go worming around where it's not allowed-"

"Oh forget her! I want us to have sex-"Raven rasped out and hooked her arms about me. I swear to God, I was not even remotely turned on by any of her advances. My mind was on Charles. I smiled at Raven faintly and caressed her hip.

"Well if you are sure-"

Raven squealed annoyingly into my ear and started kissing my throat but I undid her hands from me again and I told her I had to go and buy some protection first and that she can go freshen up in the Ladies' room while I say goodbye to our other colleagues. I had her wait outside first after I said my farewells to the people in our room and then I told her I will meet her at my car in the parking lot. Raven agreed and got her bag and headed off in the other direction for the Ladies' room next. While she did that, I rushed over to Charles who had stayed in the Men's room and although I did not see him around, I heard him sniffling and crying quietly in one of the cubicles.

"Charles-"I called out to him.

Charles immediately stopped his crying and opened the door of his cubicle slowly. He had hastily tried to wipe his eyes but I could still see the tears in them and his eyes shone wetly. My heart felt that familiar painful ache again. I couldn't stand any of this anymore! I grabbed his wrist and I led him out of the Men's room and took him to the parking lot and into my car.

"Erik? What are you doing? I have to go back! I left my-"

I shut him up with a quick kiss and then I pulled back."I didn't mean for you to see what happened back there. I don't want her, Charles. I want you-"

He was stunned and he was blushing furiously again. He looked so cute when he blushes like this and his wide blue eyes look up at me tenderly. I drove out of there in a hurry before Raven or anyone else from our group could see us. I don't know why I did such madness! Ditching a girl obviously so hot for me...for him. It's like I've gone so totally crazy that I don't care what I do or if I behave recklessly. I drove us both back to Charles's place and when we got into his house and into his bedroom, I kissed him gently again, like that first time we kissed and I hugged him to myself. I broke the kiss and spoke softly against his cheek.

"Sing for me again, Charles. Sing that song you sang earlier. I want you to sing it only for me-"

Charles was crying again and his voice was trembling when he complied, singing that song slowly for me as I hug him tightly to myself. Our bodies swayed as if to some song being played aside from his voice and we danced on the balls of our feet in the same place. I just swayed him about gently as I held him while he kept crying and singing. How I wished that I could change everything and I was not myself and I was more than who I am now, so that I could freely love Charles and not hurt him over and over when he did not even deserve it. Is this how it's really like when you love someone? That it's so bittersweet that it hurts? Our situation was just so complicated. I gently nuzzle my face into his shoulder and then he suddenly stopped singing. He touched my cheek and drew me close to kiss me softly. When he pulled back, he smiled at me endearingly and his eyes are full of his love for me.

"I love you, Erik-"He whispered.

The weight of these feelings I felt for him, the gravity of it crushed down at my chest. But I refused to say that I love him too. I could only make him feel it. I undressed him and I lay him on the bed after I took my own clothes off and the lovemaking was just as hot and as passionate as always. I just can't get enough of it. I pistoned my hips deeply, wanting him to feel every inch of me deep inside of him. He clung to me, eyes still wet with tears, reduced to gasping and moaning labor. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he savored my thrusting into his backside. I kissed his sweetly blushing skin everywhere. Licked and sucked the places that had him writhing restlessly and moaning desperately for more. He was gentle but at the same time he was openly full of lust that it flowed like liquid fire onto me and drowned me in all of him, heart, body and soul. When we were done, bodies cooling down and the sheet twisted between our entwined legs, Charles reached for one of my hands and placed it to his chest, close to where his heart is and smiled up at me sweetly. I fell asleep to the sight of his face before mine.

*Lyrics edited to suit the story.


	4. Chapter 4

All was well with us at first. Life was easy when I'm with Charles and things were starting to look rosy. He didn't mind that we have a secret relationship and that no one knows about us. At the office, all they see is that I grudgingly tolerate him and that I treat him with some mild sexual discrimination, which I had been faking to keep up appearances. On my part, I didn't mind that he was the only one I've been exclusively seeing for months, what with the sex being so good and he was giving me all the satisfaction I need. But don't go thinking it's only all about that! He also made me feel content and happy in other aspects too. It's just that I don't want people knowing about it because I know I'll be accused of being gay even though I don't consider this relationship to be like that. Call it denial, if you will but I know I'm a man, even though I've been avoiding women like the plague lately for Charles's sake. Since I had stood Raven up, she had been cold towards me in the office but I didn't give a fuck about hurting her feelings. Charles had told me I should apologize anyway but I sure as hell wouldn't do that! Why should I? She didn't matter in any way to me. Charles and I had a brief argument over her, of all things! It was because he was insistent that I talk to her at least and clear things up. I did it just so I can get him off my back. Well, turns out it was a good idea because now Raven and I have our professional boundaries and she stopped trying to get into my pants. I mean, I like aggressive women but I don't want them to have irritating tendencies; that kind of turns me off.

I liked that Charles wanted me to be a better person but there are times it annoyed the hell out of me that he was so persistent about it. Like when I cussed out a fag for looking at me while we were walking down the street together in his neighborhood one day and he advised me that I should not assume everyone who looks effeminate or looks at me in a strange way is gay. He actually pointed himself out as an example.

"Charles, you're a different case. You're special and what we have here...it's just that! Special! Don't try and make me go and change my stripes in one day!"

"But wouldn't it be better if you let go of all these feelings of hatred and bigotry? You know, just stop the discrimination! It's just going to fill you up with these negative thoughts and wear you down. Don't go pegging everyone else because they can't conform to your idea of what makes a man _a real man_-"

"Well I happen to be an expert on what it's like to be a real man! I've executed it quite thoroughly upon you and on every woman who had put out for me!"

Charles put a hand to his face and shook his head."Erik, you can be such a stubborn asshole sometimes!"

"And don't forget 'Handsome', Charles!"I said complacently. Charles just smiled in a resigned way, dropping the issue because he never was one to force things.

As the days passed though, he still kept pestering me about it, trying to get me into these deep and meaningful conversations about my behavior. Shit! It's like he's acting like a woman trying to force me into changing into an ideal man! In short, being turned into someone's bitch! I can't go around being treated like my ass is whupped! I'm my own man! Sometimes I think I got too carried away by my intense feelings for him. I've allowed all this to happen and for what? For the amazing fuck he gives me? Yes, I know I'm lying to myself if I say that it was only all about the sex. It wasn't. Everything about Charles was wonderful to me, even if he gets on my nerves sometimes. I guess that's what it means when you love someone so much that even when you are angry with them, your feelings don't change. Unless of course, the outside world gets in the way.

What those guys at our Company Gym had said really got to me. I know I'm above that shit but inside of myself, I felt so affected by their conversation; like they were actually talking about me. It was all meaningless locker room talk and they were clearly talking about someone else but as I sat there in the locker room at work, listening to them, it made me cringe inwardly. I had just finished working out earlier and I've now stepped out of the shower room, still wet from my bath. Then those two guys from another department came out of the showers like me and started talking.

"So Abby saw them making out in Jonas's car and then she reported it to Security. When the personnel got there, Jonas was giving Christian a blowjob-"

"Fuck man, that's disgusting!"

"Uh-huh! Then Christian kept telling everyone they were just experimenting. Experimenting my ass! If Abby hadn't seen those two fags French kissing like there was no tomorrow, who knows what other filthy stuff they could have done!"

"Man! I always thought those two were straight!"

"Apparently not! And they did it in the Company parking lot too! Abby spilled the beans and now their Boss sent out an inquiry for indecent office behavior. They probably did some other sex stuff in the office that no one knew about-"

"Gross! Two guys fucking and kissing! I wanna barf just thinking about it!"

"Yeah, a lot of queers coming out of their closet nowadays, huh? So who do you think is the queer one?"

"Both of them I guess! I don't know! If a guy gets it on with another guy they're probably both gay-"

"Ha!Ha!Ha! Yeah!"

The mocking disgust and amusement in their voices as they talked sent a dull flush rising to my cheeks. My ears and the back of my neck felt uncomfortably hot and numb. I stood before my mirror, looking at myself and I realize...I didn't like what I'm seeing all of the sudden. I'm disgusted with myself because I'm in a relationship with another man. I was the one that started it but what they said made me feel like I've fucked myself over. I'm supposed to be a Homophobic man but I've eaten my own words and I've turned into the one thing that I loathed: I've turned gay. I wanted to vomit, thinking about all those times I'd had sex with Charles. And now all I could think of was that it was so dirty and unnatural! It made me so sick to my stomach I almost upchucked onto the floor but I controlled my rising gorge. Their talk...it snapped me right back to reality. I'm not gay. I'm not like THAT. I had to get my old perspective of things back in order. I already showered but I rushed right the hell back into the shower room and scrubbed myself raw. As the shower head rained warm water down on me, I cried to myself bitterly. What the hell have I been doing with Charles all this time? IT WAS ALL SICK! DISGUSTING! SHAMEFUL and ABOMINABLE! I felt this loathing for Charles rise in me and I knew when I encounter him, I'd have to undo all this damage I had allowed to happen to myself.

When I got back into the office and I saw Charles, who greeted me with a warm smile, I felt revulsion run right through me. I've remembered all the times I kissed his lips and it just made me want to go over to him to punch his mouth out and make him bleed. I controlled myself mightily so I wouldn't do it because I was in the office. I did not smile back and I just coldly regarded him as I rushed past his desk to my office. I left the door open this time. Charles did not wonder about my behavior just yet. He remained in his desk and we both worked in silence. He tried to send me an IM asking if I was ok and I told him I just felt ill and closed the IM. I didn't want to talk to him at all but I had no choice. I had to give him orders and ask him to give me the reports I needed. I did not make any effort to hide the flatness in my voice or the cold derision in my eyes when he approached me. Only then did he notice my odd behavior; I can see it on his face but he did not say anything. He kept his distance because we were at work. He must have thought that it was an act, part of our usual ruse here at work so he kept quiet about it.

He left early since he usually leaves at an earlier time before me. I had to stay because I had to finish the remaining reports and take care of the administrative dealings in our department. He sent me text messages asking if we could talk; asking if I was still unwell but I did not respond and I even shut my phone off because I didn't want him calling me. I had hoped that that would have sent the message across that I wanted to avoid him. I was trying to rationalize this sudden loathing I felt for Charles. It wasn't exactly his fault. I was the one that reached out to him two times and he accepted me readily and offered nothing but his love and affection. But I still wanted to blame him for this bizarre relationship. He infected me with his stupid queer feelings! I should beat him up for that and just break off whatever bond we have and forget it ever happened!

I drove to a bar when I left the office and met a woman there while drinking heavily. Her name was Cindy or Sandy or something, I didn't really give a fuck what her name really was. I just wanted to ball a woman and re-affirm my masculinity. For once, I decided to break my long-standing rule of not taking any slut or easy lay to my apartment. I took Cindy (or was it Sandy?) back to my house and we had sex. It didn't even feel pleasurable at all. My body was responding and I was doing the perfunctory kissing, touching and squeezing; pretending to moan and make the appropriate expressions but it felt so...empty. When it had been sex with Charles, it was deeper and more meaningful somehow, even if he was a man. That was why I had desired him so much. Why? Why did all of this have to happen? Why did it have to be him?

What I did to him was really so low. The lowest thing I could have done to him. I felt like a piece of shit after but I pretended it was all trivial. Why should it affect me so much? It's not like we're married! I had feelings for him but that was all just some horrible mistake that should never have happened. If I sleep with any woman I want, that's my prerogative. And if I go on being homophobic, what of it? This is who I was before him. And our relationship, whatever the hell it is, I'm done with it. I refuse, I UTTERLY refuse to accept that we are both gay men in a gay relationship. I'm a man, damn it! A man who has needs that he could not fill. Maybe I'm just Bi or whatever the hell they call it now but I'm dropping all of this shit. He may have mellowed me out and improved me some but I'm still MYSELF. Whatever stupid love-sick thoughts I had of him, whatever we had shared, it meant nothing to me! NOTHING! I was thinking these angry thoughts as I lay in bed with this woman I just met, who was sidled up to me while she slept and to my immense shock, Charles suddenly entered the room and he had a bag of medicine slung on one arm and he had a casserole in his hands. Our usual routine was that I go to his place so no one would see us but I had given him keys to my apartment so he could come and go as he wanted. He had probably attempted to contact me but being unable to reach me, he just came of his own accord out of his concern. He came here now, only thoughtful for my health and had brought me things that would help with my condition since he thought I was sick._ And then he finds me like this._ I felt the blood thudding in my ears and my heart did a downward spiral when I saw the look of hurt on his face, the welcoming smile struck from his expression. Seeing him like this, like the life had suddenly gone out of his eyes, it just broke me free from my old 'self' again.

"Charles-"I began as I rose up from the bed. Charles's face had gone a sickly white and he was shaking terribly as he held the casserole, tears spilling instantly from his eyes. _His eyes_. The pain in them was so deep that when his gaze hit me, I felt immensely guilty. The dismayed hurt on his expression was unbearable to look at. I tried to get up and go to him but he let out this trembling little cry, dropping the casserole and the bag of medicine to the carpeted floor and dashing away from the room, fast. I hurriedly put my pants on while the woman next to me just dozed on. I rushed down the stairs, barefoot, grabbing my brown coat from a hook by the door, putting it on myself and I ran after Charles out on the dark streets. I caught up with him immediately because he was not running anymore. He appeared to be walking like a catatonic, his back to me; he had his hands up, covering his face and he was wailing loudly, his broken cries reaching up to the skies and it killed me that I hurt him like this. I did this to him. He stumbled, fell to his knees and he kept on weeping on the pavement. He tried to get up but his shaking knees just can't seem to hold him up. He wept like someone whose entire world had fallen apart.

"Charles!"I called again but he did not even face me. His eyes were shut tight, hands placed on his knees; his brow was furrowed with his grief. He didn't say anything. He just responded with this shuddery, gasping sobs, his face so anguished as if he had been hurt so deep he would die of it. This was what I saw when I knelt before him. My own chest was aching because of the pain I caused Charles but then I lashed out at him, pouring my self-loathing towards him. I pulled him up roughly, grabbing at his collar and shaking him about, even as he cried like a little boy before me. He finally looked up at me, sad blue eyes ringed pink because of his crying, tears streaking his face and his closed lips set together in a tight line.

"What are you crying for, huh? Didn't we have an arrangement? Didn't we agree that I can keep on being myself and just see you on the side? That was the plan! What are you getting so worked up for?"I cried out harshly, glaring at him.

I would have welcomed some vehement response. I wanted him to curse me, to hit me or scream out in his anger over what I had done but he just kept on crying sorrowfully, his lower jaw trembling and his eyes flooded over with tears. I suppose he really didn't need to say anything. The anguish in his eyes was so great that it spoke for him and it told me everything I needed to know. He wanted me to know...that all of this meant something deeper to him. It wasn't because he agreed to this relationship, thinking that he could change me; it was because he thought he could change himself for me and give me everything I needed and accept whatever I could give; he selflessly gave everything that was good about himself and I just trampled on it like it was dirt; like it was meaningless. I hated him for making me feel like this, like I'm the worst human being ever to walk this earth. I shook him again, harder this time to try and get a rise out of him, my own face a mask of rage.

"What more do you want from me, Charles? Answer me, Goddammit! Don't clam up on me now! I gave you what you wanted! I did things for you that I never would have done for anyone! What more do you want from me?"I shouted into his face but he just kept looking at me with that heart-rending expression, his eyes won't seem to stop the flood of tears that just flowed and flowed from his sad blue gaze. I didn't even care if we are making a scene on the streets. I was just so angry with him for making me feel so horrible about myself, almost as if I had killed someone. Finally, he gently reached for my fists and pulled them away from himself slowly. He looked like he was about to say something but then he stopped and placed a hand to the middle of my chest, smoothing it down with his palm. He drew close and just kissed me softly on one cheek and then he gave me a sad smile. He began to walk away slowly, his shoulders still hitching up from all his crying. And I just stood there...so stunned because he refused to respond in anger. When he was gone, I stamped my foot down and flung a hand out as if I want to lash out at something.

"Fuck this! Christ!"I cursed out loud to no one, still furious with him for the way he had behaved. I went back inside my apartment and the woman (she said her name was actually Candace Southern when I began calling her Sandy) said she had to leave because it seems my mood was broken by some lovers spat and so I let her go. When she left, I grabbed every bottle of hard liquor I could grab and downed everything bitterly, trying to drown out Charles's quiet suffering from my mind. I passed out for a few hours, drank again and then I decided I can't let this night end without speaking to him. I had to go over to his place and square things out. I had to get my anger out of my own chest. I wanted to make him understand my position because he had no right to make me feel like the cruelest asshole ever. So I drove over to his place, speeding through the stoplights and not caring until I arrived at his place. I forced the gate open and went up the steps of his crumbing mansion. I hammered on the door and called out loudly for him. It took a while but he eventually opened the door and then he looked up at me sadly from the doorway. There was still that tender expression on his face, made even more eloquent by the pain in his eyes.

"Erik, what are you doing here?"He asked softly.

"We need to talk-"I said abruptly.

Charles sighed and then he opened the door wide to let me in. I entered and when he closed the door, I grabbed his shoulder and pushed him to sit down on his old, rickety couch.

"Let's get one thing straight, Charles! Did we or did we not have an arrangement? Just answer me that!"

Charles sagged back, his expression anguished but resigned.

"I did agree to this, Erik-"He said, voice still soft and submissive.

"Well if we had an understanding, why are you crying? Why are you showing me this stupid expression on your face like I'd done you the greatest wrong? Don't go and make me feel guilty over something I shouldn't have to be guilty for!"I shouted at him.

His face was crumpled up in pain, trying to prevent himself from crying. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, hugging at his own arms and he regarded me with those clear blue, sorrowful eyes of his. My heart was aching to see him like this. I started this mess. I started it when I kissed him. And now I'm angry with him because this unnatural attraction I have for him had finally caught up with me and made me realize how much of a hypocrite I was and how fucked up I had become. Was it his fault that I forced myself on him, realizing he was in love with me, only for me to take it all back when it dawned on me that this wasn't what I wanted? Was that fair to him? If I was more of my old self, I would not have given a fuck for his feelings. But even after what had happened in the locker room earlier, even though I felt disgust for what I had become, I still _cared_ for him. That would never go away. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here in his house getting worked up over his suffering. But I hated him so much for making me fall for him; turning me into this freak of a man who can't make up his own mind on what he really wants and making me so confused about my sexuality. I couldn't stand it anymore! He made me even more furious because he still would not respond in anger. I reached for his shoulders and shook him as he remained seated.

"Are you fucking mute now or something? Aren't you a man? Try and say something for Chrissakes!"I bellowed out as I continued with my outburst.

His response was to draw me close and hold me in his arms tightly, making me collapse onto my knees before him as he sat there and he just embraced me. I was momentarily startled. My legs just gave out from under me and I let him hold me. I felt so drained from all these god-awful mixed emotions I had been feeling. He gently ran a hand at the back of my neck and spoke calmly.

"We shouldn't fight, Erik. I understand why you did that. Something happened earlier at the office, am I correct? I'm only sorry that I couldn't stop myself from feeling hurt. Let's not fight anymore, please-"

I felt the rage rise in me again. Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to act all understanding and accepting? Can't he see he's killing me with pain and confusion just by behaving this way? Why did he have to be so gentle with me? It reminded me of how gay all this was again. I slapped his hand away from me and pushed him back towards the couch roughly.

"Will you stop that, you fucking pansy! Stop trying to foist your fucking gayness on me, ok? Don't touch me anymore! I'm sick of all of this! I'm done! Let's just end this!"I cried out angrily and then the tenderness in his eyes vanished. It was replaced by this blank, shocked look; his brow furrowing as if he was suddenly looking at a stranger. The look in his eyes pierced me through the heart again because now, I've really done it. I've said the venomous thoughts I had been thinking earlier. Charles just sat there numbly, that cold and blank look on his face. I snorted and staggered about, pretending I didn't care. I had one of my whiskey bottles in his house. I rummaged through the shelves until I found it and I drank straight from the bottle. I kept on harassing him with my tirade as I weaved about his room, loudly ranting and raving that I only kissed him because he had infected me with his homosexuality; that I still hate all gays and he was not excluded. He just sat there and listened, unmoving. I don't even remember half of what I said. I think at some point, I collapsed onto his floor, still yammering on over how disgusting he was to me. I blacked out; it must have been hours that had passed but I suddenly woke up and I was still on Charles's carpeted floor and I was lying on my side. The room was dim because the lights are out and the embers burned wanly in his fireplace. Charles was pressed up at my back and he was sobbing brokenly as he gently caressed my back, his head nuzzled close to me as well. He didn't realize I was awake. He suddenly spoke and his soft voice, trembling and clotted over with his feelings, broke my heart to pieces all over again when I heard him pour his heart out to me, thinking I was unconscious and that I would never hear his anguished words.

"I know you must have heard something that made you doubt about us, Erik. And I don't know what these people told you but I had wanted to tell you, it doesn't mean that if someone is gay or weak-looking that they are not man enough. Being a real man is someone who can take responsibility for himself and his actions and having the courage to love and accept what he cannot change. Being a real man means facing every day and living life anyway even if there are so many things that could bring him down-"

I listened on quietly as he continued. My chest was hurting so bad, like I might even be having a heart attack but I didn't dare move. I let him continue.

"I love you so much, Erik. I loved you even if I knew it will hurt me just to love you. I let this relationship continue and I endured your hurtful words and your treatment of me just so I can be near you. I know, you don't love me and I'm ok with that. Because you can't take away this love I feel for you no matter how much you hurt me. I'll always love you, Erik! Always! But please, please understand there's only so much of your hate that I can take. I'm so sorry because I'm so tired; I'm so tired and I don't know if I still have the strength to go on like this-"Then he was reduced to sobs and tears again, crying onto my back.

I cried quietly as I listened to him, hoping he does not sense that I was already conscious. I had wanted to turn around and kiss him and hold him in my arms to wipe away all these hurts that had happened. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that I do love him and I care about him. But I closed my eyes instead and tried to will myself to become unconscious again since I can't stand all of this anymore. I can't take any more of this pain and hurt. I wanted to just disappear, because I had caused him so much pain and I wish I could take it all back. It seems my wish had been granted by some merciful god. I blacked out instantly and when I woke up, Charles was no longer at my side. He had put a blanket on top of me as I slumbered and even this small act of concern tugged at my heart. My head hurt horribly and I felt so drained even though I had just woken up. I wiped at my face and I looked around. Dawn was just breaking and it cast a grayish light over everything.

"Charles?"I called out. Then I felt it immediately; the feeling of emptiness in this place. I felt my heart thud painfully in my chest as I staggered up. I looked around and everything appears to be in place but something tells me I will not find Charles here anymore. That sense of vacancy hung in the air and it tore right at me. His imploring words from last night had felt so final, like it was his goodbye and even though I knew he will not answer, I called his name from around the rooms downstairs. Then I hurried upstairs and went to his bedroom. I went straight to his closet and when I opened it, it had been cleared out. His bags were gone; his laptop was gone as well as the books that I had given to him as gifts; he took those with him. I still kept calling for him till my voice was hoarse and then I ran back downstairs and flung the front door wide open. I called out even louder, panic making my heart race erratically. He was gone; gone from me forever. I went back into the receiving room and stomped about angrily. How dare he leave me like this! He left me with this terrible, hollow feeling inside because of the things I had done. In a fit of rage, I kicked at a pile of books close by his couch. I wanted to throw his things all about to get this violent anger out of my system but I stopped and I just collapsed to the floor again and I don't know why but I sobbed hysterically instead. I was overcome by this grief like I had lost someone dear to me, like when my sister passed away.

When I got to the office, I pretended everything was fine and I tried to appear cool and collected even though I was dying inside and I felt ill. People were wondering where Charles was because he never missed a day coming to the office unless he was on leave or sick. So naturally, people asked. I don't know why, but I told everyone that Charles would be going on a prolonged leave for health reasons and that he will come back. They asked me when he would be back but I told them I didn't know...that he would update me on it. My gaze kept wandering to his empty table whenever I pass by it to go in and out of the office. I felt like such a fool, after everything that had happened. Why am I so messed up? Why did I have to go and get carried away by someone else's mean words about gay men? As I sat there alone in my office, things are finally coming into focus. What Charles said last night, about what it's really like to be man, it hit me so hard I was still stunned by it. Because what he said was true. All this hatred I had been feeling for people who are different from me, all the gay bashing and homophobia...does it really even matter anymore? Does it even benefit me in some way? Does it do any good at all to keep on hating? The answer to all of that is no. I've cloistered myself in my narrow-minded ideals for the longest time and I've only come to realize it, now that Charles was gone from me. And all this hate I had felt for gay men made sense now too because deep down...I was afraid of who I really was inside. I am gay. I've just been throwing about my manliness to mask who I really was until I met Charles, who had made me feel so open and free. That was why when I was with him, I had felt so at peace with myself.

I'm still a man even if I am gay. Knowing this about myself does not make me any less of a man. Charles had said all the right things to me that night; it was the equivalent of a head-clearing slap now that I was able to assess it. And I've hurt him; I've hurt him so bad that I don't know if there would be any way to even make amends to him. People at the office had noticed a radical change in me. I've become serious and brooding, kind of how Charles was when I was haranguing him in the office because I wanted to rub his gayness into his face before. I didn't go back to dating women anymore or even sleeping around. I saw less of my friends and I did not even let Janos or Victor come to my house when they wanted to come over to watch a game there. I just wanted to be by myself and dwell over my own stupidity and yearn for Charles. I dream about him...a lot. I'd wake up gasping in the middle of the night as I remember his red and sensuous lips against mine, his sweet tongue licking my skin, his hungering palms touching me in places that had me moaning in pleasure. And his amazing blue eyes...that azure blue that made me feel like I am swimming into some deep blue body of water, where all is calm and I feel loved and at peace, I still see it when I close my own eyes. I can't get his face out of my mind. It hurts to think about him but I let myself suffer like this because I wanted to punish myself. A month passed by, another and then another and I heard no news from Charles. I kept holding onto this hope that he would somehow suddenly come back. When I was at his house after I had sobbed myself to exhaustion the day he left me, I tried to call him and text him and I had thought that must have turned his phone off because I was getting nothing. Then I saw that he had left his phone on one of his tables in the receiving room on purpose. He did not want me to call him so he left it. I did not even know the address of his relatives. I had wondered if he had gone back to them to get away from me. I wanted so badly to see him, to say I was sorry and that I did not mean the things I had said. Another month came around and I was starting to lose hope that he would come back to me.

"What are you humming?" Emma asked while we were sitting in one of the meeting rooms, organizing another set of reports for a presentation. It was just the two of us together, working late that day.

"Hmm?"I said and I looked up at her, startled.

Emma was giving me an odd look, her pretty brow furrowed by a soft line. Blond vixen as always and wearing a stylish white dress that complimented her curves, you would never have thought how intelligent and perceptive she could be. All you could see is her brimming sexual attractiveness but she is an assertive woman no less; self-made and independent. She had remained single by choice, even though men flocked to her in droves. Her icy blue eyes regarded me in a penetrating way and she did not say anything for a long time. When she spoke, there was a small knowing smile on her lips.

"That tune you were humming just now...it was the song that Charles sang when we went on a company outing once.'Only you'-"

"I wasn't humming that!"I tried to deny it, fool that I am.

Her eyes lit up, the more she stared at my face, seeming to see something in my expression.

"You were thinking about Charles! I get it now-"

I pretended to frown at her, my voice becoming harsh."What the hell are you talking about?"

She smiled again, looking positively tickled by her discovery of something so delightful."You and him. It all makes sense! All this moping about in the office and spacing out; all this brooding silence...you miss him and you're in love with him!"

I could have puffed up in indignation and disgust at her supposedly preposterous idea, feigning to cover up what I truly felt inside but I've grown so tired of the lies. I sighed and slumped forward on my arms."That obvious, huh?"

Emma's eyes widened at my admission and she put a hand to her mouth, still somehow delighted by it all."Oh my God! I can't believe it! You're not kidding! This is real! The self-proclaimed homophobic asshole brought to his knees by his pretty boy assistant!"

"That's not a picture I would have painted in my head. I'd rather you change the terms you use!"I growled at her. She ignored my angry response and kept on smiling at me. I thought she would be mocking me or even act disgusted by the truth but she looked...pleased. It was odd. Then her face softened and she grew concerned.

"Did you two get into a fight? Is that why he's been gone for months now and you did not bother to get another assistant...because you want him back?"

"I don't want to talk about it!"I said dismissively, wanting to stop all this questioning. Emma suddenly put her pen down and she started to gather her papers. She put them aside then she grabbed my papers too, which I tried to draw away from her reach.

"What are you doing?"

She extended a hand towards me, her head tilted to the side."Let's go out for a drink. You need it-"

"No!"

"Lehnsherr! Bar. Now."Emma said with finality and glared right back at me, grabbing my arm. She had always had this streak of domineering persuasiveness in her. I should know, since I had slept with her. I grudgingly allowed myself to be led and she said she will drive us to this bar she favored. When we got there, she ordered the drinks and then she prodded me for more details about what had happened. I don't know why I opened up to her. Maybe I just needed to tell someone the truth and get it off my chest. So I told her in clear detail, how Charles and I became lovers and why he left. I watched her face intently as I did this and surprisingly...there was no judgment in her eyes. She was open and even sympathetic. When she spoke next, her voice was soft and awed.

"Imagine that man would be the one to change you like this...he looked so geeky and unassuming, who would have thought he had the power to do this? Well, I suppose the remaining question now is what do you want to do about it?"

I ran my hands though my hair, slumping forward on the table and nursing my drink in frustration."I don't know anymore! I don't know what I want! Don't you think this was my karma? My curse for all the things I had done?"

"Not at all! I think you were right when you said this must be who you are on the inside that was why you loathed homosexual men-"

"But Emma, I'm still a man, right? You should know; we've slept together once-"

"A man's sexual prowess isn't the only means to assert maleness or even bullying men you think are lesser than you. Look, I've slept with men, experimented with women but that does not define my sexuality. Those lines are blurred down by all these changes in the world, Erik. What does it matter if a man sleeps with another man...or if a transgender sleeps with a lesbian? What matters most are the relationships we decide to enter into and how we stand by our choices as long as it makes us happy and that our lives become meaningful in the process-"

I sighed audibly and I think I was beginning to see Emma in a different light. "You should become a shrink, Emma-"

Emma chuckled at that, touching my arm affectionately."Then you should be paying up, Erik-"

"What do you think should I do now?"

"Isn't it obvious? You go after the boy!"

"How? I don't know where he is-"

"Go back to his house and look for letters, addresses. Check his resume. Lehnsherr, use your head! The one that actually sits atop your shoulders and not the one between your legs!"

I laughed weakly at that. I was surprised that Emma was not even sarcastic or snide when she discovered my true proclivities. In fact, she was supportive. I asked that she keep this between us because I don't think anyone in the office would be just as understanding and she promised she would not tell a soul.

"Anyway, I don't need to say anything. When the time comes, you'll be the one telling everybody about your relationship-"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves and hope that does not happen...ever! My image will be smeared all over the ground if I do that!"

Emma gave me that oddly knowing smile again."We'll see-"

I knew I should have done this before. I should have tried to find a means to get to Charles. But I was afraid and unsure over a lot of things. (There, I admitted that!) I was in doubt if he would ever take me back again, or if I would even be able to persuade him to return with me. I got back to that crumbling mansion, using the key he had given me and I looked over his shelves and flipped the pages of the books to see if there were any letters inserted in there and then I did find one envelope with an address. I knew which state his relatives resided in but not the exact address. So when I saw this one envelope, I knew this was the address. I only hoped that he would be there. I immediately filed a leave at the office, distributed the tasks so that our projects will still push through without a hitch even in my absence. I initially worried over a lot of things, like how to even begin getting Charles to see me or to get him into a conversation but fuck it! I'm throwing all caution to the wind! I booked a flight to that state and I rented a car that could endure heavy terrain.

Charles's relatives lived deep in a rural location, where there were almost no amenities and the houses are so far apart that each one feels like a lone planet unto itself. It was like I was in a land of pine house was this big, wooden structure of neat logs and it stood two stories high, with more trees surrounding it going as far as the eye could see. It was in a secluded location nestled between low mountains. No one was outside and I wondered briefly if someone was inside the house. I knocked upon the door and then I was greeted by the sight of a surly-faced yet handsome man, his body heavily muscled and he wore a red plaid shirt and denims, his brown hair combed away from his head in sharp angles, almost as if they are horns, emphasized by the beard about his cheeks. The man peered down at me with hardened brown eyes.

"Yeah?"The man asked in a gravelly voice.

"Is Charles Xavier here, Sir? Could you please tell him Erik Lehnsherr would like to see him-"I started off politely.

The man stood there for a moment, seeming to look me over critically and then he stepped back and gestured for me to come close to the door."Sure...come on over, Bub!" I went forward, thinking he was letting me in but he suddenly launched a fist towards my face and punched me, throwing me backwards onto the ground before the steps of their house. Son of a Bitch! That bastard sure packs a wallop! My vision was still blurry and I felt light headed as I struggled to get up because he came stomping towards me again. He wanted to tango some more, it seems.

"You dare show your face here, you Asshole! After what you've done to Charles!"The man cried out truculently and I blocked his first punch but the motherfucker was strong! I did my best to avoid being hit in the face again but he gave me an uppercut and I fell back to the ground once more; I began seeing stars. I glanced towards some movement at the doorway and I see a young man with dark red hair and another young man with blond hair. They watched impassively as I got punched out by this nasty piece of work. A woman with long dark red hair came flying out of the house next and she was running towards us to try and stop the one-sided match.

"Logan! Stop it!"

The man, Logan, seemed to be enjoying me as his sport and he was grinning maliciously at me."Get back inside, Jean. Let me handle this! For once in my life I'll enjoy committing manslaughter and I will not regret it-"

"Logan you don't mean that! Stop it already!" The woman implored; her face pale and frightened.

"Please, I just need to see Charles-"I called out to her and then I turned to the brute before me."What the hell! I just want to talk to him ok? We need to clear things up!"The woman finally reached us and put her hands to Logan's arm to stop his threatening advance.

"Things have been made clear already! You are a bastard who deserves to die! No one hurts Charles like that. _No one._ I'll personally make sure you don't get near him! Not one inch!"

"I'm not leaving this place until I see him, you motherfucking, overzealous yokel! Let me talk to him!"I hollered back.

The man spat on the ground and sneered at me, one eyebrow quirking up disdainfully. He called out towards the house."Charles! You wanna see this Asshole? He's trying to be cute and wishin' for some parley!"

I immediately turn my head towards the door and then I finally saw Charles. I have not seen him in four and a half months. It was strange to see he had grown a short beard and his hair was longer, covering his ears. He looked unkempt, wearing a loose, dirty yellow shirt; ragged jeans and a plaid robe as if he had just got out of bed. He had dark circles under his eyes, which looked lifeless and somehow haunted. Charles glowered at me for a moment and then he pursed his lips together, shaking his head.

"No."Charles said flatly and then he went back inside the house without another glance at me. I couldn't let him dismiss me like that! I made for the door desperately, running as fast as I can but the other two boys blocked my way; they were shaking their heads and looking at me threateningly.

"You come in here and I'm gonna help Uncle Logan bury your body where it won't ever be found!"The blond boy said; his voice quietly furious. The other red-haired boy pushed back at my chest roughly.

"Leave, dipshit!"He spat out derisively.

"Please everyone, let's just act like civilized human beings here!"Jean interjected and she held my gaze as she stepped towards me, her expression hard.

"Mr Lehnsherr, please just leave us in peace. You're causing my family much distress with your presence. Please just go!"

My face crumpled up with my anguish as I tried to control the agony I felt."I just need a few words with Charles. I just want to say I'm sorry-"

Charles must have told them about us, so they have a pretty clear idea that we had a romantic relationship. They probably knew about me and my homophobia and what treatment I subjected Charles to. That was why I understood the hatred in Jean's eyes. She may speak politely but her feelings showed on her face.

"I don't know where you found the gall to come here, Mr Lehnsherr but what you did to Charles, it's just unforgivable. That boy did not deserve to be hurt like that and I'm sorry too but I don't want you speaking to him ever again. So please...just leave-"

I stood there for a while longer, basking in their hostility and wondering if I should have said the right words that might have helped turn things around but I could think of nothing. I felt so helpless and foolish. I finally relented and I walked down towards my car but I did not leave. I stayed in there, trying to wrack my brains for an idea and what to say to make things better between me and Charles. I gazed out of my window at all this wild, thriving wilderness before me. I could hear the cry of birds and beasts of burden in the distance. I sat there till it was dark and then I tried going back to their house again. Before I could even step any closer to the front doorstep, Logan came out and he brandished a shotgun, cocking it and glaring at me menacingly.

"You have royally pissed me off, Bub! We've had enough of you! Can't you get it through your thick head? He doesn't want to see you!"

"Fine! Shoot me! You can't make me leave here with your empty threats! I have a right to see him, Goddamnit! Let me in or-"

Logan suddenly shot at my feet and the resounding bang echoed around us, sending birds flying and crying indignantly from the trees. I heard a dog bark from somewhere. I nearly pissed my pants because even if it was just a warning shot, I don't know Logan's temperament enough to bluff my way into getting into their house. He might actually shoot me. He blew at the lip of the gun in an exaggerated manner and he sneered at me.

"What were you saying about empty threats?"

His nephews (I believe that is what they are) peered out from the windows at me, snickering amongst themselves. Jean came bounding out again and she snatched the gun from Logan's hands.

"Are you crazy? If you kill him do you think it would be even worth it?" She cried angrily as she held the gun out of his way, glaring at him.

"Yep. Worth every single prison sentence-"Logan said smugly, his eyes still on me.

Jean grabbed at his shoulder so he would face her, her eyes wide.

"So are you going to abandon me and the boys like this? Are you going to leave me to handle all the business? Just to satisfy your stupid pride? Because if you are then you are no different from him!"Jean said as she pointed a shaking finger at me without looking at me. That caused Logan to stop, his shoulders slumping. Even here I have made a mess out of things. But I'm not about to leave without having the chance of talking to Charles. I tried to speak my piece again.

"I'm sorry about all of this. Really, I am. But I went all the way out here from a different state just to talk to him-"

"I don't care if you came from China or wherever the hell you came from! I want you off my property and out of our lives!" Logan screamed at me. He made as if to lunge at me but Jean restrained him. I decided to leave again and go back to my car, with Logan calling out threats from behind me. Jesus! All this stupid drama and struggle just to have a decent conversation with him! I'm sick of it! I had to take matters into my own hands! I stayed in the car again, ate and slept there for a while. When I've determined that they were all asleep and the lights were off, I crept quietly close to the house. I decided I was going to break in. I don't know what happens next but I'll probably have to corner Charles so he would talk to me. I will force him if I have to! I was desperate to talk to him and now I have been reduced to doing this! Damn his stubborn ways! Damn his stupid meddling family! One of the windows was actually half open and I climbed in, leaving my shoes outside.

They must have thought I wouldn't even imagine doing this. The lights were all off and there was actually a dog sleeping close to the fireplace but it did not even wake up. I could only make my way about the rooms with the help of the moonlight streaming in through the windowpanes. I peered into the rooms quietly, opening the doors just a crack so I could see the people sleeping in their beds. The entire house smelled kind of warm and woodsy; the place neat and organized from the inside. I opened the first bedroom door on the lower floor and from the way the forms are positioned on the bed, pressed close together, I was able to discern that it was Logan and his wife Jean. I closed the door as quietly as I could. I climbed up the stairs next and I opened the first door close to the landing. This one had bunk beds and I could hear synchronized snoring coming from both occupants. They must be the two nephews because Charles was a quiet sleeper and he never snored. I then tried the second door on the opposite side but it was locked. It made me wonder if Charles was the one sleeping in there but maybe I could still try the other doors.

I tip-toed further into the hall and there was a last room at the end. I went to it and slowly turned the doorknob once more. This one was definitely Charles. He was sleeping on his side on the bed and he was facing the door. I could see his troubled-looking face even in the darkness of the room because his lucid and pale skin shone in the dimness. I felt my heart melt at the sight of him. I closed the door behind me and I went to him. I just sat there on the floor, watching him sleep for some time. Even though he looked like this, I still found his face so mesmerizing. He still made my heart race whenever I see him. I reach out to stroke his forehead, gently smoothing his hair away and then his blue eyes flew open.

He instantly got up and pushed my hands away, his face looking hellacious and indignant.

"What are you doing in here?"Charles said loudly but I tried to put a hand to his mouth to silence him. He pushed my hand away roughly, about ready to scream again but I covered his mouth again and restrained him. His window was wide open. I recklessly thought I could escape with him going through there instead. I started to carry him in my arms, like I was kidnapping him! I've now resorted to this insanity! He kicked, punched and flailed that it was almost next to impossible to even leave quietly with him now.

"Let me go, you bastard!"Charles hollered out. He managed to free himself from my arms and he collapsed to the carpeted floor on his behind. His face was contorted in rage. I had never seen him this mad before. He suddenly launched himself at me and attacked me, hitting my arms and then he pulled back and threw a punch to my face and I fell to the floor. Holy Fuck! I never realized Charles could hit this hard! My head was spinning and my face hurt like hell, then grew numb. I touched my aching cheek, looking up at him incredulously as he stood there; his chest heaving and hands balled into fist.

"You Asshole! You think your coming here makes any difference?"He screamed at me. His face looked agonized but angry all at the same time.

"Charles! I just want to talk!" I began. Then the lights turned on and in came barging a dark-skinned woman with short hair and she had a baseball bat in her hand. This is just great! More people coming in to get in my way. It pissed me off so much that I glowered at her.

"Who the hell are you?"I cried out to her.

She brought her baseball bat down and she put a hand to her hips, perhaps she also recognized me and restrained herself."I'm Ororo, Charles's aunt-"

I looked over at Charles next, my expression skeptical."You have an Aunt who's black?"

Charles just rolled his eyes at me and he did not answer. He stood there, shaking his head in mild consternation and then he and Ororo looked at each other.

"Is he always this rude wherever he goes, Charles? You want me to pop him one?"Ororo said as she gripped the baseball bat in an unveiled threat of violence. All of this was really annoying the hell out of me and I hit the floor with my fist.

"Damn it, Charles! Why can't I just fucking talk to you without everyone else fucking barging in, huh?"

Ororo widened her eyes at me and raised the bat again."You know I could just break your dirty mouth in, Mister! Didn't your mother ever rinse your mouth for swearing so much?"

Before I could answer her, Charles's entire menagerie of relatives came into the room as well and Logan looked extremely furious as he hurried over to me. His face was crumpled up with rage as he tried to reach for me but Ororo was the one who stopped him, barring his way with her bat. Jean just stood at the doorway next to the boys.

"Logan, let me deal with this!"

"No!"Charles finally spoke and he looked about at the people in the room."Let me talk with him. He won't stop until we've made things final!"

He gestured for everyone to go out of his room so it would be just the two of us."Please just leave us-"

No one made a move to follow, all of them were looking concerned for Charles but Ororo decided to make the first move and everyone else eventually followed. Finally, it was just him and me. It had been so much trouble to talk to him and now that it was just the two of us, I suddenly don't know how to begin. I'd been practicing what I had wanted to say, thinking of all the possible arguments and rebuttals but when he was actually standing right before me, I just lost my cool. Charles was also not helping when he just stared at me in silence, waiting for me to begin. The look of loathing on his face was quite familiar to me. It was the same expression I use when I want my disgust to show on my face. The silence drew on uncomfortably. I remained on the floor and he kept watching me coldly and impassively. I then attempted to break it with some clumsy humor.

"Is violence a genetic thing with you and your family? Because if it is, I might as well get my face insured! I don't want to lose my good looks just about yet-"

More silence as Charles stared me down furiously. I sighed and sat cross-legged on the floor, facing him. It was better if I just gave it straight. "I'm sorry. I know it will take a lifetime and more to make up for what I had done. I know I've hurt you so bad and I've said terrible things but I'm here, Charles to make amends. I went all the way out here because I want you back. Just tell me what you want me to do; I'll do it if it will grant me your forgiveness-"

Charles's face still remained quietly furious, his brow furrowed and his eyebrows and his mouth drawn down angrily. He was looking at me like I was like some species of mutant insect that somehow repulsed him. I felt small and defeated; just by that look on his face. I continued again, hoping that my words are not just bouncing off fruitlessly from this impenetrable wall of hatred and coldness from him.

"Charles, I've suffered too. I was just so messed up when I met you and I've drawn you into my mess. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. When I was with you, things were actually better and I felt like I could be a better person. But I got so affected by someone's careless words about men having relationships with men that I lashed out at you. I want to make up for all of that. Please, just give me a chance! I want you to still be a part of my life. I want us to be together even if our future is uncertain. If I'm with you, I know we can face it-"

He didn't even blink. He stared at me with this frosty blue gaze that sent a cold numbness into my stomach. Am I getting through to his heart at all? I got up slowly and I reached for him, wanting to hold him in my arms but he flung my hands away before I could embrace him and he screamed at me, his face crumpled up in pain.

"I don't want your suffering! I don't want your future!"

I struggled with him until I had him in my arms, even though he hit me and scratched at me as he cried. I kissed his temple and held him close to myself.

"I need you, Charles! I need you to love me again-"

Charles cried into my shoulder, giving up on his struggles. He sobbed brokenly, his entire body trembling that it hurts to see him so anguished like this. He was still suffering after all this time.

"I don't...I don't know if I have the strength to keep loving you, Erik-"

"Then it's going to take the two of us, side by side at a time when we couldn't be further apart-"I told him gently then I pulled back to look down at him as I held him. "I won't lie to you, Charles. If you come back with me, I can't promise an instant change. We've walked two different paths for me to even get to that point with you but I can promise that if I have you there, If I have your love, I know I will be able to change into someone who will be worthy of you-"

He looked like he was finally softening. His face had become gentler again but he still looked so uncertain. I lifted his chin so our gazes will meet.

"While we were lying down on your floor, back in the mansion the night before you left...I heard every word you said and I'm glad I heard them because you were right about what you said on what's important on being a real man-"

His eyes widened and he gave me an endearing smile. I missed seeing him smile at me like this! I tell you, my heart was beating so fast in my chest at the sight of it, I had wondered if he could feel it against his own chest. He must have because he reached out to touch the area where my heart is, as if to still it. I couldn't fight this intense longing in me anymore. I drew him close and kissed him passionately. I didn't care if his beard was scratching me up. I just had to kiss him. My tongue dove into his mouth and then I kissed him all over his face and guided him onto the bed so we can continue making out. We didn't have sex. We just lay together on his bed and we talked quietly and kissed until we both fell asleep, holding onto each other. When I woke up in the morning, Charles was not in bed with me anymore. I hastily got up to go look for him but he suddenly came into the room and I saw that he had shaved his beard and his hair was cut short again. He had already showered and his hair was still slightly wet. He was dressed in one of the outfits he always favored, a blue pullover sweater this time with a white shirt underneath.

"Good Morning!"Charles greeted me brightly and then he pecked a kiss on my lips."Let's go downstairs for some breakfast-"He began but I tackled him back onto the bed and I began to kiss him playfully.

"What? I thought I'm having my breakfast now-"

Charles giggled as I was straddled atop him. He was trying to push me away as I nuzzled him and kissed him but he didn't really put much effort in it. We could have kept going but we heard someone clear their throat that Charles hastily pulled away from me. It was the blond boy and he stood at the doorway, rolling his eyes and trying to avert his gaze.

"Uncle Logan says you better come down and eat-"

Charles ran a hand through his hair, blushing furiously but he reached for my hand and we both went downstairs to eat breakfast with his family. I immediately noticed that Charles had already packed his bags and it warmed my heart to see that. It was really uncomfortable, sitting there with his relatives after the fiasco that had happened when we first met but I suppose I had to face them as a sign of respect, no matter how mortified I felt. Jean came out of the kitchen and placed a plate of bacon and eggs before me. Ororo sat to my right and she placed some toast on my plate. Charles sat to my left and he just looked radiant and happy. My gaze kept straying back to him and we smiled at each other as we ate. I was finally introduced formally to everyone. Logan is Charles's Uncle and Jean was his Aunt. His second Aunt who lived with them was Ororo. The two boys were actually Jean's adopted brothers, Scott and Alex. The boys looked to be around their twenties. Charles had informed me that they have a Wood Processing business and that was the reason why they had to leave him by himself while he finished college back in our state. Logan sat at the head of the table but he did not even speak to me like everyone else was. He just glared at me, his nostrils flaring.

"So you and him are a...uhm together, right?"Scott asked as he kept on eating his toast and alternately dipping it into his sunny-side up eggs.

"Yes-"I said and I faced Charles. For once, I was not ashamed that I am openly in a relationship with another man. Charles smiled at me affectionately and reached for my wrist.

"All of us had a discussion with Charles early this morning and he said he wanted to go back with you. Now, Mr Lehnsherr I do hope that with Charles making this decision to be with you, you would treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Because if you hurt Charles again, we will all go looking for you and you will have to answer to us-"Ororo said seriously as she looked at me, her gaze intent. I reached out and put an arm around Charles, gazing at him as gently as I could.

"Charles and I will work it out-"I said softly, my eyes only on him.

"You have to say you'll promise!"Alex added, eyes narrowed at me and he had a doubtful expression on his face.

"Yes of course, I promise-"Making my expression solemn so they would know I was serious. I looked around at them wondering why they seem to be so accepting of my relationship with Charles even though they hated my guts initially. They had asked me how I was able to find them and how I got there and then they were actually amused as they recalled my efforts to try and see Charles, except for Logan, who just kept on eating and glaring at me. When we were done eating and I was helping them clear the table, Jean pulled me aside to talk with me while Charles washed dishes with Alex and Scott. Logan still sat at the table, talking to Ororo.

"You must be wondering why we knew about you, Mr Lehnsherr-"Jean began as we stood at the bottom of the stairs. I nodded and waited for her continue.

"Charles always wrote to us or sent us emails about what was happening to him there in the city and he told us about you. He told us he was in a relationship with the man he had wanted to be with for the longest time. At first we were concerned. You see Mr Lehnsherr, ever since he was a little boy, all he had ever talked about was his meeting with you in the cemetery back in the city and how he wished to see you again, so we knew about his inclinations. He'd always talk about you...about the kind boy who comforted him when he was so full of grief. Do you see how much you meant to him, Mr Lehnsherr?"Jean said quietly, her face solemn. My heart wrenched painfully because Charles had probably thought I was the love of his life. I couldn't speak at first because my chest suddenly felt tight again. I could only nod gravely.

"He's a very intelligent young man, although he is unsociable because he's extremely shy. I remember when we lived in the city with him, he tried to date women and befriend other people but these relationships don't last with him because he's too withdrawn and sentimental. You can't imagine how much courage it took for him to try and work in your company. That had always been his problem, you see. In this day and age, it is a rare sight to see someone with a tender soul. He doesn't really belong in your world. He's just trying just so he can be with you. So please, when he comes back with you, I implore you to be there for him-"

"I'll look after him, Jean. I promise I'll do my best-"

"I will hold you to that promise, Mr Lehnsherr-"Jean said in a soft voice.

Later when Charles and I were about to leave, Logan finally decided to talk with me. I was surprised that we managed a somewhat civilized conversation, brief as it is. He had stopped me at the doorway while Charles and cousins brought his luggage into my car. He stood there with his arms crossed in front of himself, staring down at the boys and Charles.

"You and Jean talked?"

"Yes, we did-"

Logan sighed and then he turned to face me."He's a goddamned softie and I can't change that. He's family so we look out for each other, understand?"

I nodded in response. His face drew down distastefully as he frowned at me.

"I have no idea what that boy sees in you but if you hurt him again, I will hunt for you and I will gut you. So whatever promise you made to Jean, keep it!"

I tried to hide my amusement at the threat but he just grumbled and turned away from me. Even though Charles's family was odd, I liked that they cared a lot about him. I was mildly envious that he had such close ties with them when I was barely even close with my own family. Everyone else said their goodbye to Charles and he and I finally left.

I can't tell you how relieved I was to be out of there. It was at least worth it. I have Charles back and he's returning to work for me. We had discussed this on the night that we made up, when I had asked him what he wanted to do once we got back. He said he wanted to keep working at Lehnsherr Enterprises because he still wanted to be with me. I had booked us both flights from online and the plan was that he won't come in to work for a week after my return so that it would not be obvious that we returned together. Of course he had agreed to keep our relationship a secret but I told him I will not be strident with him any longer. I can't bring myself to do it to him anymore. He said I had to keep up appearances but I refused so he had said we will work something out somehow. I had told him that Emma knew about us and that she was the one that suggested I follow him and he was pleased to know that someone was supportive. I was also very excited to get back home so we can have sex again but when we got there, Charles said he was tired out from the trip and that we will do it some other time. So we just made out on his bed and slept but you have no idea how much I was aching for us to fuck! I've been celibate for months for him, saving myself up in the instance that he does return. It made me even more sexually frustrated when he avoided having sex with me in his house. We kept making out like high school kids but he'd gently push me away and stop me, saying he wasn't ready yet. I don't know if he was doing this to get a rise out me. It's like he's begging me to turn this into a rape! But I wanted to be patient with him so I kept my distance when he asked me to stop.

Anyway, I threw myself back into work so that it would get my mind off of that. I didn't bring him all the way back just for the sex, although that was a big part of our relationship. What mattered the most was that we were together and that I've come to terms with my relationship with him. I want to be with him more than anything. I thought fondly of what the future had in store for us and I don't think I've ever felt this way for another person. I still have my fears and my doubts, sure but I'd rather endure all of that as long as I'm still with him. Emma had asked me furtively if my mission was accomplished and I had told her I was able to win Charles back and that he will be returning to work soon. She congratulated me and wished me well. I tried to maintain that same sobriety that had been my norm since Charles had gone so that people will not sense anything different about me. So it shocked the hell out of me when Charles got back to work sooner than expected. I look up from my desk to see him standing at the door greeting me soberly and goddammit! He looked great in his new blue-gray suit. It brought out the color of his eyes; his radiant and fresh-looking skin, peeking out of his collar was just irresistible. I swallowed thickly.

"Good Morning, Sir!"Charles greeted me and handed in his clearance papers from the office clinic.

"I thought you wouldn't be back until next week, Xavier-"I said calmly as I stared hard at him, not even looking at the papers he brought in.

"I had to come back early because the clinic needed my papers and the date of my uh, recovery on my medical certificate was for this week, not the next-"

"I see-"Charles had gone to a local clinic to try and get 'legitimate' documents for his medical leave and they must have put the wrong date on it. I got up and picked up a large pile of folders and handed it to him. When I drew close to him and I smelled his perfume, that cedar wood scent assaulted my senses. My cock stirred and my brain brought up those memories of that first time we had sex. I tried to sound gruff when I spoke to him. I had hoped my voice did not tremble when I spoke to him.

"Well, since you are here, I might as well brief you in on the new developments we have in Information analysis and the new updates to our methodology in Portfolio organization. A lot of changes had happened since you were gone for four months. Come with me, we're going to a meeting room for your briefing-"

Charles nodded imperceptibly and followed me down the aisle. I stopped to peek in at Bobby who was talking on the phone with our Sales group and I rapped my knuckles at his open door. Bobby mumbled to the other party on his phone and faced me with a questioning look.

"Bobby, tell everyone I'm going on a long meeting. Might take 3 or 4 hours. I don't want to be disturbed. Have Armando take care of the new images for the portfolio. You and Emma can take in the new reports and distribute the tasks to everyone, got it?"

"Yes, Sir!"Bobby called out and I gestured for Charles to continue following me. I decided to take a meeting room that was on another floor so that if anyone tried to look for me, they won't find me easily. I tried to act calm but I was just about exploding on the inside. When Charles and I got to the room, I locked it, made sure the 'In-Use' Signage was up and then I faced Charles, who meekly stood close to the table and placed the folders down on it.

"I'm sorry, Erik! The work must have piled up since I was gone! I probably have to sort through some emails and-"Charles began but I cut him off by grabbing him and kissing him hard on the lips, my tongue darting quickly into his mouth. His eyes widened for a moment, then his eyes became dreamy as I held him and caressed him while drowning him in my hungry kisses. Charles moaned into my mouth and cut off the kiss, smiling faintly.

"Erik we're at work! We can kiss later when we-"

I throttled down on his cock, squeezing hard that it caused him to gasp and pull away. He looked up at me, blushing and incredulous over my sudden sexual attack.

"Erik?"Charles said in a small questioning voice, his blue eyes wide open and looking perturbed. I let out a breath and I started to unbuckle my belt so he would realize my intent in bringing him into the meeting room.

"Charles, I can't stand it anymore! You've pushed me so far up the wall I'm going crazy with this wanting for you!"

"We can...we can have sex later if you really want it. We can do it at my house-"Charles offered hesitantly, looking agitated.

I went over to him and I started to undo the front of his coat and then I unbuttoned his shirt. I rashly undid his pants and pushed it down. He struggled against my grasp but I pushed him towards the table and I started taking his shoes and socks off, pulling his pants off of him completely at the same time. Charles looked like he was in agony, not knowing what to do to stop my advances. I grabbed the back of his neck roughly so he could not squirm away from me.

"No! We are doing this now!"

"But...but-"Charles wildly tried to make some sort of excuse for us to stop. I stopped his stupid protestations by kissing him passionately on the table, hugging him to myself as I pressed up wantonly against him. I pulled back to lick his lips slowly, savoring the softness of it and then I nibbled at his lower lip, making him moan in a trembling voice and he started up in shock at the sensation it brought him. Then my hand went back down to his cock and I started giving him a hand job, making him cry out but he pressed his fisted hand to his mouth and shut his eyes tight, not wanting to cry out loud, perhaps fearful that we might get caught. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted him so badly, having been denied for so long. His scent just drove me crazy on the spur of the moment. I kept kissing him and fondling him as he writhed beneath me, trying to stifle his cries of pleasure. I whispered in his ear how sexy he looked to me right now, lying on this table half naked and how good he smelled. He responded with breathy moans; his heavy lidded eyes overbright with unshed tears. His red lips shone from all the kissing and licking I had dealt upon it. He was so hard already. He must have been trying to stop his own urges all the while that he had been avoiding sex with me. He trembled and moaned quietly at first but then his breathing quickened as my hand quickened and his eyes shut tight again as he savored everything I was doing to him. I made him come and he let out this choked cry that he tried to cut off as his head rolled back onto the table, licking at his own lips slowly.

"See? You wanted me to do this to you-"I huskily whispered in his ear and he opened his eyes to give me a charged stare of lust. My hand traced down upon his chest, his belly, and I smeared the come that had spread on his stomach and around his cock to lubricate my own hand; then my fingers slowly traced down to his hole and he shut his eyes again, uttering a short cry of complaint, putting his fist to his mouth again while his other hand was thrown back over his head. I entered him with my fingers first, just spreading him out and preparing him. I pushed two of my fingers in deep to look for that pleasure spot in him. He started up violently when I had found it and I jabbed at it repeatedly. His head was turning about in denial of this intense pleasure; short, strangled little moans and gasps escaped his lips. His cock, barely recovered was stirring angrily up again. He was still wearing his shirt but I had taken his coat off of him. His forehead was misted over with sweat and darkening his hair. His body was so hot next to mine. I could hear his heartbeat in the silence of the room, along with the sounds of the rough-silk touch of our skin; his cries of pleasure and my breathing filled the air. The dirty and wet sounds of penetration broke the silence too. This was so intense, it was driving me insane with lust. I stopped what I was doing and he let out a soft complaining moan. I drew him close to my lower body, positioning his behind on the edge of the table. His eyes were looking drugged and hazy with want. He let me straddle him and he wrapped his legs around my waist. I took out my cock and guiding his arms so he would wrap them around my neck, I began to enter him slowly; my cock pulsing and causing my balls to tighten for a moment. Still so tight and so hot.

"Hmmmpp!"Charles grunted, shutting his lips tight so that he would not cry out loud. He undulated against me, taking all of me in. His nipples were already taut and hot as he pressed his chest against mine. I fucked him slowly at first, watching the reactions he was making. That was what I liked best when I make love to him. He savored each thrusting and fucking I give him. He always gave me this anguished look like he was hurting but it was a pleasure hurt. When our eyes meet as we fuck he would give me this dark look of wanting. He was doing it now, causing me to quicken the pumping of my hips. I wanted to hear his moans. His moans that tell me that what I was doing to him felt so good it drove him so crazy with desire.

"Moan, Charles. I want to hear you-"I rasped out throatily against his cheek as I licked at it. Charles shook his head in denial.

"I...I...uh! I c-can't! Not here-"Charles said in a small anguished voice, tears starting up from his eyes. His moaning was so restrained right now. I smiled to myself, thinking of the right remedy to this predicament. As I was bucking up into him, his legs wrapped around me as well as his arms, my two hands are free to explore. I used my other arm to brace Charles and steady him. With the other, I reached for his cock and I seductively started to play with it.

"OHMYGOD!"Charles wailed out loud, unable to stop himself. His blush deepened, reaching down to his neck which was already red with all these heated sensations. His eyes trembled with alarm for a moment but then he couldn't stand it anymore. His expression grew blissful and drugged. He moaned into my ear, licking and kissing my cheek.

"Oh God, yes! Oh Fuck me, yeah!"Charles moaned wantonly, nuzzling his face up against mine. We were both fighting for purchase to reach resolution, desperate for that elusive orgasm that had been denied to the both of us for so long. Our hips were quickening and losing volition; my hand was losing that rhythm while I pumped my fist up and down his cock. Charles threw his head back in abandon, mouth hanging open as he enjoyed himself and let go. He was making those breathy cries of lust as he lost himself to it all. That delicious sound coming from him again. I was coming, I was losing it too. If I had looked behind me, I would have seen his toes curling in pleasure, his legs quaking and nearly slipping while we fucked and fucked. I was losing my mind with the unbearable intensity of these sensations. Charles wanted to match my own tempo and come along with me. He brought his head up to meet my heated gaze and he bit his lower lip seductively. Then he suddenly let loose one drawn-out rapturous cry, and ended it with that pleasure-hurt moan that went deep into the core of my being. I had lost all control of myself and I came too, my come gushing hotly and copiously into him. I guided Charles's body back down onto the table, both of us gasping and red faced with our exertions and then I kissed his lips and gently nuzzled his cheek.

"Welcome back-"I whispered to him softly and then he sighed in contentment and smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

This is in the realm of fairy tale happy endings so just be warned, I milked it for all it's worth XD Don't we all wish for happy endings too? I mean I could totally do an angsty and sad ending but why should a good story have to always be tragic? My personal opinion on this is, I am a fan and at the same time I am a fanfiction writer. I would rather write something that pleases me personally and in a sense, pleases the fans of Cherik. So here you go, a fairy tale ending as always, for my beloved fandom 3 Thanks for taking the time to read everyone and that comes from the bottom of my heart!

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We were actually in that meeting room for five straight hours. By the time I was done with him, his legs were shaking and he could barely stand up so I let him rest for an hour before we left the room. He was very embarrassed about his own moaning afterwards but I informed him the room was one of our sound proof rooms in the building. He needn't have worried. I led him to the Men's room where we could freshen up and after we had washed up, we went back to our own floor in Information Analysis. Some of his colleagues greeted Charles and welcomed him back while I headed off by myself back to my office. I hoped no one noticed the dizzy smile of happiness on my face. When Charles got back to our room at the end of the department, away from everyone else, I drew the blinds that covered my Plexiglas wall so I could see him. He smiled back at me but he immediately became serious and pulled up his emails and sorted through them, looking through some new reports. When the day was done, Charles went to the door to say goodbye since he had to leave early as scheduled.

"No Charles. I'm afraid you have to stay a bit more late. I still need you-"I told him blandly from my desk.

"Alright Sir. Do you have anything you need for me to do?"Charles asked, all serious and thinking of work.

"Yes. Come over here and look through these reports, why don't you?"I held the thick folder out to him.

"Yes, Sir!"Charles said and he stepped forward to get them. I suddenly held them out deliberately from his reach and he frowned, trying to go around the table to reach them. I then grabbed his waist so I can draw him close and caress his fine ass. Charles let out a small cry of surprise. I nuzzled my face to his chest as I held him, breathing deeply so I can smell him again.

"Oh..uhm, Sir-"Charles said in a small voice, his face red with embarrassment.

I lifted my head up, leering at him and speaking in a throaty voice."When we get back home later...be prepared-"

Charles shivered slightly at the prospect, reaching out to touch my shoulder gently and pull away from me. There was a faint smile on his lips. He took the report and headed back out to his desk, not saying a word but his heated eyes are on me. We worked for a few more hours and then I told him I was driving him back to my place. He did not hide the excitement he felt. We had violent, desperate sex again at my house, just about demolishing everything in our path and afterwards we grew tender again, our hips bucking up slow and deep against each other; mostly I just explored every inch of him with my kisses and my tongue. I just wanted to see him so aroused by the things I was doing to him and then we quietly lay back in bed after a few hours, both of us smiling and satisfied. Charles was sidled up against me, his chin resting on my chest, arms crossed beneath it and he regarded me with his gentle gaze. I reached out and smoothed the hair that fell on his forehead, just wanting this tender moment between us to last.

"And you didn't want to have sex at first-"I teased him.

"I wanted to take it slow, Erik! I forgot that when it comes to you, there is no such thing! When you want it, where you want it...you just take it. But I guess that's why I love you, for being so passionate and reckless-"

"What else do you love about me, Charles?"I asked him softly, just letting myself get lost in his eyes again as I stared at him.

"Everything that's good about you-"Charles responded softly back, tracing his fingers on my chest.

"What? Tell me-"

"I love your eyes. I know some of our colleagues find your stare kind of deep and penetrating. People are somehow intimidated by it but I love looking into your eyes. They are kind of like you; unpredictable and wonderful. Sometimes they look stormy gray...sometimes they are like a calm green but mostly when you look at me, I can feel this blue heat coming from your eyes-"

"Wow! That's some description, Charles-"

Charles made a small embarrassed sound and hid his face. I reached up to touch his cheek so he would look at me again.

"Well go on now! I love hearing all these desirable qualities you see in me! It makes me feel good about myself-"

Charles giggled quietly and he was still blushing, like he was so mortified that he had to tell me how he really sees me but he went on anyway.

"I think the first time I saw you again as a man, I fell in love with your face and your voice. You were different when I started in the company; I could only admire you from afar because you loathed me at the onset so I kept my distance. Then when we had a good look into each other's eyes one day and you became...I don't know, sort of softer towards me...I fell in love with you all over again-"

"I feel blessed that you love me even if you don't even know me. I was just a grieving boy. I never knew my actions could have so much significance in your life-"I said solemnly. Now I'm the one feeling embarrassed. Since we are talking about feelings I might as well tell him I love him, right? Unfortunately, I still felt too iffy about saying it just like that. I mean, I do love him and I'm sure he can feel it but that was one hurdle I had to get over myself. I can't find it in myself to say it yet. How can I explain it any better? It's like a muscle in the middle of my being that's atrophied from ill-use and it takes a while to come to life. That's how it's like for me. It's easy for me to say it to someone I didn't care about but this is Charles we are talking about! I'm scared to death of just saying that to him and then feeling awkward about it after.

"I was glad that you came to your senses because deep down, this is who you are Erik. You're kind and tender. You can be really sweet sometimes when you really mean it-"Charles said brightly. I sighed contentedly putting my arms around him and holding him close.

"Never thought I would be considered a sweet and tender man. Not words I would associate with myself-"I said with dry affection.

"You are to me!"Charles cried out and nuzzled and kissed my chest. We both broke out laughing and ended up kissing passionately afterwards. I really liked this about us. I admit this was similar from when I had my Woman du jour wanting sweet moments with me but it's somehow different with Charles because I am head over heels in love with him. So I can't understand why other people could not see what I see when I look at him. And the things Jean told me about Charles...I can see he wasn't the sociable sort, that was true but how come no one could see how beautiful he is? How come they can't see this kindness and thoughtfulness in him? Then it came to me. He was trying to hide it from everyone else, closed off and retreating to a world all on his own. I was concerned about this behavior of his. He didn't have any confidence in himself. He was brave only when it comes to me. Charles had helped me become a better person. He saved me from the fucked-up state I had become. It was high time I did the same for him.

At the office, I started treating him differently and I did not give a flying fuck what people thought of me after. All I cared about was that Charles was happy and if I can help it, I don't want to hurt him ever again.

"Charles, come over here-"I called out to him as I worked on my laptop, reviewing the new reports coming in and cross-checking the flow of information being shared by all the other departments so that I may organize a cohesive report which we will bring up with the board, then to our Merchants. Charles peeked in, smiling faintly and then he entered the room. I tell you, nothing looked sexier to me than seeing Charles wearing a suit and a tie. I care not for the corporate looking ladies that surrounded the office, with their sleek skirts and stilettos. I had to control this raging urge in me to grab him and render him senseless with lust on my table. He wore a navy blue suit and a black button down shirt underneath and he wore a dark gray silk tie today.

"I might be a while with this new report that came in. Why don't you buy us some Earl Grey Tea and some cake? You make the pick-"

Charles hesitated a moment."Um, Sir? How many cups of tea do you need me to-"

"Two. One for you and me. Get yourself a cake too-"I said with emphasis and a straight face but I was gleeful on the inside because Charles brightened at the fact that I asked him to bring me tea instead of coffee, knowing that I did not dare drink tea here at work because I considered it gay before. _And I included him in my order this time._ He still looked hesitant but he followed my orders and bought us tea and cake with my credit card. I wanted to do some naughty fun in the office with him and I have been thinking of something I wanted to do to him. I gave him a sly smile whenever he would glance over to me and then he would look away, looking flustered and acting shy. He saw that I had my naughty look on and he was worried over what I would do. He tried not to look at me anymore so he could focus on his work. But I was feeling so horny for him all over again. I just couldn't help myself! Seeing that handsome profile of his, his large blue eyes all serious and his sweet red lips drawn down as he concentrated, it made me want to go over there and just ravish him! I decided to go ahead with my plan and get it on with him in my office. I did not call out but instead, I used my IM and sent him a message to come on over. Charles entered the room his demeanor all serious and focused.

"Yes Sir?"

"Can you run the agenda by me? The one for tomorrow. I need to check on my schedule-"

"I sent it to you an hour ago, Sir-"

"Well I want you to read it to me anyway! I didn't look at your email-"I said dryly.

Charles looked mildly reproachful since I should be responsible enough to check my emails constantly for all the updates coming in. It was important in our line of work to be up to date and informed of new developments. I already read it actually but I just said an outright lie as an excuse to get him alone. He left the room momentarily so he could get a copy of the agenda on a tablet PC. I asked him to close the door since I wanted to discuss some other aspect of the new reports with him and he complied, eyeing me warily.

"At nine o' clock sharp, a meeting with the department officers and assistants for the new Merchant's portfolio-"Charles began.

"Good. I'll be available on that time. What's next?"

"A video conference call with the Sales Supervisors and Leads on the projected Sales analysis for the quarterly report at eleven am-"

"Ok, go on-"

"A run of the schematics for the new Merchant's portfolio in Meeting Room M at one pm-"

"Wait-"

"What is it, Sir?"

I pushed myself away from my table, while still remaining seated and I gestured for him to come closer.

"I can't have you reading the report just like that! You must be uncomfortable! Here, come on over-"I slapped my hands on my thighs, giving him a lewd smile and he actually frowned at me.

"Sir, we are all very busy here! I have no time for games-"

I rolled my eyes at him."Yes, yes! Just do as you're told, Xavier! Get over here or I'm going to go over there and I will do something that will make you scream out loud-"I said by way of a threat. Charles knew I meant it too. He sighed in resignation and finally sat on my lap as he held the tablet in his hands.

"Does this work for you, Sir?"Charles asked stiffly, a soft blush rising to his cheeks.

I nuzzled my face into his neck, breathing in his scent and I smiled up at him languidly."Continue. What's the content of the minutes of meeting for the Merchant's portfolio?"

Charles began reading off the highlights of the meeting while my hands started wandering up his thighs, close to his crotch. I kissed his throat hotly and I hoped he could feel me grinding up my hard-on against his bottom. Charles's body was actually getting hotter and his voice took on a trembling quality as he kept on reading. He let out a low moan as my hands started wandering into his pants and I was fondling him while I kissed his temple and his cheek.

"T-the issue being brought up with the analysts is the...ohhh God...is the lack of stability in our technology and the need for...for...Erik! Uhnnn!"Charles whimpered quietly, restless as my hands explored him. His head turned from side to side, his face reddening and burning with arousal. His hands shook as he struggled to read the minutes from the tablet. We could have gone even farther too if we weren't interrupted by someone clearing their throat with deliberate loudness.

"Ahem!"It was Emma. Charles suddenly jumped out of my lap as if he had sat on something that burned him and he hurriedly buttoned his pants, turning away from us and looking nervous and flustered. He nearly dropped the tablet PC as he zipped his fly up. Charles stood there awkwardly, his face so red with shame; his expression agonized. I thought he looked so cute when he was embarrassed like this. I languidly turned to Emma, unabashed to be caught out on my indecent actions. I lifted my eyebrow at her questioningly, albeit indignant with her for this interruption in my seduction of Charles.

"I did knock loudly, several times but you weren't responding. You both looked very, uh, engrossed-"Emma said by way of apology and then she turned to smile brightly at Charles.

"Glad to have you back, Mr Xavier! I see you are getting settled into your role with Mr Lehnsherr again. I do hope he's not working you to death. He can be quite the slave driver because he's so insatiably..._driven_-"Emma said silkily, seeming to enjoy Charles's state too.

"Um...I...um thank you!"Charles said in a nervous voice, his head bowed low. Emma stepped forward and surprised him when she smoothed the hair away from his face and helped him straighten up his tie.

"Oh look at you, you poor dear! You've been so thoroughly _harassed_! Now if you had been working for me, things would have been different-"Emma purred. Charles did not know what to say so he remained quiet, suffering his humiliation quietly. I sighed and put my hands behind my head, unruffled by her presence.

"So to what do I owe this interruption, Emma?"I drawled out.

"There's a new development with the Merchant's group. It seems they are pulling out of two projects due to the failing service levels-"

My face darkened at that."What?"

Emma nodded gravely."The sales reports did look stable and our percentages are high but there is something that we may have missed-"

I turned to face Charles, All brisk and business-like again so that he could get himself together."Charles, move the meeting to eight AM for tomorrow and I want you to send an email to all concerned parties about the change. Pull me up the files of the last four reports that came out of our department. I also need you to coordinate with Bobby on the current Sales analysis-"

Charles immediately collected himself and headed out the door."Yes, sir!"

'Surely, the fault wasn't from our group-"Emma said as I pulled up my own applications on my laptop that help me monitor the state of our projects and the general information about each of them. I looked up at her and shook my head.

"Something was missed. It wasn't from our end-"

Emma nodded at that and I advised her to check the reports she received on her end as well. She left the room promptly. We all ended up getting so busy that day, that all thought of kinky games was struck from my mind. We had to salvage this and find out what could have caused the Merchants to pull out if one data was missing. I remembered Charles reading off to me that there was a lack of stability in technology that we were supposed to look into. I called Charles over again and I had him bring me the report about IT.

"There! I got it!"I said under my breath when I found what had caused the problem. It was because of the poor website service that had been ongoing and IT had done nothing to fix the problem, causing prospective customers to lose interest and disregard the site offerings. I contacted a lot of groups involved, gathering data via phone and email, while I had Charles running all over the place sending reports to everyone concerned in our department using hard copies and printouts. He had been at the photocopy machine all day long working on this and at the same time, I had him comb through some previous data. By the time he sat back in his desk, he was exhausted. I had him stay anyway because I needed his help in organizing my findings. It was another long day at work for us both. I looked over at Charles and I could see him leaning back on his chair with his eyes closed. I could see his profile again, the shape of his neck and I realized that I'm still feeling so horny for him. I smiled faintly to myself and I spoke into the intercom, which I didn't even use before since I liked having people hear me shout for his name when I was the homophobic ass.

"Charles, come in here please-"

Charles regarded me from the glass, his brow furrowed and I tried to put on my best 'this is serious shit' face. He got up and went towards my table, cautious and skeptical."Sir?"

I gestured for him to sit in a chair before my desk and then I placed a copy of my own reports before him."Help me look these through. I had Emma set up an emergency meeting with the Merchants to explain what caused the problem and how we have worked to fix it. We'll advise them that we will re-establish a new portfolio on why they need this ongoing service-"

Charles visibly relaxed when he realized I meant to focus on work and that I was not planning anything raunchy. We both looked over the data and when Charles found an item that was missed I was the one that sent the emails to the groups that should be providing the information we needed. I let this go on for about an hour then I told Charles I will need to pick up a report that was sent to one of our fax machines outside and that he should continue poring over the reports. Charles murmured his assent but was too focused on the data to look up. I smiled to myself and then I looked about outside the office. Everyone had already gone and the cleaners were already at work. They didn't have much to clean really and would be gone soon. I told them not to clean the office at the end of the department and that they should leave immediately. I whistled to myself as I briskly went back to my office. I locked the main door to our room and then I entered my own office. Charles was still there studiously bent over the papers. I furtively walked over to my glass wall and drew down the blinds and then I sat back in my chair, just staring at Charles.

"Are you tired, Charles? You want to rest for a moment?"I asked him gently.

Charles wore his glasses today and he took them off to pinch at the bridge of his nose."I am a bit tired but we have to get this done. I know this is pretty serious-"

"I'm glad you stayed to help me-"

Charles gave me a soft smile, his eyes downcast."I'm only here to help you in any way I can-"He put his glasses on and avoided meeting my eyes.

Damn. Why does he keep making that adorable face? I want to wipe it off of him and reduce him to moans and make his expression grow sexually dark with lust. I tried to calmly tell him to come around to my side of the table because I wanted to show him something. I hoped he did not notice the slight trembling in my voice. Charles stood up and went close to me, unwittingly drawing close to my indecent fingers. He bent over the paper I wanted to show him and then I pounced and grabbed his waist, forcing him to sit on my lap. I smiled at him lewdly as he looked over to me in alarm.

"E-Erik?"

I started kissing his back and his neck as he squirmed and struggled weakly in my lap."Erik please! If...if we do that here, I won't be able to stop my moaning-"

I started to unbuckle his belt, kissing his shoulders as I did so."Exactly what I want-"

"But...but I'll be heard by other people!"Charles said in a low, petulant voice.

"I don't care if they hear us-"And that was the truth. I simply didn't care anymore. I don't care if people find out about us or if I am so aroused by him that I would recklessly take him in the office. I just want to drown myself in this lust and love I feel for him. From behind, I was already unbuttoning his suit coat and unbuttoning his shirt, my arms around him so that he would not be able to flee. My fingers sought for his nipples and I gently rub them and pinched at them, causing Charles to start up in shock at the sensations. I put an arm about his waist and using one hand, I started to remove his shoes from him, along with his socks. I then wrestled with him to remove his pants and his underwear over his protestations. I pushed his suit coat aside and it fell to the floor. I began to undo his tie and as I undid the knot, I held both ends; I used it as some form of restraint to draw him close and kiss him hungrily. He moaned into the kiss, trying to pull back but slowly, his struggles had stopped and he was reduced to a languorous puddle upon my lap, his eyes growing heavy and dreamy with arousal. He was blushing furiously again and that was one of the things I loved about his pale skin. When he feels any strong emotions, he cannot hide it from me. Down below, his stirring cock tells me that he's already aroused; his body was always so honest when it comes to his lust. I keep coming back to that, don't I? His honesty and openness; the things that drove me crazy insane with love for him in the first place.

He was so aroused that he was gasping and moaning at the same time, his trembling fingers holding on to my shoulders. He shifted on my lap to get into a proper position and I bet he could feel the rock-hard press of my erection in my pants. I was in pain, just trying to stop myself from coming. He now only wore his button-down shirt and his glasses, his back towards my table while I kissed him all over, sucking hard on his skin so that I would leave my kiss marks on him. His head lolled about in his arousal and I stopped kissing him a moment to stare at his face. When I had stopped, he was actually reaching for my collar and he was kissing me back, licking at my lips and biting my lower lip hard. His skin was so feverish and flushed as he nuzzled up against me. His moans quickened as he undulated his behind upon my cock. When he couldn't stand it anymore, he was the one reaching for my zipper to undo my pants, desperate to fuck. I let him continue as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kissed his hair and his neck. He was able to free my cock and I grunted at the jolt of electric sensations. His palm was wrapped around my cock and he licked his lips as he positioned himself so I would enter him but I stopped him.

"Wait. I don't want to hurt you. Let's put something on first-"I rasped out. My hands were shaking as I rummaged in my cabinets for some KY I had handy while Charles clung onto me and kissed my neck and shoulders. When I had slathered some lubrication on, I slowly guided Charles onto my aching cock and I was subjected to a different kind of pain this time. Ah fuck! Still so tight and when I went in deep into him it felt like he was burning hot down there. I couldn't stop these loud moans coming from my throat and Charles tried to shush me and cover my mouth with his palm. I licked his palm in response instead and I chuckled, wincing as I bucked up into him slow. A trembling cry of pleasure escaped him and his eyes shut tight for a moment, feeling every inch of me as I stabbed into that pleasure gland in him. He braced himself against my chest as I undulated my hips upward, the strokes slow at first. Then I quickened, bucking up wildly into him that the chair made creaking noises, regardless if it was an expensive, ergonomic brand. He started making those cries again. The cries of someone steeped in so much pleasure that it hurts because it felt so good.

"Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!" Charles howled out, eyes squeezing shut; face contorted as he endured my frantic thrusting.

His head was thrown back and his lower back arched and trembled as he got into it. I guided his back to lean on the table while I pummeled him so that it wouldn't be uncomfortable for him. His shoulders relaxed back onto the table, his ass still seated on my lap while my rigid cock slid in and out of him. He was getting so lost in the act that he didn't care if he pushed portfolios and folders away, sending papers flying elsewhere. His head rolled from side to side, sweat misting his furrowed brow. He savored every thrusting I gave him and he responded with more cries of lust. His glasses were actually steamed over that the surface had gone misty with his rising body heat. I wanted to see him go wild on top of me. I reached for his cock and gave him a hand job while I kept up with my bucking. That did it. He started to wail louder, his cries sounding anguished and crazed with lust.

"Yeah! Oh fuck me! Yeah!"He cried out, not caring if he was heard moaning in a pornographic way. His hips were frantically undulating; tightening the muscles in his backside so we can both really feel all these agonizingly pleasurable sensations. Oh God! I was losing it! I quickened my fisted hand on his slick and erect cock. He sobbed for more, his face growing blank in his lust as the need to release peaked and peaked in us both. My heart ached as it did its own ramming inside of my chest, protesting against the building pressure. I could hear his own heart clipping madly in his chest. He was biting down on his lips, licking his tongue over them and when we both couldn't endure it any longer, the dam broke and we both orgasmed. He came in my hand, my other hand still clutching at his hip as his body stuttered, his spasms overtaking him. His come dribbled down from my fingers and onto his belly. I came inside of him and I felt some of it trickling from his backside back onto my lap, my balls seizing up as I kept spending into him. We were gasping and breathless after. We both sagged back in place as the blood rush coursed through us and then our quickening hearts and racing pulses calmed down. I absently wiped at the sweat from my brow and stared down at him. He looked like he had fallen from some great height and he could not move, his chest still heaving; his face looked dreamy with his sexual satisfaction. His head was to the side and his glasses are now askew on his face, still misted over by the steam from his body. He still had on that black shirt, parted open so I can see his sweaty chest and his pert pink nipples. His shirt was probably soaked through with sweat at the back. His arms were still thrown back above him onto the table, bent at the elbows and his fists close to his ears. His cock was pressed up to his belly when I released it so that it glistened wetly under the lighting, still pink and throbbing from all the squeezing I had done upon it. He looked so enticing again, my lusty, winsome nerd.

He opened his blue eyes and his red face seemed to redden even more when he realized I had been staring down at him while he was like this. On top of that, he screamed out in his lust and he feared that someone may have heard us. He licked his lips quickly and he bit his lower lip. He had no idea that that act alone could spur me on for more. My cock stirred in him and he felt it.

"Oh God, Erik-"Charles said in a small, breathless voice.

I circled my hips seductively at his backside, jabbing into his still sensitive gland and he trembled. He looked like he was close to tears again, unsure of how to feel. A gasping sob escaped his sensuous lips.

"Erik...don't. You're driving me so crazy-"He shivered as he lay there, his shoulders hitching up along with his cock, which started to spasm and come alive again. He was probably still so sensitive but so aroused that he wanted it as badly as I did. I just wanted him so bad that I didn't care if I lost my mind and take him here until morning comes. I fucked him again, harder and more violent than the first time and he was wailing, his face going blank with lust again as he lost himself to the things I did to him in my office.

Not sure how we ended up on the floor but I lost consciousness at some point and I woke up to find him lying next to me, kissing my face and my lips; his gentle fingers smoothing over my brow. I reached for him rashly, kissed him hard and I clutched possessively at the back of his neck.

"I could eat you up all day long-"I told him huskily when I pulled back. He giggled at my words, his blue eyes rolling at how silly I was and he smiled that sweet endearing smile once more.

"You're insane, you know that?"Charles chided me softly.

I sighed contentedly and sat back up, my grin probably still lewd and looking ready for some more fun.

"We have to go, Erik. It's getting so late-"

I finally relented and we fixed the place up as best as we could, righted the portfolios and organized the reports again and then we both prepared to go back home. He was staying at my house temporarily so I took him back there. We had a very nice warm 'shower' together and then I lay contentedly next to him in bed, running my hand softly over his skin. That 'I love you' hovered inside of my throat once more. I was almost close to uttering it but I stopped myself again. I felt so stupid. Why can't I just say it out loud? I'm so in love with him but that was the one thing that was so hard for me to do. Charles had been nothing but understanding and thoughtful and so damned sexy that it should have been easy. I reached for his hand instead and we quietly regarded each other. He never asked for me to say it to him, perhaps because he understood it was hard for someone like me. We slept next to each other but that thought kept niggling at me. How could I begin to say to him that I love him and how to say it at the right time? I mean, it's like we are married already. It should have been easier-

"Both the Merchants will be here on the same schedule? What happened?"I asked Emma pointedly while we were all in the meeting room with the other Information Analysts. Emma ran a hand through her blond hair, unruffled.

"It seems the other Merchant decided to come in any way at the same time as the other. That was not my fault, Erik. You know I added your name to the email and I informed their offices of our schedule-"

"Christ! Nothing we can do about it now, is there? Yeah, I know it was not your fault and you did a great job in convincing them to come, Emma-"

"Noted-"Emma nodded back graciously and crossed her legs.

"I'll make the presentation for the first Merchant-"I told everyone and they heaved a sigh of relief at that.

"But what are we to do about the other problem? Who's going to make a presentation of the revised portfolio to the other Merchant?"Armando asked as he looked about at everyone at the table. All the heads of the department and the assistants are in there with me in the meeting room. I sat back in my chair, mulling over this and then my eyes fell on Charles, who was quietly looking through the reports again. I inclined my head towards Charles.

"My apprentice will do the other presentation-"I said steadily.

Everyone at that table was shocked, with Charles more so than the rest. His blue eyes were large enough but they grew even wider, trembling in their sockets.

"S-sir?"

"He knows the content of all of the reports. He has worked with me all night collating all the data. If the Merchants have any questions, he's sure to answer them-"

Emma frowned at me, shaking her head minutely."Erik, he's never done a presentation before! Are you sure? Forgive me but it's not a lack of confidence in Mr Xavier that prevents me from agreeing with your decision, but his inexperience might appear as a weakness to the Merchants and the executives who will attend the meeting-"

"I have faith in him. He's a smart young man and he can be outspoken when given the right...prodding-"I said smoothly as I smiled at everyone.

"Erik, this is a big deal! We are not playing around here. If we fuck this one over we are screwed!"Emma cried out in a rare show of emotion. She looked angry. She must've thought I was doing this to torture Charles when in fact, my intentions are deeper than that. I want Charles to have more confidence in himself and what better way to start than to throw him into what he knows best? He knows all of this by heart now and even when we are alone together, he had been the one that had presented all possible arguments over the problems in the reports. Charles suddenly stood up and he hesitated a moment, looking around at all of us.

"Excuse me!"Charles said in a trembling voice and hurried for the door awkwardly. I immediately stood up to bar his way.

"Where are you going?"I demanded, looking hard at him.

Charles looked down at his shoes and he would not look at me, trembling slightly as he stood there. It must have shocked everyone even more when I reached out and gently touched the nape of Charles's neck, caressing him.

"What are you afraid of? You know this like the back of your hand!"

Charles blushed furiously at my touch and looked up at me then. He was close to tears with his fear.

"I can't, Sir. I'm scared of speaking in front of other people-"Charles said in a small voice, bowing his head low again.

I reached for his shoulders and softly ran my hands over them."Look at me, Charles-"

I smiled at him affectionately and our colleagues are probably flipping over and wondering in awed silence why I am like this with Charles. I simply did not care.

"Charles, you're my apprentice. The business we work in is pretty cutthroat and requires assertion and confidence. If you are ever going to move ahead, the time is now. Stand up for yourself and face your fears. I believe in you, ok?"

Charles was shocked by the words coming from my mouth. Everyone was stunned silent and did not say anything for some time. I finally cleared my throat, turned Charles around to sit back in his seat and I returned to my chair, smiling at everyone confidently.

"So here's the plan. I will present the portfolio to our scheduled Client while Charles will present the other portfolio to our second Client. Emma, you'll serve as Charles's proxy and mediator in case he needs help-"

"Alright-"Emma said, her eyes narrowed down at me and probably thinking I had gone insane. An apprentice doing a portfolio presentation is unheard of! Everyone murmured their agreement, going along with my decisions since I'm the head of this project anyway. When we had all stood up to prepare for the presentation, Emma grasped my elbow and drew me to a corner.

"What the hell, Erik! How can you do this to him? Do you know what you're playing at? If he fails, it's going to be you that will be held accountable for this!"She hissed at me.

I just smiled at her and patted her shoulders while I pulled away."Trust me, I know what I'm doing-"

"And I thought you loved the guy-"

I just gave her a mysterious smile and let them continue with their preparation. Charles had to go over with Emma to discuss the schematics while I had Bobby at my side. We gathered all our data in our hard copies to be distributed later to the company executives and to the representatives of the Merchants group. We were all in the elevator, heading out to the floor where all the meeting rooms are and before we stepped out, I faced Charles. He was pale and he trembled slightly. His eyes are moist and full of fear. I thought at that point I should have said something to bolster his confidence, some words of encouragement that would make him brave enough to face this challenge I had given him. But I just gazed at his quiet apprehension. He could not back away from this one now.

When we were finally on the floor where the meeting rooms are, I suddenly reached for Charles's wrist and pulled him towards me. I gave him a brief hug and I whispered into his ear.

"I did this for your sake, Charles. When you're in there, just show them what you can do! I know you can do this-"

"Erik, I don't know-"Charles said in a choked voice. I pulled back and touched his cheek and Both Bobby and Emma exchanged looks. Bobby was immensely incredulous over the fact that I was audacious and reckless enough to touch Charles openly. I had been notorious as the Homophobic boss from hell and here I am, touching my own assistant with affection. He must have found it odd that we were also on first name terms in front of them too. But Emma was giving us both knowing looks, finally realizing why I was doing this to Charles. By the time we return to our floor, I'm sure the news about the things I had been doing to Charles would have spread all over. I don't really give a shit what they will think of me anymore. I'm the son of the owner of this company. I can do whatever the hell I want and bend the rules to suit me. And if I fell like letting everyone know who I really am, then they can shove it and choke on it if they don't like it!

Charles had noticed what I was doing too and tried to pull away but I reached for him again so our gazes would meet.

"I may not be in that room Charles but just remember what I told you before. Like the wind, ok?"I said softly.

Both Emma and Bobby did not get what I meant but Charles immediately understood. He tried not to cry and finally smiled up at me. He straightened up and took his portfolio and papers, giving me one last look of affection and he entered his own meeting room with Emma. Bobby was still looking mystified as he eyed me warily.

"Errr, you're not going to go and do that to me too, are you Sir?"

I suddenly laughed wryly at Bobby, shaking my head."Not on your life, Mr Drake! Let's hustle! I don't want to keep the Client waiting-"

"Sir, do you mind if I ask-"Bobby began but I pushed him on and grinned at him.

"Yes, he's my boyfriend Mr Drake-" I said dryly and Bobby looked like he got an electric shock, his mouth hanging open so far down it could have fallen down to the floor.

"Are we going to discuss more details about my love life, Mr Drake? I could give you a detailed play-by-play if you want but allow me the opportunity to get this meeting on before we do so!"I said sarcastically. Bobby shook himself and grinned at me good-naturedly, somewhat sheepish.

"No Sir-"

"Well let's get this done then! Time's already wasted with you jawing about!"I said crisply and Bobby just smiled and apologized. I'm surprised he wasn't even silently mocking me about it too, which was actually a good thing. We went into the meeting room and met up with the Merchant representatives. One of our executives was also there to oversee the presentation. We took about 30 minutes or so and when we were done, we were able to convince the Merchant to continue with the project presented in the portfolio after we informed them the percentage of sales will rise now that the site for the products and services being offered has improved. We had also informed them of the benefits covered by the project and why the product was relevant to their company. My father's executive congratulated us on salvaging the project and for a job well done. I looked over at Charles's meeting room door and it appears they were still not done so Bobby and I hung around the lobby to wait for them. When they came out, the Merchant representatives shook my hand and told me they will continue and it was an exceptional opportunity. By the looks of things, it seems Charles's presentation was a success. They kept praising the presenter and the detailed presentation and left. The second executive from my father's group came over and shook my hand as well.

"I was informed you made the decision to have your protégé make the presentation. Good call on that ballsy move! He's a very bright young man! He'll be going far in this business if you continue what you are doing! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Sir!"

The man shook my hand paternally and patted my back at the same time."No, Thank you! I will inform your father of this! He'll be pleased to know your decision-making in this company reflects favorably of him-"

I thanked him again and the man finally left. I turned to face Emma, Bobby and Charles. Charles was flushed but otherwise, he looked pleased by all the praise he had received, obviously relieved that it was over. Emma put an arm around him.

"Lehnsherr, I can't believe you have this raw talent under your wing! He single-handedly pulled that presentation through-"

I smiled at Charles lovingly, our gazes locking."Never doubted him for a minute-"

We all headed back to our own floor and made our way into our offices. Bobby announced to everyone that the two projects were saved and everyone clapped and congratulated us. I pretended to be annoyed and told everyone to get back to work but the happy mood was not broken. Everyone was in high spirits because this was another win for our department. I headed into my own office and Charles followed, taking his place at his desk. He seemed to be in deep thought for a moment and then he stood up and knocked on my door.

"Mr Lehnsherr, Sir? May I speak with you?"

"Yes you may, Charles. Please sit down-"I gestured to the chair before my table and he sat down. He smiled at me hesitantly, those blue eyes so beguiling as they stared up at me affectionately.

"Sir, thank you...for what you did for me back there. I never knew I could do it but your encouragement really empowered me-"

"Just helping you along, Mr Xavier. You just needed the right push-"

"Well speaking of the right push, may I ask-"Charles peered at the door as if someone might suddenly enter and then he bent close to the table and spoke in a low voice.

"I know it's out of place for me to say this but is it that hard for you to tell me that you love me, Erik?"Charles said and arched one eyebrow at me, a faintly amused and hopeful smile on his face. I smiled at him complacently and leaned forwards, rolling my eyes as if what he said was trivial.

"Tsk, Charles! What does it matter if I say it or not if you know I feel it and that I've made it quite plain that you are the only one for me-"

Charles frowned at me."There you go again, Erik! Eating your own words! You made such a show of giving me that support and you forced me to face my own fears but you can't say these simple words to me!"

"Don't go comparing my situation with your own qualms! Just remember that I'm still your boss and you should still know your place in my office, Mr Xavier-"I said frostily but he did not notice the twinkle of amusement in my eye. Charles was taken aback by what I had said and narrowed his eyes at me. He did not say anything for a while.

"Fine! be that way!"Charles suddenly said haughtily and then he got up quickly from the chair. He looked mad enough to chew nails and I was practically enjoying the fact that he does value those words; he did want to hear me say them. He walked about around the front of his desk restlessly, wiping at his reddening face.

"Charles!"I called out dryly to him but he turned his blazing eyes at me from my view of him from the Plexiglas wall that divided our offices and he flung the main door to our office open. He stomped out angrily and I chuckled to myself. _Oh you fool! You really do want me to give it to you, don't you?_

I stood up and I watched him march off, as if he can't stand being near me at the moment and I called loudly for him at the doorway of our office.

"Mr Xavier! When I am speaking to you, you do not turn your back on me! Now stop right where you are!"

Everyone who was doing their work in front of their computers or talking on the phone suddenly stopped. Their eyes are on Charles, who had to stop in the middle of the department floor, fuming. His jaw was tightening and working angrily as he turned to face me. I sauntered over to him and gave him my most supercilious and haughty expression when I stopped before him. He met my eyes with a defiant and angry stare.

"What the hell, Xavier! How dare you walk out on me when I was about to tell you that I love you!"I said in that arrogant tone that I used on him before when I was the asshole Boss that made him suffer. Now the entire department grew stock still and icily silent at hearing me say the words. I could have heard a pin drop in that lengthy, shocked silence. These were the words that had meant so much to Charles and now...I've just announced to the entire department that I love him. Charles's face grew endearingly tender again, at first unsure of what he heard.

"S-sir? What did you just say?"Charles asked in a small voice, his blush rising instantly and his eyes growing round and moist, glimmering with his feelings.

"Are you deaf Xavier? I said I love you! Is it still not getting across to you? My God! You are still so slow!"I said gruffly but I was smiling at him lovingly now and I noticed that everyone else was starting to smile in understanding and approval. I grabbed him before he could say anything else and I kissed him passionately, right there on the floor in front of everyone else and they all broke out in hoots of encouragement and happy laughter. I finally pulled back so that Charles could catch his breath and he was smiling up at me tenderly, somehow embarrassed that we have made a scene in front of everyone and now they know about us. He pushed his glasses back, quietly flustered by the stares of his colleagues. I kept him in place as I embraced him, without shame or fear.

"I should have said that with more finesse, had you given me the chance. Let me start over. I love you, Charles. I love you so much I want the whole world to know it-" I whispered softly into his ear and Charles could not help it but he started to cry as I held him. He was left speechless and could only look up at me happily.

So there you have it, this was how Charles Xavier changed my life and made me more than I could ever be. I'm a changed man and if you ask me, I wouldn't want it any other way.

_**-THE END-**_


End file.
